February 05, 2013


AskMen Gets the Scoop on The Gentleman's Guide to Online Dating by Cajun

Derek Cajun works for Love systems as a dating coach, and is a freelance writer & actor on the side. This is an excerpt from his new book, The Gentleman's Guide To Online Dating.

Short sms-style messages are not the way to go here, and neither are long, drawn out diatribes about how much you have in common with each other.

1. Forever alone

When choosing the pictures to use on your dating site profile, be sure to include pictures where you're having fun with others. Nothing says “possible weirdo” like a profile with nothing but shots of yourself completely alone. Women will assume you have no friends, and no options. Don't feel the need to include photos of yourself all over other women either. All it really says is that you felt the need to include it, and that you're either a player or a horn-dog.

Pro-tip: Try incorporating at least one picture where you're the center of attention in a group of people.

2. Bad shots

Your photos communicate who you are, and on dating sites they're almost always the first thing a woman sees, so make sure you look your best in your main profile picture. Wear clothes that best communicate who you are, make sure your hair is nice, you should be centered in the frame and use a shallow focus if possible.

Pro-tip: Don't look at the camera! Studies have shown that women are more likely to click on a man's profile if he's not looking at the camera in his photo.

3. It's not an interview

Your “about me” in your profile shouldn't be a list of likes/dislikes, facts about you, or things you're looking for in a woman. That's boring! Try to communicate your personality in your write-up. Be descriptive! Tell a funny story that explains the type of person you are or describe an adventure you could both go on! Give them something to comment on so if they're interested in you, messaging you will be that much easier.

Pro-tip: Make sure your spelling and punctuation are correct. Terrible grammar can be a big turn off for some women.

4. Terrible messages

Your first message can make or break you, so put some thought into it. Short sms-style messages are not the way to go here, and neither are long, drawn out diatribes about how much you have in common with each other. Try to evoke an emotional reaction out of her with your messages, and keep it fun! She may get dozens of messages a day -- try to make yours stand out.

Pro-tip: Using humor is a great way to relieve the tension of the first message. Try inviting her to come along on a made-up activity like robbing a bank or stealing a pirate ship, be creative!

5. Get her off the site!

Don't wait for the communication to fizzle by playing email tag back and forth on a dating site. Try to get her on the phone after a few messages and get to know her for real. Don't rush to set a date up -- women often want to make sure they can feel comfortable around you before they'll agree to a meet. Chat programs like skype are also a great way to have a more personal method of communication.

Pro-tip: Don't be too formal with setting up the date. Often “going for a drink” at a hip local bar or restaurant is an easy low-investment date that won't break the bank for you.

Read the original article at AskMen.

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