4 steps to get her number today. Dating coach Jeremy Soul's four steps to get dates with beautiful women
Read the original article at Men's Health.
Much like footballer adultery scandals and Piers Morgan, traipsing through bars and clubs on the pull is a British cultural stalwart that gets boring very quickly. Surely there's a better way to meet women than battling against strobe lights and thumping basslines at 2am? Enter Jeremy Soul, founder of Love Systems'Day Game Workshop. "Often women are surprised and flattered that you came up to talk to them [in the daytime] and they really respect you for having the courage," he explains. Hone your diurnal dating skills using Soul's simple four-step plan.
When braving the commute home from work, you probably aren't thinking about chatting up women. Thus the first step, counsels Soul, is to realign your attitude. "Start by just opening your eyes," he says. "Once you do this you should quickly realize that beautiful women are everywhere." And, most likely, they're not being assaulted by a dozen slathering half-cut blokes – significantly upping your odds of success. Simply stride over and deliver your opener. You don't need magic potions or Brad Pitt looks. You just need some balls.
"The easiest way to start a conversation with a random woman is to pay her a compliment," says Soul. Try just walking up to the lady who has caught your newly-widened eye and – very politely – inform her you noticed her standing there and just "had to tell her" how stunning or beautiful she is. (As we said: balls. Get some.) "You want to give something specific as well," says Soul. "For example, point out some aspect of her style, or the way she carries herself, or her hair." By being detailed, rather than blundering in with just you're-such-a-hottie style generalizations, you show you're not just hitting on every woman who walks past. She, in particular, struck you because of her style/grace/posture. This ensures she's far more inclined to chat to you.
Meeting people is easy. Getting dates is a little more tricky. "This is the stage where a lot of guys really fall down," says Soul. Your opening line and delivery can be perfect, but if you've nothing to back it up, you're screwed. After all, the first line of a symphony is important, but it's not the bit you remember.
"When you talk to a woman for the first five minutes, you're attracted to her because as men we're attracted to looks," says Soul. "But women are attracted to different things. They want to see intelligence. They want to see confidence. They want to see status, social savvy, charm, and attention to detail..." As such, you need to structure the conversation in that first five minutes so that you showcase as many of those qualities as possible.
So. How? "I advise my clients that they should be talking for 60-70% of the first five minutes," says Soul. Staying quiet and letting her lead the conversation is unlikely to allow you to advertise your personality strengths in the short period of time you have. Obviously don't interrupt her, but listen attentively and, when you can, steer the conversation towards topics that you understand well and are knowledgeable about. "Ideally, you can lead off your specific compliment," says Soul. "Say you've said something about how her style is very American, you could ask her whether she's been to New York, which can easily lead into an interesting conversation." This example also allows you to subtly imply that you're well-travelled. What's more, call something like her heritage or style choices right and you instantly add perceptiveness to your list of admirable characteristics on show.
Now, the most important bit. Getting that number. Once you've got the conversation running, you need to start letting her know that you enjoy her company and would like to continue the conversation some other time. "Pepper in a couple of compliments in that first five or 10 minutes about her personality and how much you enjoy talking to her," says Soul. "Try bringing in, for example, how you think they're a really interesting person, how you like this, this and this about them, or how cool it is that they're so ambitious," says Soul.
After about 10 minutes of chat, tell them you've got to head off but want to continue the conversation. Then simply ask if they'd like to go for a drink or a coffee some time. This, Soul explains, covers several bases. "You don't want to make it too formal. 'Would you like to go for dinner with me' is a lot of investment after a quick conversation, so shooting for a drink – or even just asking if you can find them on Facebook if they seem a bit taken aback – is best." This also gives her the choice between coffee or a drink in a bar, which may allow you to gauge her interest level.
Finally, always be ready to walk away. "If you want a woman that's good, but the moment you 'need' the interaction to work out, you're going to mess it up," says Soul. Neediness, much like nerdiness, just repels women.
Jeremy Soul's new book Daytime Dating is out July 15. Love Systems teaches dating and pick up skills to men through books, DVDs, and live training.
Words by MH's Ed Vanstone.
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