February 14, 2011


Three Deadly Common Mistakes Men Make While Approaching Women

Every guy wants to approach the girl, but how? Love Systems explains the most common mistakes made while approaching women - you may be surprised to find which ones you have made.

Let’s face facts…

Dealing with beautiful women can be an absolute minefield! They think and feel differently than we do, and it can be super difficult to understand what is going on in their heads. The most frustrating thing is when you’re talking to a hottie, and for some unknown reason she goes cold and blows you out…I mean, WTF! It used to piss me off to no end! Then I discovered a couple of key things that changed the way I approached and as a result sky-rocketed my game.

  1. They have 5 times as many receptors in their brain to analyze things like body language, so they’re super perceptive and sensitive when it comes to spotting and receiving signals that we give off.
  2. They have been approached hundreds of times more than us.
  3. We’re dealing with girls who have both nature and nurture to their advantage when it comes to social dynamics and seduction.

And boy, do they use these tools to fend off the advances of the “adorable dork.”  Exceptionally beautiful women have “blow outs” almost down to an art form. Watching my girls dismiss guys is like watching Maximus fight in the Coliseum in Gladiator. However, I can’t help but watch and feel sorry for guys. After all, the exact same thing used to happen to me just a few heartbeats ago when these girls that now share my bed wouldn’t have given me the time of day.

What Changed?

I got rid of the Girl Kryptonite I was carrying around my neck.

Before we dive into exactly what Girl Kryptonite is, let’s look at why guys often fall into the trap of being dull to women (and yes, this definitely applies to all of you guys coming to Love Systems asking how do I find a woman?).

Reason 1: Some guys are living a lifestyle and doing a job that doesn’t make them happy

A huge part of being an attractive man is leadership and strength. The first level of leadership is personal, where you take control of your life and your emotions.  You cannot hope to lead others if you cannot lead yourself, and you certainly won’t be able to inspire a hot girl to follow you if you exhibit signals that you are not the driving force in your life.  For guys in this position I say:

Determine what will make you happy and work relentlessly to create those life conditions.

Women are magnetically attracted to guys who have a passion and drive. Often times it doesn’t matter what (obviously not playing computer games), but you do get extra props if it’s something that will positively impact other people.

Reason 2: Other guys are great at what they do for a living, but they struggle when it comes to displaying it with passion and enthusiasm

The all-important question that you must ask yourself and then learn to communicate with women is “WHY?”

  • WHY have you chosen to do what you do?
  • WHY are you so passionate about X to the point where other things take a back seat?
The problem is most guys haven’t thought about the emotional reason why they chose their jobs. Let me show you the quickest way to kill her lady boner and make her dryer than the Sahara desert… Say something like: “I don’t know...I just fell into it.” Yuck! Passive, reactive Man, be gone! If you’ve never stopped to think about why you’re in your chosen line of work, do it NOW.

    Answer the following questions:

    • Why did you choose your job?
    • Where do you see yourself in 1, 5, 10, 20 year(s)?
    • What do you want to have changed on Earth due to you having been born?

    Deep…? Yep, attracting hot girls is no joke. The competition is too fierce to be wishy-washy and too unclear about what makes you masculine and attractive. You should ask that question about everything which takes up significant amount of time in your day. Hobbies, friends you hang out with, Television shows you watch. None of the big events in your life should be happening without your consent and careful consideration.  When I first answered these questions, my answers were super logical, and I found that they weren’t engaging or interesting to women. Then I discovered little tweaks that made my answers dynamite! I’ll show you how you can get hold of those techniques later, but for now let’s dive into Girl Kryptonite.  The toxic substance works on 2 levels:

    1. In your Body Language
      She will analyze your body language in a fraction of a second, and if she detects Kryptonite, she will avoid you like the plague. It’s essential that you get your Body Language under your conscious control and working in your favor. Most men have body language that signals weakness and low value, this shoots them in the foot before they even open their mouth.

    2. In your Conversational Content
      You may have decent body language, but if your conversational content is loaded with Girl Kryptonite, then she will find a way to escape with something like: “I’ve gotta use the bathroom, but I’ll be right back” (of course she never returns) OR “I’ve gotta go find my friends…” Or simply “Well it was nice meeting you…” - And you’re out!

    Girl Kryptonite #1 – Boredom

    Most of the attractive women that you’ll meet on a day-to-day basis aren’t leading kick-ass lives. Many have average or stressful jobs and have a sense of longing for excitement and adventure. Tattoo this onto your brain and you take the first step to guarding yourself against becoming Kryptonite number 1.

    The value that you bring to the table must be of excitement, adventure and fascination. You must enter her life like a storm and leave a lasting impression so powerful, even if you’re not together forever, she will always remember and appreciate you having made a pit stop.  That was my personal target when I got into game, it has served me well and given me amazing experiences with women I used to only dream about.  It wasn’t easy but the first step was resolving never to bring Boredom with me and to be a huge source of pleasure in a girl’s life.

    Boredom in Your Body Language

    If you have a stressful job, or life has thrown you a curve ball and you are going through some intense issues, you better believe women will detect it in your body language.  So shake it off before you go out to meet women.  Ask yourself: If you meet someone who seems more stressed out than you, are you drawn to the person or do want to avoid them? One of the first things I correct on my bootcamp is Body Language that gives off signals of stress and Boredom.  It’s a super turnoff. Girls don’t go out to pick-up new problems.

    Attractive men control their responses to life’s negative circumstances and don’t allow their stresses to bring them down.

    So if anything in your body language screams out “This guy is stressed out and boring”, then buddy, you are out before you even open. It happens in an instant! It’s called thin-slicing, which is rapid cognition. Imagine that you’re walking down the street and you see a homeless dude approaching. How long does it take you come up with a way to avoid him? Within a split second your brain will have assessed how likely he is to bring value or good emotions to you. It’s based on a collection of past experiences plus signals that he is giving off. More often than not, you’ll try to avoid the homeless dude. Women do the same thing when you’re approaching so you have to make sure you do certain things to ensure a great thin-slice while avoiding certain things so you don’t trigger her defense mechanisms.

    Boredom in Your Conversational Content

    Have you ever watched a group of girls together or listened to their conversations? I highly recommend it if you haven’t. Girls are stimulation junkies. You’ll discover when they’re in groups they are continually spiking each other’s emotions. I’m living with a lesbian girl from a reality television show called “The Real L Word”, and the most revealing times are when her friends come around. They’re crazy! The conversation is so emotionally charged, I get tired just listening. Engaging with them can be the equivalent of a gym workout! Although they’re lesbians they are first and foremost “women”... You’ll see the same behavior within groups of straight girls as well.

    Women thrive on emotionally engaging conversation and you must learn how to do that right from the start of the interaction.

    You must draw her in emotionally and stimulate her imagination immediately. This is super-duper important as the first 90 seconds give her clues as to the type of interaction she can expect with you over a longer period of time. If your conversation is boring in the first 90 seconds she will have made a judgment that speaking to you for a longer period will be mind-numbing and she’ll start plotting her escape from you. 

    Girl Kryptonite #2 – Awkwardness

    We have a visceral, bodily reaction to things which make us feel awkward or to awkward people in general. Women will go to great extents to avoid the feeling. They’ll even give out there number to avoid the awkwardness of saying “No” in the moment, and then they’ll just flake on you later. I remember going to a stand-up show in LA where the comedian - who shall remain nameless - absolutely bombed!  We as the audience could feel the tension and awkwardness in him and it made us feel awkward. People were shifting in their seats, coughing and whispering and definitely not laughing. If there were tomatoes in sight they would’ve ended up on his face! Being made to feel awkward often creates a form of resentment for whoever made us feel that way.

    Awkwardness in Body Language

    One of the clearest ways to tell if someone “Belongs” in a high status environment is to observe how physically comfortable they are. Do they scan the room? Do they fidget and shift their weight from foot to foot? Do they stand clutching their drink in front of their chest? As a young actor in the theatre I was introduced into “high status” social circles way before I felt ready. I was around distinguished industry people, and I was out of my depth. No one knew me. I hadn’t achieved anything of public merit, and it was an environment I wasn’t familiar with. Anyone watching me would’ve instantly been able to pick up on the fact I was an outsider. It was a similar experience when I first started going to high-end clubs. I had never hooked up with the type of girls in those venues - the super hot, social butterflies who intimidated most men. The awkwardness was visible in my Body Language, and it wasn’t until I learned to hide it that I started to date them.

    Do you help or hinder her social status? Remember…Girls don’t want men who appear lower social status than them. If you don’t feel like you fit in, it will show. Hot girls are social creatures who are deeply concerned with the way they are perceived and their ability to climb the social ladder.

    Awkwardness in Conversational Content

    Your conversation must flow and seem spontaneous even if you’re using routines. There are acting exercises to help internalize routines and make them natural. They are very practical and hard to write about but I’ll give you one that will help. When you’re learning a routine don’t try to memorize it. Digest the words in small sections and then say it out loud. Example:

    “My friend Rachel is crazy, she always sends me random little facts...Check this, did you know that 97% of women masturbate in the shower? And you know what the other 3% do…? Well you must be one of the masturbators then.”

    So here’s how I’d break it up and memorize it. Read and breathe each individual line in a few times then say it out loud:

    • “My friend Rachel is crazy”
    • “She always sends me random little facts…”
    • “Check this: did you know that”
    • “97% of women”
    • “Masturbate in the shower?”
    • “And do you know what the other 3% do…?”
    • “Well you must be one”
    • “Of the masturbators then…”

    The important thing is don’t try to memorize the lines, instead think about what all the words mean to you and then say them out loud. If they make you laugh or smile then go with it. Your conversational content should be playful, intriguing and emotionally stimulating. The first 90 seconds – 5mins should be dynamic and unpredictable. You want to avoid as much as possible the type of conversation that an average guy would make. Work on your delivery so is confident and relaxed.

    Girl Kryptonite #3 – Neediness

    Have you ever experienced someone being needy, like a friend who always needs to be the center of attention? Or a girlfriend who needs to talk on the phone all the time? Or maybe a salesperson that needs a sale so bad, they become pushy? Just remember no-one wants what they can have easily and... Women don’t appreciate what they don’t have to work for. Neediness is weak and repulsive and women sniff it out straight away.

    Neediness in Body Language

    How badly do you need this group to open? How badly do you need to talk to these girls? How long has it been since you’ve experienced the warm, passionate embrace of a woman? The answer isn’t important. What is important is giving off the sense it could’ve been 30 minutes ago. Imagine how at ease you would be after sex, how satisfied and calm you are... This is the level of non-neediness you must carry into your interactions. Your body language will convey neediness through things like leaning in, doing the “Chode Squat,” and turning your whole body to face the group while opening indirectly. Also in the way you physically escalate with a girl... Are you overly aggressive with your touch or are you wimpy with your touch because you need her to like you?

    Neediness in Conversational Content

    A neat little trick I like to use is to view an interaction as an emotional bank account. How much currency you have at the start of the interaction will vary depending upon things like your fashion and body language, and observable value like social proof and pre-selection. What happens with your currency after opening depends on your conversational content.

    Are you making emotional deposits or withdrawals in the interaction?

    Every time you make statements, tell stories, role-play etc. you are adding and making deposits. While every time you ask questions or ask her to comply with something you are making emotional withdrawals. If you only talking about things which you have no interest in, just to try to please her, you comes across as needy. Trying too hard to connect with her before she finds you attractive and before you know anything attractive about her is a surefire way to come across needy. After all, as a high value man with options, why the hell would you be overly eager to connect with this girl you don’t know from a hole-in-the-wall? Now I’m not saying you should never ask questions, you do need to find out things about her. However, asking questions in the early stages should be minimized. And...

    The information you do discover should be used to build attraction.

    Oh, and by the way, there are two very unique, very specific techniques I’ve found work wonders to make her instantly more attracted to you after you ask a question. They enable you to never run out of things to say while at the same time “trim-the-fat” so you’re not blabbering and saying things that kill her attraction for you. But right now, let’s take a little “breather” here, and recap everything we just discussed, because we’ve actually covered quite a lot, in a short period of time. We learned that:

    • Women have more receptors in their brain to pick up signals and they’ve had more experience in social settings
    • If you’re not the Leader in your own life first you’ll find it very difficult to get women to follow you. And leadership is very attractive.
    • Some men struggle to communicate their passion and the things that they find interesting.
    • Here are the questions for you to answer:

      • Why have you chosen what you do in life?
      • Where do you see yourself in 1, 5, 10, 20 year(s)?
      • What do you want to have changed on Earth due to you having been born?
    • Girl Kryptonite can be found in your Body Language and you Conversational Content so you must control both.
    • You must bring a sense of excitement, adventure and fascination into a woman’s life to stand out from the crowd instantly.
    • Shake off stress before going out to meet women or they will detect it in your Body Language
    • Your conversation must be emotionally engaging and stimulate her imagination if you want to get further than a 90 second conversation.
    • Women will go to great lengths to avoid awkwardness including giving out their number.
    • When using routines, digest them in small chunks and say them out load
    • Your Body Language conveys neediness when you lean in. If you ever squat down to talk to a girl that is seated or when you give your full focus to a group before they’ve earned it.
    • And we’ve discovered how to make emotional deposits and avoid emotional withdrawals from an interaction


    Girl Kryptonite should be avoided at all costs if your aim is to pick-up hot girls. The more desirable they are, the smaller margin for error that you’ll have. I’ve only touched the surface of how to avoid Girl Kryptonite. I delve deeply into it on the Instant Impact section of my “All Action Bootcamp.” Check out my blog www.vercettisblog.com and follow me on twitter @LS_Vercetti

    Health, happiness and hot girls!

    - Daniel Vercetti

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