By JUSTIN ROCKET SILVERMAN
Sarah was tall, brunette and beautiful in a blue, skintight dress. After chatting with her for 15 minutes at The Spotted Pig in the West Village, it was time to move in for the digits.
"You should give me your number," I said as a statement instead of a request, just as they taught me at Love Systems boot camp for would-be pickup artists.
"Why don't you just give me your e-mail address?" she replied.
The odds of her actually e-mailing me seemed to fall somewhere between unlikely and impossible. So I stammered, searching for a suave response.
That's when The Don, my boot-camp instructor, came to the rescue.
"Hey, you hitting on my boyfriend?" he asked, throwing his arm around my shoulder. Sarah laughed.
"For your information, this here is the coolest guy in the world," he went on. "I've known him for years, and he is the kind of person you want to give your number to."
Never mind that I had actually known The Don, who prefers to remain anonymous so as to not scare away any potential conquests, for less than 24 hours.
Sarah gave me her number without a second thought.
Thus is the magic of Love Systems, which holds boot camps in 13 countries and has instructed thousands of men in the art of seduction.
The intensive training doesn't come cheap - nearly $3,000 for three days and nights, $950 if you only want the daytime classroom sessions.
My nine fellow students, who ranged from an Iraq vet to a Manhattan dentist, spent the second night of class chatting up every single girl at The Park nightclub in Chelsea.
"You can't logic a woman into bed with words," says Nick Savoy, the LA-based president of Love Systems. "The important conversation is the physical conversation."
Honors student that I am, I took every opportunity to grab and squeeze. Not like a creepy subway groper, but just as a swell guy who can't keep his hands to himself.
A host of pickup methods are available at lovesystems.com, but the real value of boot camp comes from having a teacher like The Don at the nightclub with you, forcing you to work the classroom routines.
At The Park, I caught a pretty girl looking in my direction. I strolled over and delivered a suggested opener.
"If you are going to look at me like that, you should at least talk to me," I said with a straight face.
"I can't believe you just said that!" she replied in a way that suggested she was happy I had.
From there, I transitioned into an "interactive value demonstration," where I rested my hand on her hip and commented on her dress.
I disregarded the boot camp lesson about "disqualifying" her by saying something negative.
Instead I tried "qualifying" this girl by encouraging her to talk about her work in neuroscience. She told me how some of her patients suffer from reduced impulse inhibition.
Demonstrating my own reduced inhibitions, I moved in for a kiss on the lips. She pulled back, smiling at my attempt at physical escalation.
"Well, I will say this," she laughed. "You do have great game."