September 15, 2013


5 Reasons She Picked the Other Guy | Men's Fitness

He doesn't seem to have anything you don't. So, what the heck happened?

Read the original Men's Fitness article here

But before we get to the list, let's clear up one thing: She probably didn't ditch you because the other guy is better in bed. It’s hard to think of a reason that more directly targets the male ego. Fortunately, it’s extremely rare. She might drop you as her friend-with-benefits for a super stud, but when it comes to dating and relationships, she’s not going to drop you for another guy purely based on sexual performance.You hung out with her a couple of times. Things were going well. Then you find out she’s dating somebody else—a guy who doesn’t seem to have anything you don’t. What the heck happened? For answers, we went to the expert—Love Systems instructor Nick Savoy. He has trained over 10,000 men to successfully date “out of their league” and demolished common dating myths that hold men back.

1. You were too available

People value what they have to work for, and don’t appreciate what comes too easily. This has been proven over and over in many different fields, and applies just as much to the dating world.

So if you don’t ever challenge her, don’t ever question her, don’t ever call her out, then you risk her thinking that you’re the “nice guy” or the platonic friend. She might not even know why she’s not attracted to you—only that she “doesn’t see you that way”—or not anymore, anyway.

Be a bit of a challenge. Most women want a boyfriend who is on their level, not one who puts them on a pedestal.

2. The timing was off

The dating world can be random. Maybe you had a great date with her a couple nights ago, but last night she went out with someone else, they stayed up talking all night, she happened to have today off, they hung out all day, and are grabbing dinner together tonight like they’re already a couple. It could just as easily have been you—but it wasn’t.

People usually don’t get into relationships because they meet “the one.” They get into relationships when they decide that that’s what they want—and then meet someone compatible.

3. You were only a placeholder to begin with

Men tend to be outcome-oriented. We have conversations to exchange information. When we go on dates, it’s to assess or pursue the possibility of a romantic and/or sexual relationship. In contrast, women tend to be process-oriented. They’ll talk for the pleasure of having a conversation. Some women enjoy the dating process even without looking for anything more than dates.

If this describes the women in question, then unless you totally blew her away, you probably never had much of a chance anyway. She just didn’t have anything better to do that night and thought that being taken out for dinner would be fun. (By the way, dinner and a movie is a terrible first date—here’s why.)

4. She didn’t see you as long-term material

She had fun hanging out with you. But she didn’t see you as a potential boyfriend. Maybe because she thought you lacked “boyfriend qualities” or maybe because she thought you weren’t looking for a relationship. Either way, it was fun, but she wants to settle down now.

So if you’re the kind of guy who is out doing something different every night, forgets to text her back for days at a time, or lives in a party house, you might not be signaling women that you’d be a good boyfriend, or even that you’d want a steady girlfriend.

5. Her friends or family don’t like you

She liked you, but the stress of dealing with judgment and disapproval from her friends and/or family isn’t worth it. This is more common when there are big age, racial, cultural, or lifestyle differences between the two of you.

To many women, a relationship isn’t just about coupling up—it’s also about sharing each other’s lives. So if she can’t figure out how you’ll fit into hers, or how she and her friends will fit into yours, she might not be able to see you as a long-term partner.

In addition, women tend to be defined by their relationships more than men. Where you might not care what your friends think of your new girlfriend, most women care a lot about what their friends say.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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