How do you get beautiful women in your life?
Guys don't tend to talk about this stuff. Maybe once in a while your friend might tell you that your opening line was lame or that your clothes are out of style, but most men's lives are not full of messages and advice on how to succeed with women. There's no common male equivalent to women's magazines which are filled with articles like "How to get a guy!", "How to keep him!", and "How to rock his world!"
For a long time, men either had game or they didn't. Those who did just seemed to effortlessly attract beautiful women. Those who didn't were frustrated or settled and lowered their standards.
I knew I wasn't a "natural" but I wasn't going to settle either. Several years ago, I found other men on the internet who had the same outlook. From different parts of the world, with different ages, backgrounds, looks, and taste in women, all we had in common was a belief that picking up women was a skill that could be learned like any other.
"Picking up" beautiful women is a testable and repeatable process.
We weren't interested in armchair theories or conventional wisdom. We'd all been told to "be yourself" or "smile" or "just tell her how you feel" and it didn't work. So we started from scratch and applied the scientific method. In different cities and countries around the world, we went to bars, clubs, restaurants, coffee shops, malls, and lounges and tested and refined different tactics and reported the results. Over time, we found certain things that "worked" consistently with especially beautiful women. We started to see patterns. Eventually, we pulled different techniques that were successful and reproduce-able into a coherent step-by-step system.
That's when the results took off. Virgins started having one night stands. Average guys dated models and dancers. Divorced guys who'd been out of the market for years found themselves dating younger women they'd thought were unattainable. Today, Love Systems is the most successful dating coaching outfit in the world. Our offerings include our flagship book Magic Bullets, the Love Systems' Routines Manual (with hundreds of word-for-word scripts that the masters use and step-by-step instructions to make your own), and our weekend bootcamps. All of our instructors are former students, which is really inspiring; it shows that our teaching model works, and that our system can work for anyone.
Some of what we're doing now is very advanced and detailed – like in any field where the basic questions have been solved. But as an introductory article, we'll keep things simple. And we'll focus on smartphones. Of course, your choice of phone is not anywhere near the most important thing to succeed with women, but a smartphone CAN give you an advantage in certain situations, and we'll explore those in this article.
The only bit of theory I have to feed you first is the Emotional Progression Model. At Love Systems, we've built a seven-step model for consistently successful pickups. The phases, in order, are:
1. Approaching – You're a stranger to her. These are things you say and do to start a conversation.
2. Transitioning – Taking that initial conversation and shifting it into a more general and flirtatious interaction.
3. Attraction – Where you get her interested in you.
4. Qualification – Where you make her work for your interest and build a connection based on more than her looks.
5. Comfort – Where you solidify mutual attraction into an emotional and/or physical connection.
6. Seduction – Closing the deal.
7.Relationship – Where you steer the subsequent interaction into anything from a traditional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to a friends with benefits situation.
And a full treatment of each phase (and more) is in Magic Bullets. By the way, you can download free copies of the Chapters on Approaching and Transitioning on the Magic Bullets Sample Pack page.
In any case, there are three different parts of the pickup where you can use a smartphone to your advantage:
1. During the initial "pick up" or meeting (i.e., when you first start talking to her at a bar or coffee shop or wherever you meet her).
2. When getting her phone number.
3. To see her again (to go on a date or to hook up with her that night).
Let's discuss these individually...
1. During the initial pickup
The phone helps you most during the Comfort phase. If you're at a bar, this might be half an hour into the interaction, when you've temporarily separated her from her friends and you're sitting together in a quiet area of the bar. Part of the Comfort process is getting to know each other. So if you're telling a story about your sister, for example, and you happen to have a picture of her on your phone, show her. If you're telling a story about an interesting or exotic pet, show her. It makes you and your stories seem more real.
You can use pictures in subtle ways to solidify her attraction to you. For example, women tend to be attracted to men who other women are interested in. (We call this "pre-selection" and this is one of the eight sure-fire triggers to create attraction that we talk about in Magic Bullets). So you can be telling her a story of something funny that happened on a recent camping trip, and then show her a picture of your camp... which just happens to be of you and at least one beautiful woman. Don't point her out or draw attention to her. If she asks, don't be defensive. Say something like "oh that's my friend Kayla. You guys would really get along; she has the same crazy sense of humor that you do." Act as if beautiful women are a normal part of your life. You can use video in the same way.
Music is deeply important to many women – women tend to appreciate experiences (and men for that matter) that can put them through different emotional states. So if you start talking about music, and there's a song or a band that you're excited about and that she might like, don't be shy. Show that you are passionate (women like men who are passionate about anything... the passion is far more important than the interest or hobby in question) and excited to have her listen to such-and-such a song. And then pull out your headphones for her and play the song on your smartphone. Better still, pull out your headphones with a splitter so that you can both listen simultaneously. That's a shared experience just between you two, which builds intimacy and comfort in itself. It's like you two are in your own little world for a minute, listening to your own music, separate from the world around you. That's the kind of shared experience that can help build comfort.
2. When you get her phone number
With some of the basic techniques we teach, it's actually fairly easy to get a beautiful woman's (real) phone number. It's significantly more challenging to get her to meet up with you again. Beautiful women – especially younger ones – have a reputation for being "flaky" or difficult to get on the phone, difficult to make plans with, and unreliable in terms of following through with those plans.
Before getting into how your smartphone can help you with this, let's take a quick look at the underlying social dynamics. Let's say a typical, attractive, social woman is out at a restaurant with her friends. While waiting at the bar, an interesting man approaches her. A few minutes later, he asks for her phone number so they can "go out sometime." At that moment, she genuinely would "go out" with this man "sometime"...
... but it doesn’t turn out that way.
Going out "sometime" is different from going out Thursday night. To see her "sometime" all you have to do is be more interesting than doing nothing. That's a pretty low standard. She can agree to that, especially when she is "in the moment" and enjoying his company. However, most beautiful women receive far more exciting social invitations and social obligations than they have time for.
For her to go out with you, you need to be more interesting than anything else going on at that time, like friends, hobbies, work, other dates, or relaxing at home. That's a tough standard to meet, especially considering that when you call her, she's probably not in the same open, social, interested emotional state that she was when she met you. Especially when she met several other men in the intervening time. What, you thought you were the only guy who noticed her? Or that after talking to you for a few minutes and giving you her number that she considered herself off-limits for other men? She might have liked all the attention and flirting, but she doesn't have time to go on nine dates this week. When you call, she is going to look for reasons NOT to go out with you.
Moreover, meeting up with strange men is scary for most women. She might not feel safe. She might worry it will be awkward if she doesn't like you. Women also tend to be more analytical than men about social situations. She may wonder why you'd even call her when you only met for a few minutes and you know so little about her. Are you desperate? Or are you a player?
To have a good chance of seeing her again, you need to establish some Comfort with her during the first interaction. This means you need to Open, Transition, Attract, and Qualify her first. I don't care if you only have 10 minutes. You just have to play faster. If you haven't been through this process, the phone number you get is most likely useless. But even if you do, getting her phone number the right way gives you far more chances of her answering when you call and seeing you again. Here's how:
• Have something specific you're inviting her to do. She should plan to come with you to see your friend's concert on Friday, not to "hang out sometime."
• Bait her into suggesting the date and let her chase you. Drop little hints of things you're going to do or want to do, and see if she tries to become part of those plans or says something like: "that sounds fun." Then you can invite her along.
• Focus on the date, not the phone number. The phone number should be an afterthought.
• Don't make the date, or the phone number exchange, the last part of your interaction. That can make you seem like a player. Stay at least 5 minutes afterwards.
• Impress her friends. When she goes home, her friends should be excited for her that you guys are meeting up later and not wondering who that creepy guy was. Peer group approval is much more important for most women than for men.
• Program your number into her phone as well. Many people will not answer the phone if they don't know who is calling. Have her program your name as something silly like "my hero." Better still, make it something relevant to your interaction. When she sees that name pop up on her phone, she'll smile and be reminded of the emotional state she was in when she first met you.
• Deliberately set up callback humor. Like in the above example, if you have a running joke during your interaction where you have a nickname for her, and later you phone her and call her by that nickname, it often puts her back into that emotional state. She'll be back in the world of being out, having fun, and meeting men, as opposed to whatever she was actually doing when you called.
Smartphone tip: Transfer some interesting and unusual pictures into your phone. Associate one of them with her phone number when you program her in. Make sure she knows what it is, by having her call you to "test" that it works. Use this picture for callback humor. Let's say you associate a picture of a dorky-looking girl with her number. When you call her, immediately start talking about this dorky girl (describe the picture so she remembers) who is in your phone and how you are curious about her. Pretend you think it's her. When she gets the joke, it will help put her back in the moment where she met you and was having fun. It's also a subtle tease on her, which solidifies attraction.
3) To See Her Again
As I mentioned previously, women tend to be far more concerned than men about how they are perceived by others, especially around their sexual morality and decision-making.
For now, let's stick with the basic scenario of you meeting a woman when she's out with her friends at a bar, and she's not going to leave them to go home with you no matter how much she likes you because she doesn't want to risk her reputation.
Always ask her who she is with and how she got there. In some cities (like Los Angeles) it's very common for one woman to drive and to pick up her friends on the way to the club. In others (like New York), women will often arrive separately and meet up once they're there. Once you know her situation, you'll know how long it will take her to be alone and where she'll be. Later that night, just before she's about to be alone, send her a text message inviting her to a convenient (for her) late-night bite to eat or afterparty.
Use your smartphone to make yourself stand out and your offer enticing. If you want her to meet you at another bar or a cool afterparty, record and send her a quick video from the party, maybe you and your friends inviting her (and her friends if necessary) to come join you. If it is you and your friends, make sure they're not all guys – cool looking men and women should be telling "Jen" (or whatever her name is) that she should come to the party. Put the directions straight into google maps or mapquest so it's easy for her.
We have a concept at Love Systems called compliance. I won't really get into it here, other than to say that you don't want to be asking a woman to invest or work more than she wants to. Even answering the phone (from a stranger she met the night before at a bar) is an investment if she's not sure how interested in you she is the next day. That's why we called text messaging "the low compliance alternative" (to a phone call).
One of the great things about smartphones is how powerful they are with text messages:
• You can store your outgoing text messages. One of our instructors at Love Systems is great with this. Using the same scientific method, he has discovered the most effective text messages to send after the initial meeting, to go for the one-night-stand, to keep him in her head in the days after if he didn't get the one-night stand, to set up a future date, and so on. So he's built up a database of the 3-5 best text messages for any occasion, and just sends them out when needed. You too can test, learn, and run experiments.
• Smartphones thread text messages, so you can see your whole conversation with a woman as if it were a chat. You don't ever have to wonder if you've already sent her a given text message. You can always refresh your memory about her and what she's said. And when your phone "time-stamps" each text, you can get an idea of the rhythm of your conversation. You don't want her to think you are pushing too fast or are too available. So, if she responds to each of your text messages with about a 15-minute delay, you can go slightly faster to speed things up, but don't respond right away. And once in a while, give a big delay. If the usual pattern is (for example) every 15 minutes, at some point wait a few hours. It shows without saying anything that you have other things to do, and makes her wonder and think about you. She might even text you to find out if she inadvertently offended you or did something wrong. Now in her head, she is chasing you. This is good.
• Stay in her head by once in a while sending (even as a mass text message to a bunch of women you've met) a picture or video of something funny that happened. Don't try to impress her and it doesn't have to be romantic or about her in any way. A guy on the street with a funny sign with your comment "be careful tonight, the crazies are out" is light and interesting, doesn't betray too much interest, and keeps yourself in her head.
• Record your phone calls so you can improve. With most beautiful women, at some point between the first meeting and seeing them again, you're going to have to talk to them on the phone. There is a strategy and art to this call (this is what we call "phone game"... there is a chapter on it in Magic Bullets) and as you're learning it, you may as well record yourself so you can evaluate and improve after each call. Just put her on hold, activate a three-way call to your voicemail, skip your greeting, and then conference her back in. Now the two of you are talking and your voicemail is recording.
• Some beautiful women don't date men they've just met once (see "when you get her phone number" above for some of the reasons why). Your best chance to see her again is to see her "out" somewhere, usually when you've both got your friends with you. If you do a good job the next time you see her, you might graduate from "random guy from the bar" to "that interesting guy Chris" (or whatever your name is). And then you have a better chance of seeing her alone. So how do you do this? Use the mass text message feature. Send a message to all the women you met that week like "Great show at House of Blues tonight - you should drop by." She probably won't, but it might start a conversation about meeting up somewhere. Even if not, it puts you back in her head and shows that you lead an interesting and exciting life that isn't dependent on her.
One thing I hope you take away from this article is how the subtle little things matter a lot. Dating science isn't about the "killer pickup line" or the magic secret that unlocks women's hearts. It's about understanding the system and doing enough of the little things right to succeed with women.
Your journey might have started with smartphones, but don't let it end there. Dating science is real. It works. It's not manipulative, it's not only for certain kinds of guys, and it's not [insert whatever excuse you’re making here].
Take a look at our e-book about Phone and Text Game here