July 01, 2015


Trigger Words: The secret of NATURAL flirty conversation

When you first meet a woman, it’s important to be able to tease her and show your sense of humor quickly – before she writes you off as “just another guy”. One powerful way to do this is called Trigger Words.

When you first meet a woman, it’s important to be able to tease her and show your sense of humor quickly – before she writes you off as “just another guy”.

One powerful way to do this is called Trigger Words.

Where do Trigger Words come from?

Trigger Words started as a breakout room session at the Love Systems Super Conference and are always among the most popular parts of Super Conference. Trigger Words solve the problem of how to make natural, flirtatious conversation with a woman you just met.

(If you haven’t been to Super Conference yet -- Breakout room sessions are different from lectures, because they are interactive and you practice while you’re learning, with a top instructor guiding you and correcting you. See video from the Breakout Rooms here.

Trigger Words are so powerful and popular that this year there will be a full 5-hour workshop to master trigger words coached by an instructor on the Wednesday after SuperConference – so August 26th in Las Vegas. Click here for more info.)

How do Trigger Words Work?

To explain how Trigger Words work, let me first give you a typical conversation where the man is NOT using Trigger Words:

MAN: I’m Jeff
WOMAN: I’m Susan
JEFF: So where are you doing tonight?
SUSAN: It’s my friend’s bachelorette party
JEFF: That’s awesome. My friend just had a bachelor party last week. Are you having fun?
SUSAN: Yeah, totally.
JEFF: So..ummm…do you want to get a drink?
SUSAN: Actually, I have to find my friends.
JEFF: Oh, ok. Hey want to exchange phone numbers and talk later?
SUSAN: Sorry. I have a boyfriend. Bye!

Pretty lame, right? Yet I suspect that many of you have had conversations like with this women in the past. I know I have, in the years before Love Systems.

The problem here is that if you start off asking logical, factual questions, you have to be prepared to tease or be playful if she gives you logical, factual answers.

But…that’s easier said than done. If it was easy for men to approach random women and think of something clever, witty, and flirtatious on the spot in a way that’s not a cliché or that she hasn’t already heard a million times before, Love Systems wouldn’t exist. That’s where Trigger Words come in. Trigger Words are an easy shortcut to making NATURAL, WITTY, FLIRTATIOUS conversation with a woman who you just met.

Now, Trigger Words are much too powerful to explain in just one article, so I’ll give you a couple shortcuts to get started, even though these are unfortunately about 5% of what you’ll cover in a Trigger Words session with an instructor (plus all of the rapid-fire practicing with an instructor is important to train your mind to respond quickly and automatically with this stuff). But with that out of the way…

  1. Take one key word out of her response (the “trigger word”)
  2. Think of an exaggerated, ridiculous stereotype associated with that trigger word.
  3. Respond to her as if the stereotype were real.

So with Jeff’s conversation from before, Susan says that she is at a friend’s bachelorette party. What is a stereotype about bachelorette parties? There are lots – let’s choose “male strippers” for this example. So instead of answering with “That’s awesome. My friend just had a bachelor party last week. Are you having fun?” Jeff could say something like “Oh, awesome, I was looking for you guys. I’m your exotic dancer tonight.”

That’s a start. To do better, Jeff could exaggerate it. So he could say “Oh, awesome, I was looking for you guys. I hope you guys are cool, I just came from doing a show at Shady Acres Retirement Home and oh my gosh those ladies got really handsy”. Now you’re right into a teasing / role-play kind of conversation that leads to attraction. (Teasing and role plays are also very popular interactive breakout room sessions at the SuperConference).

Role plays are also important because if you don’t take her home that night and you have to text or call her to see her again, you have some callback humor. If she is enjoying and participating in the role play, keep it going for a minute or two (and continue exaggerating and heightening it). If she’s not, find out something else about her and try a different stereotype on a different Trigger Word.

Don’t tease her about something specific to her or where she could genuinely be insulted. Never tease a woman you’ve just met about her appearance or her values.

Let me give you one more example of Trigger Words in action.. (Again, this doesn’t even come close to doing justice to Trigger Words but I’m way over length as it is and if this isn’t going to turn into a book I need to cut this off at some point…)

Let’s say you’re in somewhere that’s warm and with a lot of tourists, like Spain or Las Vegas. Since tourists come from all over the place, you ask her where she’s from and she says “London”.

First, cut off your natural instinct to say something boring, like “Cool, I’ve always wanted to go to London” or “I have a friend in London.” Being boring early means you are on the express train to Let’s Just Be Friends.

Instead, pick a stereotype. There are a lot of stereotypes about London; to choose one at random, let’s go with “it’s often cold and rainy and cloudy”. And then let’s exaggerate it. So a Trigger Word response to this might be something like:

“Oh wow, London. Okay, listen…I don’t want you to be scared, but something is going to happen tomorrow morning that might come as a bit of a shock if you’re from London…There will be this big yellow-orange ball in the sky. It’s called The Sun. I don’t want you to freak out.”

Do you see how this will create a lot more social energy and dynamic tension than something boring like “Oh, that’s nice. I’m from [wherever]”? If not, email me, because we have work to do…

Now like I said…I’m only barely scratching the surface of how Trigger Words work. To say nothing of how important it is to practice with an expert, rapid-fire until you are quickly and instinctively coming up with good responses. But once you get over the hump, you’ll come across as the natural, funny, attractive man that women crave.

Click here to learn more about Super Conference, where Trigger Words are taught.

More on How to Make Every Conversation Interesting 


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