July 13, 2011


Cure your approach anxiety | FHM

You see an attractive woman at a bar, coffee shop, or party. You want to go talk to her…when all of a sudden that nervous feeling shows up. Sound familiar?

Most guys are not “naturals” at being able to confidently approach any woman they want, in any situation. (At least not without a lot of alcoholic “liquid courage.”)

Being able to confidently approach a woman you are interested in – without creeping her out by glancing at her repeatedly while trying to psych yourself up, without hovering her, without being yet another drunk guy – is not necessary before you can even begin the process of seducing her, but the confidence and boldness you’ll show is attractive to women in itself.

At Love Systems, we have something called the “three second rule”. It’s been proven that women respond much better to men who start approaching them within three seconds of noticing each other.

To help you cultivate this reflex (see an attractive women…no more than three seconds…start moving your feet), here are some basic pointers:


Here's a recent broadcast we did on The Psychology of Social Anxiety. 

Don’t over think things

Agonizing over the “perfect” thing to say will kill your chances. The three second rule gives you just a couple moments to think of what you’ll say; then it’s time to start moving. Even if you just say “Hi,” it’s better than a brilliant opening line delivered after 10 minutes or standing around.

If you’re especially nervous, the best tried-and-true routines (not just opening lines, but the next thing you say, plus proven lines to build attraction, comfort, and to close the deal) are available in the downloadable Love Systems Routines Manual.

Rejection isn’t a judgment

Don’t fear rejection. If she isn’t interested, you’re no worse off than if you didn’t approach her in the first place. Remember, she can’t possibly reject you in the first 90 seconds – she doesn’t know you well enough to reject you. She can only reject your approach. Using Love Systems techniques will cure that situation quickly…

Warm up

To break the ice, consider your first few approaches as “warm ups.” Get yourself in a talkative mood before you hit the bar/party/club. Before you go out, call a few friends. Hit a couple bars on your way out. Above all, don’t take anything too seriously. The more you make it fun, the easier it will be (and your results will improve).

Use opinion openers

Opinion openers are great for getting over approach anxiety because, after all, you’re just asking a question. Since you’re simply engaging the woman by asking a question, opinion openers are a great way to ease into more aggressive and rewarding approaches. A great list of opinion openers can be found in the free, downloadable Chapter 5 of Magic Bullets.

Create incentives

Just like working out, improving your ability to approach will involve some rewarding and punishing. For example, you can go out with a friend and give him $200 and have him give you $20 back every time you approach someone new. Whatever method you choose, the goal should be to incentivize yourself to approach as much women as possible.

Dealing with mixed groups

Don’t be afraid of mixed groups of men and women. To avoid any potential issues, direct your opening conversation to the men in the group first and start to befriend them (but don’t kiss their ass). You can talk about sports, cars, drinks, or anything that seems like a natural conversation starter. If you’re interesting enough, you’ll grab the woman’s interest as well.

Approaching a mixed group is also an automatic point builder with women, since they’ll admire your guts for approaching a group full of guys. Almost immediately, you’ll also be able to gauge the relationships of the men and women in the group. Are they dating? Did they all just meet? Depending on the situation, you can either sink or swim together. Check out Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for an advanced look at how to decipher a good wingman from a rival and be successful with groups.

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