Confidence is one of the keys to attracting women, but it is often difficult parts of game to attain. While one can learn to discuss mastery topics in a day (which we teach on bootcamps), confidence is something that is absorbed over a certain amount of time. For someone who has never had sex, it might seem daunting to begin a conversation, get a girl interested, get her to come out on a date or handle the pull so that you can get her home and have sex. Once we first begin to have sex with a number of partners, we realize that it is not difficult: our confidence in our abilities has risen.
It does not happen over night. It happens in chunks. Sometimes, someone can be confident with opening, but not confident on dates. Others might be confident throughout the whole process, but they want a higher caliber woman and they lack confidence when a supremely attractive woman comes along.
Acquiring this confidence is what propels men to succeed with women. It has been one of my main foci, and I have seen my game progress as my confidence rose.
While I was working on two-sets, I had a realization: I am afraid of one of the girls thinking I am not attractive enough for her friend so I barely did two sets. I used to give myself a 50-50 shot that every girl would like me, so in two-sets, the probability that both liked me was 25%. I would seldom do two-sets just out of fear of rejection.
The things my instructor friends would say gave me insight into their beliefs and how they had utter confidence in themselves over the competition. I realized that I was killing myself with the 50-50 approximation. I started telling myself before every set, “I am an attractive man.” I pictured success with the most beautiful women the way that I had effortless success with “average-looking” girls. I started smiling more when in field naturally. Two-sets started opening and working nicely. I started to double the number of phone numbers I would get on a daily basis. I was extremely excited. My mantra carried me over into a greater success in my single sets as well. I would start approaching the hottest girls I could find, because when I told myself I was an attractive man, my fear of rejection or creeping her out disappeared.
I used to talk down to myself on a regular basis. I used to get mad at myself when a girl didn’t text back or when I got blown out or if a date didn’t work out.
Everyone told me the same thing: don’t beat yourself up. Learning this stuff takes time. I wish I had listened earlier.
Beating yourself up over things you can’t control is counter-productive and doesn’t help you solve your problems.
This is a classic mindset I had adopted from Future. I think that it is the best way to explain confidence to someone in one sentence. While it is hard to learn the full value of this statement just by reading it, it has guided me through some situations that I never thought would have led to me having sex with the girl.
I have had women throw fits with me, call me an ass hole, send angry texts to me, and worse and I have still had a number of those women sleep with me after. I know how to push through resistance and handle tests because I have adhered to that mindset.
There would be times when I was afraid of pushing the envelope because I didn’t want to come on too strong. I wouldn’t invite her to my house. I would be hesitant to go for the date while on the phone, or I would have a girl in my house and not know what to do when she resisted my first attempts to have sex with her.
What I realized is that there are men who are closers in the world. She can sense if you are a closer and if you are not. If you are not, then she’s not likely to see you again if she wants sex. If she doesn’t want sex, maybe you guys aren't destined for a relationship anyway!