Pull your hands out of your pockets, stop using your drink as a defense mechanism—and watch how differently women respond.
Read the original Men's Fitness article here
You’ve probably heard that 93% of all communication is nonverbal. That means how you say something is more than 14 times more important than what you say. With those impressive stats, it's time to take a look at what your body language is saying to the women you're (attempting to) work your magic on. For a head-to-toe analysis of what message your stance is sending, we hit up Love Systems instructor Nick Savoy, who offered up seven tweaks that can up your chances of acing the initial conversation. 7 Easy Body Language Fixes
Walk slowly. Let it take a second for your glass to go from the table to your lips. Make slow, controlled gestures, and never waste a movement. Body Language expert (and top dating coach) Derek Cajun advises men to “move like you’re moving underwater.” (Stick with us here.) This shows confidence and command of the situation. Women will see you as someone who people are used to waiting for, not someone who has to rush to keep up.
Hold eye contact 90% of the time when you’re talking, and 60-70% of the time when someone else is. You can practice this with everyone you talk to, not just beautiful women, and it will help in every area of your life. Eye contact implies authenticity, confidence, and a hint of dominance. Those are three great ingredients to get most women’s attention.
If I’m out and see a man trying to pick up a woman, I can tell exactly how well it’s going—without hearing a single word. It’s all about the “physical conversation”—how often does he touch her, how quickly does she respond and touch back, and so on. Start with this very simple rule: Touch early, touch often, and touch appropriately. If you meet a woman at a bar or club or party and there’s no “physical conversation” within five minutes, you’re doing it wrong.
“Defensive” body language—in short, any stance that would protect you if you got hit—is unattractive and shows a lack of confidence. Most men don’t realize when they’re doing this (a lot of body language issues are hard to self-diagnose. We’re just covering the simplest stuff here). A common example: Most men hold their drink up around chest level. Keep it on the table or by your side.
Hands-in-pockets not only comes across as defensive (which we know is bad), it also looks like unattractive and weird—possibly even sleazy. If it’s a habit you have trouble breaking, start by looping your thumb of one hand into your front pocket or belt loop and using the other arm to make gestures, hold your drink, etc.
Smile when you first start talking to someone. Humans are biologically programmed to look for a smile when they first meet, and to be uncomfortable when they don’t get it. Smiling shows that you are relaxed, comfortable, and having a good time—which means that she'll enjoy spending time with you more than she would with Mr. Grumpy. But don’t keep your smile permaplastered on your face; that will seem fake.
This happens at nightclubs a lot. It’s hard to hear, the guy is usually taller than the girl, so he leans in to hear what she’s saying. Don’t do this. It looks awkward and will make her feel awkward if you stay in that position for a while. If you don’t hear something she says in the first couple minutes, just carry on talking. It kills the momentum to ask her to repeat herself. If it’s after the first few minutes, then not being able to hear is a great opportunity to move her somewhere quieter.
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