I caught the last flight up to Vegas on Saturday night. Actually, let's rewind. I saw a really phenomenal blonde in the departure lobby for the flight to Vegas. I approached her with the very advanced opener of "Is this the flight to Vegas?" This is a truly devastatingly effective opener and communicates a lot of value from the get-go. Usually women orgasm when I open in this way.
Ok, enough sarcasm. Just making the point for the 100th time this week that what you open with doesn't matter. If a certain singer from a certain band who I am really not going to talk about was exchanging fluids with me a few hours after the secretary opener
, then anything can work. The Secretary opener is a truly ridiculous opener that proves that you can say virtually ANYTHING in the opener.
Turns out that this was indeed the flight to Vegas. Shocking. Turns out that my boarding pass, the TV screen listing flights, and the giant sign saying "Las Vegas" were all correct. She also told me that the flight was late. Oh good. This gave me a conversational opening
big enough to drive a truck through. Which I proceeded to do, talking about how annoying it was that we'd be late because the concierge at Pure wanted us there at 10pm for the party. That's pure invention of course, but if you read my chapter on Storytelling
in Magic Bullets
, you'll know the two reasons why I said that and why it worked.
So, next thing I know, we're deep in conversation. It's; Southwest, so you can sit anywhere. Right beside me seemed to be a good place for her to sit. And drinks seemed to be a good thing for us to be ordering. This reflects the universal theory on alcohol:Connection + Alcohol = Intimacy
Anyway, we shared a taxi in Vegas, a bit of kissing, and arranged to meet up later that night after we both did our respective things.
At the club... I approached and brought one group back to our table...and one of the boys inadvertently takes the woman I was interested in. No problem, go get another group. 3 years ago, this would have been a big deal. But when your game is good, you can get other women, you're among friends, and it's not on purpose or out of malice or a regular pattern, you shrug it off.
I was really on that night. When I'm on, I don't know of anyone who is better than me. It's probably a somewhat circular argument though, since it's probably the confidence that makes things go so well when I think I'm on, but whatever. Oh, and by the way, yes "having confidence" is an irregular verb. It goes like this:1st person singular:
I have confidence2nd person singular:
You are arrogant3rd person singular:
He is going to get punched if he doesn't stop being a dick
One funny part of the night was when I had was talking alternately to a tall blonde and a short blonde (from different groups). First the tall blonde was sitting on my lap, then she had to go get her friends into the club. When she came back, the short blonde was there on my lap instead. I can't imagine how that could have happened.
Tall blonde hung around for a bit, and then came to talk to me when the short blonde went to the bathroom. She commented on short blonde, so I dropped my "You're not afraid of a little bit of competition are you?" line. Normally works well, but she was pissed. She started telling me in excruciating detail why she was a better catch than the short blonde. Obviously it was an attempt to win my affection, but it was actually kind of annoying and rude and reminded me of my college girlfriend who argued with me when I broke up with her that she was really hot and really smart and really fun and that it didn't make any sense for me to break up with her.Newsflash:
using logic doesn't work any better on guys in a romantic/sexual context than it does on women. You can't argue someone into liking you. You can't argue someone into being with you.
So I let little blonde win. It's theoretically possible that a contributing factor was that I knew I'd have a better chance of sleeping with her than with tall blonde (looks-wise, they were equivalently hot, but the logistics were far better with little blonde than with tall blonde who had the drunk cockblocking friend from hell). Of course I'd never admit to that, but it's...possible. Yeah. Possible.
But even the little blonde had a drag away friend, and they "had to" go dance. Little blonde got rid of them for about an hour until all of them came back en masse and dragged her away. She wanted me to come, but I didn't think it was necessary to dance for an hour or so, especially since by this point I'd lost the rest of my friends I came to party with and was curious and intrigued about where they might be and what might have happened to them. I didn't think it was necessary because A) there was a good chance she'd meet up with me later, although there was a risk that her buying temperature was so high that she'd get swept up by someone else in the meantime and B) I was pretty sure I could get another girl. (remember how irregular verbs work?)
So I wandered off to meet more women. I met another tall blonde, who quickly told me she had a boyfriend. Probably my drunk game was sloppy by this point, but the (seven-year) boyfriend was definitely legit and definitely a problem. So I told her that she had to make it up to me by finding me another girl approaching her level of quality. It actually worked - she blew into a few groups for me and gave me tons of value.
Friends still not visible. (Turns out they were there the whole time, we just kept missing each other).
This was trouble. Trouble in my life happens when I am drunk, bored, and alone (or "unsupervised"). Any two of these I can handle without problem. Drunk and bored but with friends? No problem. Drunk and alone but gainfully entertained (playing blackjack for example) is also not a problem. Bored and alone is not at all a problem if I'm sober.
Drunk + Alone + Bored is where trouble happens...
So where were we? Oh yes. Somehow I'm on my way to the blackjack table. Both airplane blonde and short blonde were texting me, and my plan was to chill for a few minutes, figure out the logistics, and then pick one of them to meet up with. Logistics
are so key. I've spent enough nights in virtually unwinnable situations to fill my life's quota. An unwinnable situation is something like me, a girl, and her married and judgmental best friend hoping that somehow things would work out, only to end up with a phone number and a kiss goodbye. Yeah, it's not technically unwinnable. it's just a lot harder. And I'm all about doing things to make the game easier.
So anyway, while pondering this...
...I noticed UnrealStunningBlonde.
UnrealStunningBlonde was about 5'10, not an ounce of fat, nice chest, gorgeous face, and sitting alone waiting for her friend. Too good to be true, right? Maybe. Whatever. I figured, whatever the situation, social proof
is social proof, and I knew littleblonde was going to be spilling out of the club soon, and it wouldn't hurt for her to see me with UnrealStunningBlonde. So I gamed her anyway, and eventually told her she could play blackjack with me and play with my chips as long as she did what I said.
I think I've posted about my blackjack game before, but it's a great way to get a girl to start being physical with you. Despite her being a "dancer", I just treated her like a normal hot girl and didn't even bring up her stripping career, etc..
Meanwhile both AirplaneBlonde and LittleBlonde were texting and calling with increasing urgency, but I was off in drunken adventureland at this point, demanding that UnrealStunningBlonde take me to an after hours club. Which she did, and it was awesome, but I have no idea where it was or what it was called.
Then I started playing the teasing
game with her. This is a killer little piece I developed to take a girl who is already into me and move things along physically very quickly. Normally at clubs you need to stop it before it goes too far, but this night...well, it was different. I'm not going to go through the whole thing here, maybe I'll write about it later.
So me and USB sit in this little cabana thing and I tell her I'm a bigger tease than anyone...she says shes a bigger tease...I "prove it" by teasing her by kissing her neck. She does the same back to me, but her hand through my shirt..and so on. The bouncer comes by and opens the curtains to the cabana so we're not in private anymore.
So next time he comes by, I give him $40 to keep the curtains closed. He stands guard. USB gets the hint that this is for real now. Back to the teasing game. I touch her chest. She makes out with me grabbing my dick. I do my helpless pin maneuver (one hand holding her wrists together behind her back, the other grabbing a handfull of hair right up against her scalp at the base of her neck...do NOT
try this unless you're sure she's deeply into you, or you will get deeply unpleasant results, I promise) and whisper in her ear about all of the horrible nasty things I want to do to her. While whispering such things (learning how to do dirty talk properly is a very useful skill for quick escalation) she wriggles one hand free and starts tugging on my jeans. I release the pin, and next thing I know, she's making me happy.
Technically, I think I won the game, because oral sex totally breaks the rules and isn't teasing anymore. And technically, it was MY teasing which pushed her over the edge into sex.
A bit later, USB's friend finally called and she had to go. She said she'd text me in an hour so we could meet up again. Yeah, right. I assumed I'd never see her again.
At this point I felt totally impervious to failure. Within 10 minutes, I had another girl (hot but nothing like USB) back in a different cabana. I was starting to play teasing game with her, when the lights came up. Sucks. They wanted to close the cabana area. And it was only 6am, I still wanted to party!
So back to the main part of the afterhours club. And about a half hour later, USB texted me. Told me to meet her at some strip club. I didn't know where it was. I didn't know where I was. At that point, I probably didn't know where much was. I specifically was highly unclear on where my liver was, except that it must be hurting. So I told USB I didn't think I could manage the trip. I was plotting to get a room and bring UkrainianBlonde (hot blonde from the previous paragraph) to it. My odds of success on this probably weren't stunningly great given my total lack of anything but pawing-at-the-cute-girl game by this point, as well as her logistics, but I probably had a 1 in 4 or 5 shot and I was going to give it a try. But then USB told me she'd send a friend to give me a ride.
Ummmm....ok. This doesn't normally happen. Ever.
A few minutes later, random call, some girl says she's waiting for me outside the club in a Prius. OK. I leave, find Prius, and there's one girl driving, a ton of stuff in the passenger seat, and a girl in the back seat. So I sit in the back seat. We start driving.Backseat girl:
Hi, I'm [whatever her name was; I have no idea]Me:
Hi, I'm NickBackseat girl:
So I heard about you and USB in the cabana.Me:
Oh ya?Backseat girl:
[Looking at my crotch]. Yeah.Me:
Uh huhBackseat girl:
Want to party?[This is where I guess at whether she means coke or sex. Hoping for the latter]Me:
Sure. [Relax, put hands behind my head, lean back]
...and then she pulled down my pants and started making me happy.
Ummmm....ok. This doesn't happen. (x2)
Her friend pulled over to the side of the road so she could watch.
Ummmm....ok. This doesn't happen. (x3)
...and then they drop me off at the strip club. Where USB is of course nowhere to be found, texting me later that she is some other random place. At this point, I adopted my newly declared policy of "If she won't send a car with a hot girl who is already in the mood, I'm not going"
I like Vegas
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