February 02, 2010


GameAxis Magazine Presents Becoming a Gaming Don Juan With Jeremy Soul

Becoming a Gaming Don Juan - A GameAxis Valentine Special

Words: Marcus “Wind” Ho and Jeremy Soul

Design: Lim Wei Zhen

So it’s February, a special month for couples to be sharing sweet moments and personal quirks. And if you’re lucky, you’ll be spending Valentine’s with a significant other bit by the same gaming bug as you are. If you’re not, don’t fret; GameAxis will help you through these awkward moments of non-gaming love. We’ve enlisted the help of Jeremy Soul, one of the most recognized dating coaches of our time – he’s an avid gamer too – to share some tips for the guys on how to improve your relationship with a non-gamer girl.

Have a Relentless Positivity about Your Hobby

If you constantly feel stigmatized from your hobby, you would need to ask yourself this question – Do I really enjoy gaming and am I proud of this passion?

If the answer is yes, then start acting that way.

Essentially, playing videogames is not any different from participating in any form of sports. While there may not be as much physical activities involved, a whole lot of mental agility is required to being truly passionate about gaming. You have to realize that if gaming is something that you really enjoy, it is your passion. Not many people actually have much passion in their lives, so be glad that you’ve found yours.

At the same time, bear in mind that you should always keep a balance between gaming for overly long hours and spending time with your special one. At least a third of your spare time should be spent with her, while the rest can be dedicated to your other passions, family and friends.

Tell Her Why You Enjoy It So Much

Most men make the mistake of talking too much about how good a game is, hoping that their girlfriends would get all excited about it and take up the controller instantly.

While men relate better with factual information and logic, women on the other hand are more connected with emotions. So instead of harping on about the technological aspects (graphics, monsters, epic loot, etc.) of the game, talk about what playing a particular game makes you feel deep inside and why you enjoy it so much. Give her examples that she can identify with. For example, you could tell her how that RPG you always seem to be on makes for a great stress reliever from a hectic workday. It is something that helps your mind to switch off and escape for a bit, so that you’re focused again when you get back to work.

Organize Group Gaming Sessions

Women generally enjoy being social, and organizing group gaming sessions and parties with lots of people over at your house can be a great idea for balancing your hobby and socializing. Titles such as Guitar Hero, Rock Band or just about any game on the Nintendo Wii are great for this. Throw in some drinks and food and you’ll have a fantastic way to spend a Friday night with your friends and special one!

Emphasize Masculine Qualities Within Gaming

One of the attraction triggers in many women for men is when we establish social dominance within the environment – the alpha male if you will. This can help you show that gaming isn’t just a loser hobby for the lazy and uninspired. Why do you think top professional gamers who consistently win tournaments have massive fan bases, and some even groupies!

Start challenging your friends and beating them, or if you’re good enough go on to try participating in tournaments. You could even get her involved as your personal cheerleader, and have her do the trash talking to your opponents!

Challenge Her

This works especially well if she’s feisty. Keep telling her “I’ll kick your ass at XYZ game.” Let her become competitive as you tease and mock each other about it.

If she’s the opposite however, you want to pump up her state of mind instead. Saying things like “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to play and you’ll be on easy mode. Just give it a try; it’ll be fun for us!” do help a lot.

Videogames can be unforgiving at times. So, while she’s playing, remember to guide her through so she can experience a larger part of the game. If you’re playing competitive, let her win a couple of times to gain confidence and keep the momentum going before you start teasing her.

In time, you can let the teasing turn playful as you both become more comfortable gaming together.

In essence, the key is to lead her to it, but not force her into it. As long as she has tried playing the game, you’ve already taken a step to bringing her into your world. But if she is still not interested, let her know that gaming is your passion, and that you expect her to be supportive even if she doesn’t get directly involved.

Recommended Couple Games

  • Mario Kart (Nintendo Wii)

  • Street Fighter IV (Playstation 3, XBOX 360, PSP)

  • Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort (Nintendo Wii)

  • Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time (Playstation 3)

Jeremy Soul is widely known as one of the top dating coaches for Love Systems and has been voted as 2009’s 8th Best Pick Up Artists and Dating Coach in the world. More of his writings and information about him can be found on his blog at www.lifewithsoul.com.

Click on images for full size

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Nick Savoy
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