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Nick Savoy, lead instructor for Love Systems, is a professional pick-up artist. Really, training men on the science of picking up women is his job. So, we turned to Savoy to answer our most pressing question: What’s the average guy doing wrong?
One thing I’ve noticed is that most men naturally make the same basic mistakes. If these five “game killers” are holding you back, here's a solution for each situation.
Men are nice to attractive women all the time. She probably likes it, but it doesn’t set you apart from other men any more than breathing would. Plus, if you suck up to her right away, she’ll know you think she’s out of your league. In which case, she won’t disagree.
SOLUTION: Show her you see her as a real person and not someone to put on a pedestal. Tease her or joke around with her like you would a good friend. It subtly tells her, “I’m on your level.” But don’t push this so far that you come across as a jerk. For example, if she does something clumsy or silly, playfully say, “You’re such a dork.” Like you would to a little sister.
Approach anxiety is hesitating or not approaching when you see an attractive woman. We’ve tested this to death; your chances with a woman are much better if you show the courage and confidence to approach her right away. Hesitating means missed opportunities, and makes it harder when you actually do start talking to her, since she probably saw you working up your courage.
SOLUTION: Develop your “eyes-feet reflex” (when your eyes register an attractive woman, move your feet to meet her). A confident, spontaneous “hi” is better than the best opening line delivered ten minutes later. If you must have an opening line, then try this: “Hey, we need you to settle a bet. Do drunk I Love You’s count?” Have a story in your mind that fits the situation and change the subject as soon as you can, and away you go!
Almost every man starts off by asking a woman where she’s from, where she went to school, and so on. You're looking for something you have in common with her, and you're going to ask questions until you find it. It’s not a terrible strategy – if it weren’t for the fact that this is what every other man does, and she hadn't been asked these questions thousands of times before. Some women compare this to “being at an interview for a job I don’t even want.”
SOLUTION: Tell her about yourself and she’ll reciprocate. Get her interested in you and in the conversation, and these questions will feel natural instead of boring. Never ask two questions in a row. If you absolutely need to know something, it’s more fun to take a guess. E.g. “I kind of get a West Coast vibe from you...”
It’s been proven that people remember other people better and more positively if there’s physical contact. Start small and build up so that when it’s time to go for the first kiss (or more) it will feel like a natural progression that she’ll be comfortable with instead of a big awkward moment when you “make your move."
SOLUTION: Touch early, touch often. Keep it appropriate at first – touch her arm when you make a point or take her hand when you lead her through a crowd. Start touching within the first minute or two, so it’s not awkward when you start later.
Attractive women rarely hang out alone, so expect to meet her friends at least at first. Their opinions matter. If you get “cockblocked” at the end of the night you only have yourself to blame; I usually have a woman’s friends encouraging her to go home with me.
SOLUTION: Don’t make it look like you’re trying to separate her from her friends. If they are cool with you, they’ll eventually leave you two alone naturally. Compliment her friends. Tell a single one about a great guy who she’d be perfect for and that you’ll have to introduce them sometime. That gets her invested in her friend and your friend hitting it off...