End the night with no-strings-attached sex—without coming off like a creep.
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A lot of guys think it’s not real–but it is: There are classes men can take to get better at meeting, attracting, and, yes, seducing beautiful women. They’re guaranteed and, judging from the success stories, they work. Problem is, they’re not cheap, and seats fill up fast. So we asked Nick Savoy, president of Love Systems, a dating-coach company, to stop by for a quick lesson on securing a one-night stand without coming off as a creep—or waking up attached.
Find out who she’s with and how she’s getting home, so you can work around any obstacles. You don’t want to be figuring out at 2 a.m. that she’s the designated driver for all of her friends who live in some distant suburb. Know this stuff in advance, so you can plan around it, e.g., if she’s there with her cute friend, introduce her to your friend/wingman. You’ll turn a potential saboteur into a potential ally.
Going under the radar is fine, and we recommend it for new guys. But if you want to bang her brains out, tell her. Done right, it will impress her with your confidence and authenticity, and might even turn her on.
“Done right” is easier said than done and needs a whole article in itself. But to get you started, 1) think “passion” not “sleaze” and 2) whatever you tell her, do it while whispering in her ear.
A common Love Systems saying is, “You can’t talk a woman into bed.” If she’s not comfortable holding your hand or kissing you, she’s not going to be comfortable having sex with you. If she does come with you, you’re very likely to get last-minute resistance. You can sometimes change her mind in that situation, but it’s better not to have to.
Instead, touch her and escalate. Some women won’t want to go too far in public–respect that–but make sure you and she are having an escalating “physical conversation.”
Don’t talk only about sex–that’s boring and sleazy–but don’t avoid it either. Show that you can confidently talk about sex without being uncomfortable, awkward, or desperate. (If she gets any of these emotions from talking about sex with you, she definitely won’t want to have sex with you).
Besides, sex lends itself to a lot of humor, jokes, and teasing. Making her laugh releases good emotions, so you’ll kill two birds with one stone.
Don’t make life harder for yourself because of things that are under your control. Where do you plan to take her? Is it clean? Do you have condoms? More than one if the first one breaks? Does your roommate know how to disappear or be discreet?I’ve lost same-night encounters for bizarre reasons, like when a woman’s friend had an epileptic seizure at the bar or when I brought a woman back to my hotel to find it on fire. This kind of stuff is outside your control.
Closing time at the bar or club can be a madhouse, and those awful ceiling lights that often go on are the opposite of sexy. Her friends will reappear and random guys will take one last shot. The longer you wait, the more likely she is to get tired or some random weird event may occur to screw things up.
Early on, when things are going well, start dropping hints like, “I’m having fun; I don’t want the night to end yet” or tell her about something at your house that she’d be interested in. Plant the seed in her mind early, so it isn’t a surprise later.
You can do this with multiple women on the same night. Pick the one who responds who interests you the most and save the rest for a rainy day.This works great if you meet someone interesting, but it’s really early in the night. Exchange phone numbers and text her so she knows it’s you. Later that night, text her and ask if she’s still there. If she comes to find you, your odds of taking her home are much better than if you’d tried to monopolize her whole night.
A Love Systems instructor was showing some hidden camera pickup video at the last Dating Super Conference. A woman he was talking to asked him where he lived. To most guys, this is a throwaway question that they’d answer with something like “Brooklyn” or “Third Street”.
Instead, He said “about five minutes away,” filling in one (small) piece of the puzzle–that he lives close by. With experience, and knowing what to look for, you can find dozens of similar opportunities–as well as a surprisingly easy “yes” when you suggest going home.
Always act as if you know she wants you but don’t say it. (Unless you’re advanced and know what you’re doing). This should come out subtly. For example, if you’re playfully avoiding a question, say something like, I’ll tell you in a couple of hours if we still like each other” or “I’ll tell you in the morning.”
Or tease her by saying you bet she hogs all the blankets, and you and she will never work. If she disagrees, she’s still accepting the frame that there are going to be blankets to be fought over.
Unless there’s something wrong with your living arrangements, your odds the first time are much greater at your place than hers. Her place is unpredictable–does she have a judgmental roommate? A crazy ex-boyfriend on her porch? A sick cat? A reminder that she has to work at 6 a.m. tomorrow?
Remember “control the controllables.” Her place is just one giant uncontrollable. But if it’s what you have to do, read this.