August 23, 2018

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Last night's chat transcript - enjoy

I'm not going to do a big intro or anything. My bio is here if you're interested. One of your esteemed moderators forwarded me 10 questions to start the conversation, so I'll just jump straight into that:


1) What was your "ah ha!" moment?

There were lots. Any guy who has had to learn how to succeed with women from the ground up will tell you that it’s not a steady, straight-line improvement. You don’t get 2% better every day than you did before. There are long periods of feeling you’re not making much progress, then BANG something clicks. Usually guys describe this feeling as “everything slows down”. And then you flatline for a bit until the next thing clicks.

For me, you have to remember that when I was first learning this stuff, we had none of the resources that people take for granted today. (Cue my old grandpa voice talking about how lucky kids are these days). We didn’t have The Attraction Forums, the Triad Model, bootcamps, etc., etc. So a lot of my early “ah ha!” moments weren’t really that exciting – they were things that guys learn today when they’re a few pages into the Magic Bullets Handbook.

Still, if I had to pick one “ah ha” moment I remember, it was when I was making out with one woman at a bar, thought she’d left, and then started making out with another. The first one came back and tapped me on the shoulder and I kind of turned to her and said “you don’t mind sharing do you?” She didn’t say anything, and I went back and forth kissing both of them (who didn’t know each other) and after a while I just held both of their hands and said OK time to go. It wasn’t my first threesome, but it was one of the most memorable because it really clued me in to much of what we think are “rules” about things we shouldn’t do, are just in your head. Fifteen years ago, I’d have never dreamed of being that ballsy. Ten years ago, I’d have messed up the subcommunication. Five years ago, I got it.


2) Newcomers often fantasize about being able to attract/seduce/pickup any woman. It seems this a big misconception about the community... What is it actually like to be a "mpua". Do you find yourself constantly surrounded (hooking up with, in relationship with, etc.) by gorgeous, awesome "10s". Or is it still largely a numbers game - just with more of a success percentage. On this same vein, what is your blow-out rate like (not just in clubs, but in day-time/social-circle events)...

Oh yeah. Anyone who tells you they have a “100% success rate” or go “5 for 5” is lying. I’ve pretty much met everyone. I make it a point to check out new, interesting dating coaches out there because if they’re any good, I’m going to sign them to Love Systems and get them trained up. I’ve never seen anyone have 100% or anything close to it.

The standard I set for myself and for Love Systems instructors is that, say you walk into a bar or a party and there are five gorgeous women there. You should be able to either leave with or get the kind of solid phone number that will turn into a date that will actually happen with at least one of them, ideally two. It’s hard to be much more specific than that, because there are so many factors beyond your control.

As for blowouts, when you get really good, you don’t get blown out much, unless you’re being particularly obnoxious. When it’s not happening, it’s more like one of those friendly small-talk conversations that’s not going anywhere than an actual blow out.

Anyway, I’d caution you against fixating too much on percentages. This is life, not a sports statistic. If you meet an amazing woman, does it matter if you talked to three other women that night or eleven? I see guys that worry about their ‘percentages’ being reluctant to do certain approaches because they are less likely to work. Or they stay in conversations that are going nowhere because they don’t want to admit failure and drop their percentage. That’s totally creating the wrong incentives for themselves. Percentages matter for professional Love Systems instructors because I have to be damn sure that if you’re on a bootcamp that the instructors are going to be able to pick up hot women to show you how it’s done. But they don’t matter for normal life.


3) What's your most memorable pickup and why?

I’ve written about a few interesting pickups on my blog. Probably my favorites would be this one or this one because they show what’s possible.


4) When opening a group, I often feel very hesitant to open groups that seem very tight knit, especially if they are having a great conversation by themselves. It seems that my entry would only disrupt things and result in annoyance from all the members. I mean, if I were in a group with my friends and having a great conversation, I think I would be very annoyed by some upstart barging in and asking for opinions on a girl his friend is dating or whether he should get a tattoo, etc. It just seems disruptive. If, however, the group in question is seems to be just chilling, and the members of the group are just looking around the club then I wouldn't feel any hesitation to open them. Am I entirely wrong? How have you opened tight-knit groups?

There’s some merit to that. Some groups are much harder to break into than others. But it’s a lot about how you do it, too. The example you described, where you’re having a great conversation and would be annoyed by some guy barging in…for sure, I get it. But what if he had two hot girls with him who he introduced you to at the same time? Now do you care if he tries to pick up your friend? (Assuming you’re not interested in her). I often do this if it’s like 3 guys and 1 girl – I find a group of 3 girls to meet, first, and then I find an excuse to drag them over to the group I wanted to get into the first place anyway.

What I showed was just one way you can “give value”. A couple top dating coaches (“Braddock” and “Mr M”) have done some amazing work on a field called Social Circle Mastery, and they really get into this in detail. But the idea of giving value in this situation – it doesn’t need to be women. It could be by being a genuinely interesting guy that after the initial standoffishness, they want to talk to. Just put yourself in the position of one of the “obstacles” and ask yourself what would another guy have to do to get your approval to join your group.

Finally, keep in mind that the harder an approach looks, the fewer other guys are probably doing it. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth with the two ‘girls next door’ hanging around the bar, but the super-hot women in the corner are instantly receptive because all of the other guys are too intimidated to talk to them.


5) Day game with cold approaches seems the hardest for me. Do you have any general tips and tricks for these types of pickups beyond the be confident and don't be boring? Also any preferred location types?


Tons. But I gotta preface this with, Day Game isn’t my first choice. I used to teach some Day Game, but if I’m being honest, Jeremy Soul is the guy you really want to talk to. He’s been the #1 Day Game expert in the world for years. He wrote a book just on Day Game last year, too.

In a couple sentences, in Day Game keep it short, 10-15 minutes and make plans for later. Go “direct” if you can. Don’t approach head-on or from behind. Body language and facial expressions are even more important than normal, because it’s usually light out, no one is drinking, and you’re likely to feel more nervous. Whereas, it’s more important not to come across as nervous in Day Game. Obviously, I can’t do justice to Day Game in a few sentences, but I hope this helps point you in the right direction.


6) Have you ever been able to apply these skills to making a long lasting relationship? If so, what would you say has "bridged" the best?

Yes, for sure. I’ve been with the same girlfriend for the past 3 years. She’s a former actress and a model, but has the same kind of nerdy personality that I do. People expect to see us at the Playboy Mansion or the hot new A-list nightclub every night, but honestly, most nights we’re home making pizza and playing video games. I think all the skills matter, because once you take the training wheels off, Love Systems is a lot about developing better social instincts. The guys who talk about how “pick up” is different from “relationships” are the same guys who are arguing whether some girl is a 9.2 or a 9.3 and whether it’s better to use neg hit alpha or use your +3 armor. This is life, not a video game. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the overall broad strategies translate from pick up to relationships just like they translate from pick up to business networking or from pick up to sales. The specific tactics don’t translate at all.


7) What happens if you move to a new city and don't know anyone; would you focus on friends or girls first?

Both. By even making the distinction, you’re limiting yourself. I think I was talking about Social Circle Mastery earlier – this is the kind of stuff you’d want to dive into.


8) Was it intimidating to go on Dr. Phil and/or Tyra? Were you worried they were setting you up or did you confirm ahead of time they were gonna be cordial?

Oh man.

We actually got both wrong. With Dr Phil’s people, we had no idea they were trying to set us up. They took a couple of women who had written in about a previous show about how much they hate pick up artists, they literally flew these girls across the country, put them up in a hotel, and planted them in the bar they made us go to. The joke was on them though, because like everyone saw on the show, these girls loved us and loved our clients who picked them up. Dr Phil’s people lied to us about just about everything, but I have no complaints about Dr Phil himself. He asked us tough questions, but that’s his job.

Tyra was the exact opposite experience. We probably drove her people nuts with all our suspicions after the Dr Phil experience. And they were honest and ethical about everything. Don’t get me wrong, they were tough on us – they gave us a nerdy guy to train for a couple hours, wouldn’t let us change his clothes, and then filmed him picking up women in the park. That’s a pretty nerve-wracking situation to put your name on the line for. But there was no “gotcha!” or false pretences.

By the way, Tyra Banks is a total sweetheart. During the first commercial, after she told Braddock on the show that he had a very attractive persona, I kind of teased her with “what am I, chopped liver?” She came around to me during the next commercial break, when she was on the next segment, to make sure I wasn’t actually insulted, etc. Of course, I wasn’t, but it’s those little human elements you don’t often see about someone when they’re on screen. 


9) What is the best way to combat approach anxiety? What is the best thing for beginners to work on?

That depends a bit on you and your personality and what you respond to. That’s why it’s so much easier to solve approach anxiety in person. But for the most part, there are two things that help a lot to get over the hump.

First, there’s making it as hard as possible NOT to approach. There are bunch of these in the Magic Bullets Handbook, like giving your wingman or a friendly bartender $200 at the start of the night, and he gives $20 back for every approach you make.

Second, there’s breaking your negative conditioning. Probably one of the reasons you’re reluctant to approach is because you haven’t had much success in the past. And/or because deep down, even if your approach ‘works’ you might not know what to do next anyway. That’s why it can be so powerful to see guys like you do successful approaches, when they are using the same reproducible system that you are. Jumping out of an airplane can be scary too. But it’s less scary when you know exactly what to do, you’ve seen your instructor do it a few times, and you know how to do everything he’s doing.---


10) How do you go about choosing Love Systems instructors?

This is a big part of my role. We probably have 100 applicants for every 1 we finally bring on board.

First, you need to be able to pick up beautiful women. Amd you need to be able to do it under pressure. I deliberately stress the hell out of potential instructor candidates before I watch them pick up women. Because when it’s bootcamp time, it’s going to be stressful. You’ve got your fellow instructors and a group of paying clients watching you “demonstrate” you’ve got to be able to do it, and do it well. And you know that there’s not only a money back guarantee (that instructors are partially responsible for) on everything Love Systems does, but that every client is going to be filling in a detailed feedback response the day after the bootcamp. I can and have removed instructors who weren’t meeting our standards – and in some cases these were guys who were really good with women but couldn’t do it under pressure. 

Second, you need to be able to explain exactly what you did every step of the way. You need to be able to watch others guys and see exactly what they are doing right and wrong and be able to explain it in a way that makes sense and leads to lasting change. This is where most guys who are good with women fall short. We do a lot of role-plays or I do pick ups with deliberate mistakes to see what kind of feedback they give me.

Third, you have to fit within our values. Plus, you need to be someone people want to hang out with. People don’t realize how hard this job can be – planning and running a bootcamp, you’re spending about 40-45 hours together in the course of a few days. You’ve got to be able to get along.

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