As we’ve discovered in the previous installments, women want to meet attractive men during the daytime. Since not many men approach women during the day, you can make a very strong impression if you can be the guy who does.
But what makes up a good approach and how do we make the best impact possible? There are various components that make up a good approach and you can certainly approach in such a way that doesn’t demonstrate the qualities we want.
If you end up looking like someone who wants something from the woman, then chances are you won’t be making a good impact. Instead, we want to approach in a very natural way, without coming across as wanting something from the woman and expressing our confidence as we do so.
A good approach, beyond being confident and taking that risk, comprises of the following:
You want to stand up straight and have good neutral posture. This, on a basic level when standing, means you want your feet shoulder width apart facing forwards, with your back straight and your spine in a neutral position. This means no leaning forward or backwards and no slouching forward from the shoulders. Shoulders should be back and your head should be in position with your spine, not tilted upwards or downwards.
See the below image as an example, you want to be like the middle posture.
If you have bad posture it can be quite a lot of work to correct. Years of bad habits have trained our bodies into poor movement and postural patterns and it will take much conscious effort and likely some physical work to correct.
One thing I recommend to all of my students with bad posture is to get into the gym and workout smartly, often with a good personal trainer is best. Additionally, a visit to a chiropractor will do almost everyone much benefit. When I combined chiropractic treatment with personal training my body posture completely changed for the better! Not only that but you’ll feel great.
We also have a great book detailing many areas of posture and body language including some great exercises you can do to improve called Body Talk: The Definitive Guide on Body Language for Men.
Guys with confidence don’t have fast, nervous and jerky motions. Instead they are calm, smooth and their movements are slow and deliberate. A tip to help guys with this that we often teach is to imagine like you are moving through water. That resistance and speed of movement should be what you’re aiming for. Make sure that all your movements are deliberate and purposeful. Everything you do should have a reason and a purpose behind it. Take your time and don’t rush your movement. Try to become aware of what you’re doing with your body. Often times we have various nervous movements that we do from time to time. Becoming aware of these is the first step in allowing you to eradicate them. You can then, once consciously aware of them, begin to put conscious effort into cutting those out over time. Again, this is not a fast process so be patient and over time you will cut out any nervous movements that you have.
As with body movements, slow and deliberate speech is a sign of confidence. Guys who speak too quickly are often signaling that they don’t feel confident that people will stay and hear what they have to say, so they rush the words out. Where as a guy who can speak in a slow and measured way is unafraid to be interrupted or not heard and shows a lot of confidence. Making sure to speak loudly also shows people you’re confident. Speaking too quietly doesn’t show much confidence in what you’re saying so always make sure you’re being heard and don’t be afraid of others hearing you. Lastly, you want to have some vocal range to your voice. Women don’t just hear the words you say but the way that you say them. So if you give a complement, say it in a way that shows you mean it…no monotone here!
This is a big one and one that almost every student I work with needs to improve on. It was also one of my biggest stumbling blocks when I was learning how to be more attractive to women. Improving this one are of non-verbal communication will literally change your life. Eye contact is that powerful! Most people are not comfortable with eye contact. It can be uncomfortable at first to hold eye contact with people; it feels very intimidating and exposing. Eye contact is vital because it allows women to feel comfortable and feel connection with you. Being able to hold eye contact with people is a great sign of confidence and will dramatically improve all areas of your life, not just with women.
There are more, but these ones are a great starting point and things you should focus on initially when you’re learning to meet women during the day time.
These non-verbal elements are what you want to keep in mind when you approach women during the daytime. You want to walk up to her in a confident manner with good posture while making eye contact and then delivering what you have to say in a nice slow and measured pace with good volume.
So we have the non-verbal elements but what about the verbal element? I advocate a direct approach when you’re meeting women in the daytime. It makes the most sense. Something about the woman caught your eye so it makes sense to express that rather than trying to come up with some contrived conversational piece to get the conversation going. Delivering a direct compliment works very well in the daytime so long as you deliver it with the non-verbal elements above.
In terms of what to say, I don’t want to give you an exact line, because you’ll then focus only on saying that line rather than saying what you feel. Instead I’ll give you a structure below that you can use to modify to whatever you want to say. The below is a classic approach first advocated by Love Systems instructor Jeremy Soul:
“Excuse me, I just saw you doing X, and I had to come tell you Y”
X = whatever/wherever she was when you saw her.
Y = the specific compliment that you want to say based on the women who caught your eye. The more specific the better, don’t be general here.
Combine these non-verbal and verbal elements together and you have everything you need to go out there and create solid and attractive first impressions with the women who pass you by every day. Have fun!