October 10, 2018

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Social Circle Insight #2 - Show me who your friends are & I will show you who you are

I want to again preface this with the following: I have not taken the social circle mastery class so I have no idea if this is redundant. I do endorse the class as I have heard nothing but good things about it.

Perhaps you have heard that humans are creatures of habit? I tell students there are 3 things that they have to be study to be successful in life and one of these is influence. Why influence? We make decisions every single day and there are a variety of influence triggers that affect what and how we come to our decisions. Humans inherently like to conserve energy and thus like to rely on shortcuts. Since we are creatures of habit you will notice that in group situations, roles and patterns do not change much over the short-term (more on this later). This is unlike cold approach where we can go from zero to hero (throwing that in cause I like it not cause I think we are zeros) in a few minutes. Social Circle games move at a much slower rate.

One of the interesting things about social circle game is that in the circle there will be mini circles (as the overall group gets bigger this becomes more and more pronounced). Since the groups can be very dynamic (especially in club and going away for the weekend / vacation settings), we rely on shortcuts to assess people's value. One of the most efficient shortcuts we can take is by sizing people up in term of who their friends are. Perhaps you have heard the old saying show me who your friends are and I will show you who you are. Incidentally this concept is so well documented that one key component of drug and alcohol rehabilitation is cutting ties with your former peers. This is also the reason why psyches will ask parents when a child is having behavioral issues at home about the child's peer group.

This dynamic works bi-directionally. If you bring cool, high value people into a social group they will inherit your value (this feeds off our first insight about introductions and also explains why it is critical in a cold approach situation to turn and totally face your wing when he enters the group. Further it explains why if your wing is doing badly and you come in you will inherit his lack of value or conversely if he is killing it you walk in sized up as equally as cool). Further you will gain value by adding value to the group. However if you bring in uncool, low value people they will temporarily inherit your value but once it is discovered they are low value your value will also take a hit.

This in turns works the opposite way also. If a high value person brings you into the group you inherit their value but if you fuck up, you actually end up lowering theirs. I realized all this recently based on personal experience (not the lowering of value but what actually made me figure this concept out. Incidentally I believe in a social situation much like a game of chess every move made on the board is explainable based on tactics / strategies and underlying psychology but alas I digress). A friend of mine brought me out with his social circle and we were talking about game. He's like a supernatural and I plan on interviewing him and other naturals for articles at a future date. He said to me go slow with the girls here (probably because I am super high energy and this is an established social circle that has been through alot together. On a separate note I love Colombian women. And not just because they are so gangsta that they will pick your pocket while you are actually fucking them but again I digress  I go of course you know me, and he goes I know. I trust you. I wouldn’t bring you back in (cause I was out for the last few years learning pickup), if I didn’t love you. Also let me point out that by them bringing you and you providing value to the group this actually raises their value.

Now that we have psychologically let’s talk about a few tactics. Before we get into this I just want to point out a huge disclaimer. A LOT of social circle game is about ruthlessness. I am not here to judge that I am just saying be careful with walking down what could possibly be a dark path. Don’t sell your soul for friends who are higher value just because a childhood friend has low value. Don’t make every decision in a social situation based on value. People who do this are called sociopaths and although this mentality does have some merit be careful with it because you are selling your soul to the darkside. The main reason for the ruthlessness is that time is a finite resource and to properly manage resources (in a social circle) take time. Social circle game is slow burn game (not sure if I got that from Brad P or not but it is possible). In social circle slow and steady wins the race because you are gaming in a closed pool.

First tactic is what I call who, where and why? I have a great multitude of friends all with different interests. I am not introducing a Colombian club kid to a Millionaire from Goldman Sachs. Figure out who you are brining to the social event (the where, could be a club, bar, house party, weekend away, vacation, etc), and why you are doing this. You might think well my default can be just to bring girls. Not so fast my social circle working friend. Try introducing a guy to Harvard who doesn’t really party to a Stripper or super hot club girl. Zero connection and you look like an idiot and lose lack of social intelligent points from both sides. When these type of things blow up they generally blow on both sides as opposed to one side. Who, where and why? If you can’t answer that then there is no reason for you to do it.

Second tactic (I will provide 3), make sure to introduce everyone to everyone (as long as this makes sense). You never want the people you bring with you to feel socially awkward and by doing this you can make the rounds (a lot of social circle game can be fast small talk but more on that another time). One thing that promoters and well socialized people are amazing at is making people feel comfortable (more on this in another article as I have some Alpha Male insights coming also. 2k9 year of the insight (among other things ha). There are many reasons to do this, a) you look like the man, b) your friend is comfortable, c) if there is a strong connection between your friend and someone else (they exchange numbers, facebook, etc. you score major brownie points on both sides.

Third Tactic, keeping all the balls in play – If you decide to bring more than one person make sure they are always either with you or in a conversation (I hate to say babysitting but you shouldn’t have to if they are a cool and your peer group is cool). This goes back to point two but has a special subpoint for girls. Girls are weak, vulnerable and hate social awkwardness. If you are bringing girls with you let them do their thing but at the same time keep an eye on them to make sure they are comfortable (especially if they are going to be alcohol or drugs around).

Final thought - because people are creatures of habit they tend to do the same thing over and over again. In a social situation our roles can become fixed and these take a long time to break away from (one example might be the kid who was a loser in highschool , goes away to college and totally changes. This might happen over the course of years as opposed to a single semester (though people might recognize beginning changes). Because people will take shortcuts to figure things out, if we are aware (knowledge is power) we can exploit these loopholes. At the same time not only can we use them to gain value (and make people who our friends lead more rich and fulfilling lives) we can also use them to avoid losing value and hurting people who are close to us.

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