Meeting J on Friday amused me, because it further illustrates how, when your game is advanced, success or failure is determined by your ability to create good logistical conditions. J is an absolutely stunning brunette (for a guy who loves blondes) who I'd briefly met six weeks before and who had been diligently not committing to any plans since.Logistics
mean the social-physical context in which your interaction is taking place. Having dinner with a woman and her judgmental best friend is bad logistics, at least if you plan to have sex with her that night. It becomes excellent logistics if you can detach the best friend during after-dinner drinks. Having a woman when it's just you and her alone in your house is usually winning logistics
. And so on.
When you have very strong game, being one-on-one with a woman (really one-on-one...talking with a woman at a bar while her friend is at the bar doesn't count) usually means you can sleep with her. That's why my success ratio on dates has gone to nearly 100% - after a disastrous month in which it was closer to 25%. I realized the problem a few weeks ago - I had gotten into the bad lazy habit of of using "cute girl game" (aka "7s", "8s") during which it's usually enough to tread water, have a fun time, wait a couple hours, and she'll be ready to sleep with you. That doesn't work as well on beautiful women (aka "9s" and the stray "10"
). You have to continue to work, with them. Ugh. Anyway.
The problem with most women is in creating those conditions. She is unlikely to help.
Soo...last Friday around 10:30, J did the "what are you doing" text message when I was just finishing dinner with a few friends. Those texts are crucial to handle well - you need to be doing something exciting, but something that she could theoretically join you at, but not make it too easy. And the logistics have to be more or less effortless for her or you get the dreaded "too complicated" reaction, but they also have to appear effortless for you, or else you appear low-value by frantically driving around on a Friday night to include her in your evening. It's taken a while to calibrate this (and a 10:30pm "what are you doing" text is very different from a 1am "what are you doing?" text) and it's far more complex to get this right than it sounds. If it sounds like an easy process, you haven't been consistently dealing with women who are among the most attractive in your city (aka "9s" and "10s"). These women will send out a bunch of "what are you doing?" texts
whenever they get bored of whatever they are doing, and you have to reel them in. There's also the complicating factor of figuring out who she is with and assessing this situation over text. After all, there's a lot more reason to meet up with a woman when she's with her friend and her friend's boyfriend (great logistics) than if she's with 4 girlfriends (another what are you doing text I got the same night, and blew off because of logistics). I really should do a post on this.
Around midnight, we'd closed on plans. She was with her roommate. Not great logistics, since they would naturally want to go home together, but she is gorgeous enough to be worth the attempt, and I had a plan. I specifically arranged for us to end up at a bar near my place, to make it as easy as possible for me to get her back home after. I tried to arrange for me to pick them up, so they'd be in my car and easier to lead around, but J wasn't having that.
So I arranged to meet them both to go to a bar near my place. This is obviously because I don't want them far from my place at 2am, when the bars close - I want to make it as easy as possible to get them home. So we met near my place, and I told them to follow my car into the parking lot for my complex. Beautiful. Now at the very least they are committing to coming back to my complex at the end of the night, and I've avoided the 2am state break (from the Seduction model in Magic Bullets
) of leading them home. Now, they're coming home anyway, all I have to do is get them to my apartment instead of the parking lot.
So, we park, we walk to the bar (they're complaining about the walk, but I'll take the short-term pain of that to avoid the 2am statebreak), and have a couple of drinks. I'm texting various potential wingmen at this point, since it would help to have someone to deal with the roommate, who was herself an 8.5 or a 9.
When I have two women together in a date situation (i.e., there's a recognized underlying romantic context between me and one of the women), I usually spend as much time as I can winning the affection of the other woman - I go as far as I can without confusing the signals about who I'm interested in or boring/excluding the date.
That worked fine, and it also kept the other woman from talking to other guys. Sometimes, I deliberately try to recruit an instant wingman
, but in this case, that would have been logistically bad. Advanced reader test: why? A few reasons actually...
A) I thought I had a wingman coming over to deal with her anyway (he ended up hooking up with another girl before leaving the club he was at, so never showed)
B) Any other guy she met would likely have had other friends with them and since J was unreal hot, one of his friends would likely have been attracted to her, creating unnecessary competition. I wasn't at all "in" with J yet, so my hold on her wasn't that strong. We hadn't even kissed yet. As strong as my game and my frame is, this was an A-list bar, with other guys who have very strong game, celebrities, etc. If Roommate meets some guy who is part of a group of 6 really cool socially dominant people, it was going to require more work to get J alone, at my place, and really attracted to me. It's still doable, and I've done it many times before, but it's *way* more work and way more things can go wrong.
C) Some other guy might have a line on a great after party or something glamorous at 2am. Could easily risk losing J to that as she followed her roommate and Hypothetical New Guy (HNG). I'd have to go along, which would lose control of the group, and create a whole new set of challenges.
D) Even if I was able to keep J for myself, the logistics could have been messed up. It only would have worked in HNG was willing to detach himself from his friends and come back to my place with J and Roommate. If HNG wanted to bring Roommate somewhere else, it would have meant a 2am split of Roommate and J, forcing all kinds of state breaks. And with their car at my place, it creates logistical confusion and the possibility of the "too complicated" reaction. [I'll do another post on "too complicated" - this is a verbalization of an important element in female thought processes that yields a ton of insight...like "doesn't count" and "just happened"]. This is probably getting too advanced and complex for this post right now..
So, the instant wingman thing really only works when you are definitively the leader of your group, you are locked on the location you all are going to later, and, ideally, you are the one who approaches the prospective instant wing, so he is "under your wing" so to speak, and doesn't try to pursue an independent agenda (like detach YOUR girl for his friends).
So, for all of those reasons, I made sure to keep Roommate from other guys.
J tested me a few times, wandering off to dance, talking to a couple of actors/casting directors she knew who were there, going outside to smoke, etc. For the most part, I sat with Roommate and was nonreactive, although when she went for like 10-12 minutes at one point to have a smoke, and I was just sitting there with Roommate, I knew I needed to get up, find another group, and bring them back to where we were sitting. Just as I was getting up, J came back.
So 2am rolls around, and I quickly lead them out of the bar, to avoid "after party" offers. I wanted them home, drinking wine, waiting for my wing, and then getting physical. Not at some afterparty with more exciting people to meet, logistical challenges, etc.
I walk them home. J tested me a few more times with "what makes you think we're coming upstairs with you?" and stuff like that. I just ignored and occupied their attention with stories and fun conversation. I got them home and suggested drinks and waited for my wingman...
Cursing my fellow Love Systems instructors' ridiculous ability to pull women suddenly and out of nowhere in no time at all, and assuming that, at 2:30am and not having heard from him in 45 minutes, that that was what had happened, I started to think about what plan B would be.
* Threesome? Not going to happen. J isn't into women. As you know from Magic Bullets
, this is one of the first things I find out about a woman once we're in Comfort.
* Replacement Wing? It's 2:30am by this point..
* Instant Wing? That would mean going out, finding a guy Roommate liked (without Roommate having mentioned anything about wanting to meet guys) who had decent game and nothing else to do at 2:30am, and then bringing them back home. Sooooo not going to happen.
* Being obvious. This had to be my plan. Get Roommate occupied with a movie or something, and slip away with J. Not at all ideal.
* Being obvious (modified). This was actually my plan - hope Roommate falls asleep.
So, I put away the music, turned the TV on, and punched up the movie Princess Bride. Great movie, and I'm now 3-for-my-last-3 using it. (Though I'm getting sick of seeing it). I diligently fed Roommate drinks, hoping to expedite the falling asleep process.
What I expected/hoped was that Roommate would fall asleep on the couch watching, while J and I could wander into a bedroom. Instead, Roommate finally at 3am went to the bathroom, and curled up in my bed on the way back from it.
Being careful not to wake her, I closed the bedroom door, signifying some finality to J. Roommate needed to sleep, not be woken up to go home
At least that's what I told J. The night had a happy ending..
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