Are you approaching women and starting conversations, but it doesn’t always “click”? This week’s dating tips will be in list form, since I’m writing this from the seventh circle of hell Los Angeles airport. So first we got 3 basic myths of attraction, and then we have 10 points from my personal Instant Attraction Checklist. These are some of the fastest ways to attract a girl and potentially build a relationship.
A lot of Love Systems attraction techniques are like “glitches in the matrix.” They are shortcuts to getting a woman attracted to you much faster and much more effectively than most women are used to. But if you only use one of these techniques and keep going back to that, it gets very obvious and very stale very quickly.
I was sitting in on a recent bootcamp where there was a student who fit this to a T. His thing was teasing and funny comebacks. He is really good at them. So you’d see him approach a group of 9s and 10s, and at first they like him and are touching him, but within a few minutes it got stale. Because that was (at the time) all he had, and every time he rolled that out, it was obvious he was chasing the same great reactions the women gave him at the beginning of the conversation.
Once we got him mixing in a few different kinds of attraction... a mix of intrigue-based attraction and state-based attraction, a mix of techniques like Cold Reads, Storytelling, Disqualification, Role Plays, and so on, he became “a cool guy” instead of “a guy with funny comebacks.”
So... vary it up. Don’t be a one-trick pony. There are a bunch of attraction techniques in Intro to Attraction; make sure you’re good with more than one or two of them.
Attraction is NOT logical. Women don’t mathematically calculate your pluses and minuses. It’s an involuntary emotional process. Like David D put it, “attraction is not a choice.” If you can do the types of things that make her feel attracted, she will be.
(Obviously some guys have some natural advantages. You should cultivate natural advantages whenever you can. But that does NOT mean you need these advantages to get the girl you want. (For more on this, read my article, “Are you in the SOUP?”)
The challenge is whether she ACTS on this attraction. Which brings us to...
So if you’ve ever met a woman who seemed really into you at the time, but blew you off the next day, don’t worry. This is normal and correctable. Solidify and lock in her attraction to you, so it sustains. The best ways to do this are with Qualification (get her to chase you) and Comfort (get to know each other better so she can reverse-engineer logical reasons to justify her emotional attraction to you). Do them in that order.
Never build Comfort before Attraction. If you’re in any doubt on this one, read the Love Systems Triad. This by the way is why a lot of “flakes” happen. She was interested in you at the time she gave you her phone number, but it was all fun and fleeting. If she didn’t have to invest in you and there’s nothing in particular she remembers about you other than you had a fun conversation, then it might not go anywhere.
These are some of the most powerful ways to attract a girl:
Touch (appropriately) early, touch often. If you’re just a “talking head” you’ve neutered your chances. Remember, attraction is emotional. Touching creates an emotional response. If you’re not confident with social touch, check out the Beyond Words Home Study Course or Volume 2 of The Routines Manual with lots of physical escalation routines, i.e. ‘excuses’ to start and escalate the touching. (As of today, you can actually try Vol. 2 of the Routines Manual for a month for just $9.99.)
Slow it down. Talk slower and deeper than normal. And like Cajun says in Beyond Words, move like you are under water.
Women take major cues off your shoes and your hair. Luckily, these are easy games to win. Shoes = clean and hair = fashionable, not boring.
Eyes-feet reflex. When you see someone interesting, walk toward her with a small smile. Right away. 98% of the time, you lose the opportunity or you creep her out by waiting.
Come in with an energy level at, or slightly higher than, hers. Anything else will be disconcerting to her.
It’s not a %#*()ing job interview. Asking her tons of questions contributes nothing to the conversation, makes her do all the work, tells her nothing about you, and reminds her of the last 500 losers who had nothing to say. Use statements and guesses wherever possible, and don’t ask two questions in a row.
Project your voice. Trained actor Vercetti has the last word on this, so I’ll defer to him here.
Have something to say. It’s like an old sports call-in show I used to listen to, where Jim Rome would tell his callers to “have a take, and don’t suck.” You approached her. You’re going to be responsible for 90% of the conversation for the first few minutes (and remember rule 6 if you think you’re going to get around this by asking questions).
Everything is ALWAYS going exactly as planned. Love Systems instructor Future had a great segment on this at the last Super Conference. Bouncer moving you? Some other guy won’t leave her alone? Bar closing early? Her friend being a cockblock? Act like you’ve seen it all before and it’s to be expected. Handle what needs to be handled, but don’t be flustered or thrown off.
Have fun. Emotions are contagious. If you treat it like a job or a visit to the dentist, the odds will be against you. Go places where you have fun. Go with people you have fun with. One of my old haunts had an old-school pinball machine. If I got knocked out of state, a quick beer and a game of pinball and I was right back there. Or I’d make sure to run the Secretary Opener the next time.
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