January 20, 2009


FHM Online takes a look at the Art of the Wingman

Wingman, Wingmen, How to wing, Take one for the team

A "wingman" or "wing" is no longer a term used strictly by fighter pilots and aviation junkies. Today's use of wingman can also be applied to a friend who is willing to fall on the proverbial grenade in order to help you score a beautiful girl. Whether you’re a natural with women or not, your wingman’s skills can be the difference between a successful and unsuccessful night on the town. In fact, a wingman today is your first mate in the meeting beautiful women.  He is not your competition, nor is he your crutch when you're game is too weak. No, a wingman is your number one fan, a teammate in the game of meeting women who don't roll solo. 


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Choosing Your Wingman

Since a wing is a reflection of your value and your social circle status, it's a good idea to find a wing who isn't the polar opposite of cool. In fact, you should always avoid the generic-looking accountant type who likes to wear khakis and discuss his 401k all day. It's simple logic; if you're out on the town with a celebrity or rockstar, you chances of attracting interest from the opposite sex are well above the average.  If like most guys you don’t know any A-list celebrities, make sure you go out with people who look and seem cool, that represent your social life in a way that women would want to be part of it. If your crew is perceived as being creepy or mundane, it won’t matter how different you think you are – even if she likes you, she might not want to leave her friends alone with Mr. Boring. In the end, the direct effect your wingman may have on your first impression can be a make or break moment.

If you're having trouble finding a good wing amongst your social circle, you can always go to www.theattractionforums.com and meet plenty of talented guys seeking wingmen and sharing their skills.



Now, let's discuss the specifics of winging, shall we?

1. Build-up Your Wingman's Value

Always respect and build up the value of your wing. This person should be your best friend, the coolest person you know, and the most hooked-up guy on the planet. Of course, I don't mean this in the literal sense, but in order to be a good wingman, your job is to create an aura around your wing that will attract women to him. Since winging is a reciprocal art form, a wingman should always repay any favors you bestow upon him throughout the night. For example, if you build him up when he's not around, he should always do the same for you. After all, one of the main purposes of a wingman is to increase your value without having to unnaturally and boastfully do it yourself.

Throughout the night, both you and your wing should continue to hype each other up. Since value is an important quality in building attraction, it is your wingman’s job to ensure that you are perceived as being a high-value person throughout the night. For example, if your friend’s a musician, you can always tell women that his band is on tour and he’s just stopping in for a drink. Sooner than later, your wing should reciprocate and convey how cool you are too.  Now don’t go out planning to be “musicians” if that’s not your deal - the key is to use what you have, present it in the right way, and back each other up.

A good way to accomplish this is to figure out what in your life can represent things many beautiful women like – status, wealth, exciting lifestyle, social networks, and so on – and let your wingman know how to present it.  If you’re an accountant, he’ll say you’re a “finance whiz – amazing with money”.  If he just got back from a trip somewhere, bring it up.  Even if the only people he knows are the door guys at the local nightclub, play it up – talk about he always seems to know everyone, jokingly call him the "VIP nightclub promoter with all the hookups" and so on.  Not only does this help him, but now you’re the guy who hangs out with the coolest person in town.

Remember, if your wing is following the rules, you should be repaid for your services in full!

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2. Give Priority to Your Friend

You know how when you’re talking to a beautiful woman and one of her friends show up? You’ll notice women never ignore their friend, even if they’re attracted to you and engaged in a conversation – they’ll almost always value their girlfriend over some guy they just met.  You should always do the same with your friends.  This quality demonstrates a level of respect and loyalty that most women and people in general, admire and find trustworthy.  It also relates back to you.  If you want her to think that you’re cool, you should have cool friends.  Guys who are consistently attractive to women don’t have friends who they are embarrassed about, and it is a big turn-off to women if you ignore your friends just to talk to them when they’ve only known you for a couple of minutes.  It reeks of desperation. 

The reverse is true as well.  If you are excited to see your friend and describe him in glowing terms, YOU will seem even more attractive to the women you’re talking to, because you know exciting, high-value people.

Giving priority to your friend also leads to better communication, an integral tool in winging. With that in mind, your wingman can be the ultimate tool in introducing a venue change. For example, you can say something like:


  • "I'm starving, let's go grab some sushi."


If your wingman is on top of his game, he'll always agree. Then one of you should turn to the women and say:


  • "Hey, you guys should tag along. We're going to my friends place; they've got some killer sake you need to try


You can also say:


  • “Hey, I’m going to take [your girl] to the bar for a second to grab a drink, you guys cool with that?”


When your wing immediately jumps in with:


  • “yeah it’s cool”


Now you’re alone with the woman you’re interested in while he talks to her friends.  If he’s not getting anywhere with the one he wants, you can give him a boost by telling "your" girl to make sure her friend is being nice.  Believe it or not, this usually leads to a positive outcome for your wing. For example you can say the following:


  • “I’d really love to stay and talk and I’m really curious about who you are, but your friend is being weird to my friend and I don’t want him to get bored.”


Generally, your girl will nudge her friend and tell her to be nice. After that, you can continue with a clear conscience.


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3. Make the Math Work

Although this is most obvious point in the ‘Art of Being a Wingman,’ I will nevertheless mention it as many guys fail to remember this when they approach groups of women. If you approach a group of three girls, try to make sure you have two good wingmen waiting on the sidelines. Since escalating in sync is crucial (read further to number 4), if you go back to their place and the numbers don’t fit, the friend without a guy is unlikely to sit in the living room and wait for you and your wing to hook-up with her friends.

In an extreme situation, consider an “instant wingman”.  Say you and your wingman are talking to three women, two of them are interested in you guys, but the other is bored and about to sabotage everything.  Wait until the next confident-looking guy walks by and then ask him a question – ideally, to “settle a disagreement” you are having with the third girl.  Keep it light and fun.  If he has social intuition, he’ll see the opportunity to join your group and talk to the girl.  Congratulations, you’ve scored yourself an instant wingman, the math now works, and you can go for your girl.

4. Escalate in Sync and Follow the Rules!

Women don't want their friends to think that they are "easy." So a woman may be very interested in you, but not want to hook-up where her friends will know about it.  And the girl talking to your wingman might have the same worries.  If you can’t take them to separate places, then make sure you and your wingman are on the same timeline.  When you start kissing your girl, he should do the same with his, so neither woman worries that their friend is watching and going to gossip to all of their friends the next day.  If you can separate two women but they can still hear each other, then make your hooking-up as loud as possible – this will tell the girl your wingman is talking to that it’s “OK” to get physical.  And when he and his girl are being loud in response, that confirms to “your” girl that she’s on safe ground.

Now that you know the basic art of being a wingman (read Chapter 21 in Magic Bullets for a more detailed discussion), you should always remember to follow some of the traditions of the art form.


The two cardinal rules of the Wingman.

1. Whoever is the first man to approach a group of girls choose the one he wants.  No poaching.  This rewards the guy who had enough balls to approach in the first place.

2. Sink or swim together.  Great wingman partnerships are based on both of you succeeding.  If your wingman isn’t feeling it with his girl, just take a phone number from yours and find new groups for the two of you to approach.  There are more than enough beautiful women to go around.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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