February 13, 2011

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10 Deadly Secrets of Approaching (“Opening”)

If you follow my blog, you saw a post a couple weeks ago that is getting forwarded around a lot, called the “10 Deadly Secrets of Approaching”. We’ll start it off here but for reasons and space (and because a lot of guys have seen this already), we’ll cut it off after the first few and give you a link to read the whole thing.

10 Deadly Sins of Approaching

1) Taking more than a few seconds after seeing an attractive woman to approach her

Approach right away -- it makes you less nervous, it makes her less creeped out, it shows you're a high value confident guy instead of the usual weenies who can't approach her, and you miss a lot fewer opportunities.

2) Talking too fast

Talking too fast makes you sound nervous and makes it hard to follow what you are saying. Use a shorter, simpler opener, or break your opener up into a few parts, or have the confidence that you are interesting enough to listen to without you having to rush through what you're going to say.

3) Talking too softly

Take 100 random guys and tell them to meet women at a club. 99 of them will be too quiet. You never want her to ask you to repeat yourself in the first five minutes — it stalls the conversation and stalls the momentum.

4) Ignoring her friends

Even if you're using a direct opener, acknowledge her friends. If you're using an indirect opener, don't even pay any special attention to the woman you're interested in; approach the whole group.

5) Being too high or too low-energy

Your energy level should be slightly higher than hers. Not lower. And not way higher.

6) Avoiding mixed groups

It’s actually more effective to attract beautiful women when they are in mixed company (men and women) than just with their girlfriends. Learn how.

7) “Milking” your opening line (or opener)

Whatever you approach her with, make sure you’re talking about something else within a couple of minutes.

8) Not having powerful body language

That’s 90% of what she is going to notice anyway. Check out the clips from the Beyond Words Body Language DVD Home Study Course. On the approach, pay special attention to slow, controlled movements. Like Cajun says, move as if you are under water.

9) Not having fun

Emotions are contagious. If you project nervousness, she will feel uneasy too. You can’t always control your emotions – that’s why we focus a lot on body language so that even if you don’t FEEL (yet) like the confident, pre-selected alpha male, you will still come across as one. That will get you success and make it easier for you to feel more confidence next time. But as much as possible, put yourself in a good emotional state before going out – be with people you have fun with, go places you have fun, and so on.

10) Taking it all too seriously

In 10 billion years when the sun has exploded and there is no life left on earth, no one will care what you said to some random girl at some random bar. A woman you’ve met for a few seconds can not and should not mean that much to you.

Print these out — they make a good checklist to refer back to if you’re just getting started.


Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy

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