September 19, 2018

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How To Get In The Right State Of Mind For Dating

state of mind for dating

How To Get In The Right State Of Mind For Dating


Learning how to get in the right state of mind for dating takes practice and lots of it.  Beyond practice, here are some tips to help:

1. Warm Up! Figure out what triggers an enthusiastic emotional state in you, and use it. For me, it's certain songs that I make sure I have in my car on the way to the club. When I get out of the car, I'm ready to go.

2. Avoid energy traps. This is the reverse of #1. Some activities will suck away your energy and your interpersonal power. These tend to be solo, intellectual activities, like reading a book or being at a computer. Avoid these right before going out.

3. Do "warm up sets." If you're going to a party where people are going to see you as you come in, you know you'll need to make the right impression early. If you've been sitting at home alone for the past hour, it will be very difficult to let the "Enthusiastic You" come out. So pop into a bar on the way there and chat up a few people. Maybe you'll even show up at the party like a rock star, with some attractive people you just met. Worst-case scenario is by the time you get to the party, your social persona is ready to go!

4. Don't overcompensate. We see this on bootcamps all the time. A normally-shy guy will approach women, arms waving everywhere, jumping up and down like he's a cartoon character. Women can tell that this isn't energy or confidence or enthusiasm – it's insecurity. It's easy for us to correct this in person, but, like you said, it's hard to explain this in words.

If you get a chance, take a bootcamp and watch a Love Systems Instructor. He'll correct your mistakes and later you can practice in front of a mirror or get your wingman to give you honest feedback.


As always, there's no substitute for practice and feedback. It's one more thing to keep in mind, but don't let it stress you too much. As you become more comfortable with Love Systems, you'll be less worried about "what to say next" and have more space to work on body language.

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