Every woman I meet knows within three minutes that I'm a serial entrepreneur. That means that I start and I sell companies. (Don't worry; I'm still in charge of Love Systems. This is a passion project for me, not what pays the bills).
Because this is an identity - an archetype that her brain can latch onto. She knows, or thinks she knows, what an entrepreneur is. She's seen entrepreneurs in movies and on TV. I don't know whether she'll think of The Social Network or Steve Jobs or Wolf of Wall Street, but I know she won't draw a blank.
This does two things. First, it implies a whole lot of attractive qualities about myself. An entrepreneur is a risk-taker, a leader, and someone who believes in himself. You can't just say "Hey lady, I'm a risk-taker, a leader, and someone who believes in himself." But you can communicate it through your identity. (There's nothing particularly special about being an entrepreneur; we'll cover other identities below).
Second, it gives her a way to categorize me. Now you might be thinking that you're a unique individual and you don't want to be stereotyped. Fine, but that goes against how the human brain works, especially when it comes to dating and attraction, and especially when it comes to women.
If she can't categorize you, she'll feel vaguely unsettled, like something about you doesn't fit. That, in itself, is a turnoff. But you won't stay uncategorized for long. She'll categorize you herself, because that's what the brain does. But instead of YOU choosing an (attractive) identity, you're letting her apply one to you more or less randomly. Instead of consciously choosing to be, say, "the entrepreneur guy" or "the surfer guy" or "the lawyer guy," you might end up being "the old guy" or "the player guy" or, worst of all, "the random guy."
Women never call back the random guy.
Identity doesn't have to be based on your job. (Career-based identity is often the default in many cultures, but it doesn't have to be.) Your identity can be based on your hobbies, lifestyle, or personality. You can be the fitness guy, the outdoorsy guy, the preppy guy, the cooking guy, the hippie guy, the possibilities are endless. You can even be the emo guy (but why would you want to?).
It's not enough to tell her what your identity is, you have to back it up. Not all of these elements will be important for every identity, but they should give you a starting point of ideas:
Don't try to take shortcuts here. There are a lot of places in Love Systems where you can cut corners without affecting your game, but core identity isn't one of them. Usually when I or another Love Systems instructor is working with a client, it takes a couple hours to get to know the person and choose the perfect identity, and then a variable amount of time for how to implement it for that person's life. Identity is an exceptionally powerful tool, but it's like a really fancy piece of clothing - you need to do it right for it to have an effect.
P.S. - Just before this goes 'to press' I wanted to add that your identity doesn't have to be something crazy or extraordinary. I've coached thousands of guys to be able to meet and attract beautiful women, but we've never had 'movie producer' or 'race car driver' as an identity. I'm yet to meet a man who doesn't have something in his life that can be turned into an attractive identity that is interesting, compelling, and true to his personality. You can do this! -NS
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