July 07, 2014


Four Old-Fashioned Ways to Meet Women (That Actually Work) - Men's Fitness

Read the original Men's Fitness article here

Last week, Love Systems' Nick Savoy give us his Seven Dating Rules for the Digital Age. This week, we asked Savoy to cover the other side: old-fashioned rules for meeting and attracting women that still work today. Because sometimes you’re not online, or don’t have your phone, or there just happens to be a gorgeous woman walking by, and if you don’t have some “old school” game, you’re going to miss your chance.

1. Learn to dance, not to cook

Unless your house is a lot more exciting than mine, you’re not going to meet women in your living room. Get out there. Bars and clubs are great for meeting women at night, and coffee shops are good for day game. But don’t just focus on these; there are lots of other great places to meet women, like dance classes, adult sports leagues, concerts, art exhibitions (not art galleries – I mean special events outdoors or in rented spaces), and improv or acting classes. And of course the gym.

That said, not every “non-traditional” place to meet women is worth your time. It seems that every dating advice article these days talks about cooking classes, art galleries or hardware stores. These are pretty much garbage. Only take venue suggestions from people who are actually out in the dating world walking to walk, not just talking the talk.

2. Connect your eyes to your feet

When men find out that I’m a dating coach who has helped thousands of average guys date elite women, they usually ask me for my “secret.” But in truth, there’s no silver bullet that will get you more or higher-quality women. It’s about doing a lot of little things that add up.

But since I can’t duplicate a Love Systems three-day training program in a casual conversation, I usually give guys something simple but effective to get started with: the eyes-feet reflex. When your eyes see someone interesting, move your feet to go talk to her. Right away.

It doesn’t matter what you say (though having good opening lines definitely does help). The act of approaching right away does two things. First, it gives you a chance with her, which you won’t have if you don’t approach. (You know what they say: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.) And doing it quickly is important because a lot of the time the window of opportunity is short, before she moves away or is talking to someone else. Second, it tells her that you are confident, decisive, and go for what you want. That puts you miles ahead of the guys nursing their drinks in the corner, trying to think of the right thing to say to go talk to her.

3. Remember: you’re not a Man for All Seasons

Hot women don’t have time to get to know every guy who shows interest. As a starting point, she is going to assume that you are similar to people who come across the same way you do. (You do the same; it’s a normal human impulse). Most important here is how you dress, what you talk about, who you are with, and where you go out.

Pick an aspect of your life, ideally one that is attractive to women, and express it. If you’re a hard-working business guy, dress sharp when you go out. If you’ve got a 9-5 job but are really into spiritual energy and healing, dress the part and have crystals in your pocket. (It’s not me, but some women are into that kind of stuff). And so on.

Don’t play it safe! No girl is ever attracted to bland and mediocre. The most desirable woman has lots of choice. She is going to a pick a guy who is exactly what she wants, not the man who is trying to be all things to all people. You can be multidimensional, but you should still have a primary identity.

4. Don’t confuse her with the Queen of England

OK, you’re out of the house, you’ve approached an attractive woman, you have an identity, and you’re talking to her. Now what?

Well, this is where the pedal meets the metal. We don’t have time to go into a lot of attraction techniques here, but one of the easiest is to tease her (appropriately). Beautiful women often crave a man who won’t put her on a pedestal or assume she’s stuck-up, a man who can just treat her normally. If you can tease and joke around with her, you show her that you’re on her level. (Would you tease the Queen of England? No.) You also show her that you’re not so intimidated by her beauty that you talk to her carefully and cautiously, like you’re defusing a bomb.

Teasing to get attraction is a big subject in itself (Love Systems produced an hour-long audio guide to teasing and attraction here), but here are a couple quick pointers to get you started:

    • Tease the general, not the specific. You can make fun of her hometown, school, or job, most of the time. (E.g., “Oh, you’re from Kansas, that’s cool. Uncle Jimbo didn’t need you on the farm this weekend?”) You shouldn’t tease her about the size of her nose, hairstyle or name.

    • It’s not about delivering hilarious one-liners; it’s about setting a mood. Laughter is a tension release most of the time anyway.

    • Smile when you tease her. Use the same kind of tone you’d use if you were teasing your sister.

  • Be prepared for her to tease you right back. That’s flirting. Don’t get defensive – as long as it’s not insulting, agree with what she says and exaggerate it.

It might take some practice, but you’ll get there. Now go forth and conquer!

Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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