March 10, 2011


Getting Good with Women: It’s an Internal Game

By Nick Hoss, Love Systems Instructor

Love Systems is always looking for new instructor candidates to train to become elite Love Systems Instructors. (Unlike others, we don’t charge $10,000-$15,000 to do this. It’s free actually. We’d rather have the best instructors than the richest guys – you can’t buy your way into being a Love Systems instructor.) To find out how to become an instructor with Love Systems.

Our newest instructor is Nick Hoss. He’s been training to be an instructor for the past 18 months or so and is already making waves at the bootcamps he’s taught at. It’s a Love Systems tradition that when an instructor joins, and when an instructor retires, he’s given space in the Love Systems’ insider (LSi) to share some knowledge in an area of interest.

So...without further ado, I give you Nick Hoss:

The guy who bitch-slapped my reality only barked at me once.

A couple years ago, when I was just starting out, I met a couple of local pick up guys. The most experienced of this motley bunch, J, watched me talking to two girls near the dance floor, one of whom was having a birthday.

I walked alongside the girls, delivered an opener over my shoulder, and started to recite my awesomeness when the birthday girl snagged my beer.

What the hell?

(This was my third night out meeting women at a bar. Events moved at lightning speed back then.)

“It’s her birthday,” her friend said, hopping like a hyper bunny.

“Oh well, I guess she can have it,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going. Within minutes the birthday girl wanted to dance and yanked her friend away. KA-BOOM! Blow out.

I turned around and saw J leaning against the DJ booth. He observed my entire effort, so I went over.

“Not bad, I got through my opener,” I said to him.

“What I just witnessed was disgusting.” His lips curled while saying it. “You just let a drunk, nineteen-year-old, one hundred twenty pound girl steal your beer right out of your hand. Have some self-respect,” he said, shaking his head as he walked away.

That when I realized that this whole “meeting women thing” was a lot bigger than fun conversations and collecting phone numbers:

It’s an internal game.

A man’s strength can be judged by the quality of women he aligns with. This belief stops me from settling for substandard women (ones who do not have the physical, social and internal qualities I desire).

Substandard women date substandard men.

Love Systems holds a great truth that, in order to keep a terrific woman around, you must be a man of unwavering self-reliance, belief, character and standards. In other words, a real woman needs a real man.

Most men, when they start with Love Systems, learn some killer things to say and do to attract beautiful women. The nifty moves will lead you to a lot of success. Many guys get girlfriends this way. And that’s great if that’s your goal.

However, if you don’t have your internal dilemmas solved and demons reigned, you’re just a grown up boy in a man’s boots. You’re bound to stumble as you walk down life’s path.

Love Systems forces you to slay those demons. The ability to date a quality woman is the litmus test of a man’s strength. As Braddock put it in his breakthrough Social Circle Mastery Home Study Course, attractive women never date down. If you can’t attract (or keep) the women you desire, you have to work to do so.

I started out not having anything to say to women, so I got some openers and routines. Then I couldn’t get any numbers or dates, so I had to work on my qualification and comfort. Dates, flakes and 6s and 7s later, I knew I could attract respectable, average women. My mind couldn’t refute that fact. Doubt disappeared. I became powerful and selective around these women, my new reality.

This is how being a man is supposed to feel, I thought.

However, I didn’t go to the bar every weekend to meet average women. I wanted the best looking women. I didn’t have to get one of them every night, but I wanted the confidence of knowing that they were within my capability. If they were, I would always have that caliber of women as an option. Options equal power.

My deeper demons needed slaying, so I grabbed a bigger sword.

I moved cities and went out five nights per week with guys better than me. I dropped my “safe” wardrobe and got a haircut. I began pursuing real life, “big boy” goals instead of being just another university kid. I almost gave up; I came roaring back. I’d question if I had it in me, then I’d date my hottest girl yet. Eventually, I met Jeremy Soul and my game blew wide-open.

I went from pretending to be a worthy guy to actually being a worthy guy. The 7s and 8s I met turned into 9s. The immaturity of nineteen-year-olds led me to date twenty nine-year-olds. I learned a lot about what real women desired. Outer game had little to do with it by that point.

Every experience—every test, every phone number, every rejection, every date, every blowout, every lay—tore off one more strip of the old, substandard Nick, and the strength I gained manifested into the new, healthy, powerful me… and there is always more that can be done.

When you tear off your layers of old bullshit and replace them with new mindsets and beliefs, you start seeing the world in new shades.

You walk around with a smile instead of counting cracks in the sidewalk.

Attractive women give you the excitement of a challenge instead of fear of Amazons in high heels and war paint.

In essence, I know that my internal self will keep strengthening as I work on it. I’ve now re-conditioned my mind to believe that the more I improve my beliefs, image and lifestyle, the more attractive I am as a real man. The results seem to follow.

Success breeds success and failure breeds learning. In Love Systems (or any skill), you need to bask a little when you reach a new level to reinforce that you are improving. I use a journal to learn from the interactions like the one I’ve written above. If you’re like me and tend to be too critical of yourself, recording the small chunks of daily life will reveal hidden progress.

Posting Field Reports on The Attraction Forums is a great way to keep track of your journey.

At the same time, you must be critical of your mistakes. Be honest. Break down your sets and learn bitch slap yourself if you make excuses in your life. Remember, it’s not about the women; it’s about you.

It’s an internal game.

To learn more about Nick Hoss, visit his bio page here.

Nick Hoss is based in Vancouver, Canada, and is available for one-on-one training in Western Canada and the U.S. Pacific Northwest. He is also available for phone consultations worldwide. To train with Nick, contact us.

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