November 30, 2015


Why Some Men Fail and other Fairy Tales

There’s a story Winston Churchill used to tell that explained how he saw the world. Sir Winston wasn’t much of a dater, but what he said has everything to do with Love Systems:

Two frogs fell into a milk pail. They sank to the bottom, and the walls were too high to climb out. One frog kicked himself back up, swam to the top of the milk, gulped a few mouthfuls of air, then fell back to the bottom. Every time. The other frog saw the futility in this and gave up. He drowned. The first frog saw that giving up meant failure and knew that whatever he did – even if it failed spectacularly – would be no worse than not trying at all. So he kept kicking. He refused to drown. A few hours later all of his kicking had churned up a lump of butter that floated on top of the milk. The frog climbed onto this and jumped to safety.

True story? Probably not. But a good metaphor for Love Systems? Absolutely.

As soon as a man tells himself that you’re not going to get quality women, that opinion becomes FACT. He’ll sink to the bottom like the pessimistic frog.

This is because you can’t consciously control everything about the way you come across to other people. You can seem like a really amazing, together, alpha-male type of man, but eventually you’re going to say or do something that reveals your honest beliefs about yourself. It might not be anything dramatic. Usually it isn’t. Usually, it's just a subtle mismatch between a man’s communications (what he says and does) and his sub-communications (how he says and does it). But women are EXTREMELY sensitive to these ‘mismatches’.

For example, a woman would normally be attracted to a man who approaches her confidently, teases her a bit, tells funny stories, and seems to have a lot going for him.  But if he talks really quickly (something insecure people do, because they don’t expect people to listen to them for long), a woman is going to become less attracted.  She might not even know why she is losing interest, or might just have a general feeling that “something didn’t feel right”. But his chances with her are done.

Now, this man might be thinking “Okay, Nick, that’s fine. I’ll remember to speak slowly and take my time.” Good idea. But this time, the woman gets the “something doesn’t feel right” vibe when the man seems just a bit too interested, or glances at her quickly for approval after telling a joke, or fidgets with his drink, or doesn’t hold eye contact, or does one of the (literally) millions of things that humans do that reveal their self-image.

You can’t control them all. If you try to control them all, you will come across as scripted, tentative, and fake. Not only that, but women, especially beautiful women, will actively ‘test’ you. When she suddenly challenges you with “why don’t you have a girlfriend?,” or “why are you talking to us?” or “that shirt is really, really gay,” she’s not necessarily being a you-know-what. She’s trying to see if you can maintain your alpha male personality or whether you fold under the pressure.

So what the #*$% are we even doing here?

I know I’m going to get replies that will say something like: “Okay, I see some ‘inner game’ stuff on the Love Systems website, and that makes sense. But what’s the point of all of the techniques, ‘dating hacks’, and ‘glitches in the matrix’ if a woman is eventually going to figure out that I’m not the second coming of Casanova?”

The short answer is that you don’t need to be the second coming of Casanova to attract most women. Most women know that they aren’t perfect and aren’t looking for perfection in others. So it’s not an all-or-nothing thing. Even making small, incremental improvements in yourself will lead to the same improvements in your dating life. Make enough of these improvements, and you’ll feel like Casanova in no time.

The slightly longer answer is that inner game and outer game reinforce each other in either a vicious circle or a virtuous circle. Getting better results with women will naturally lead to better inner game (and repeatedly failing will hurt your inner game). Just like the man with great inner game will ‘naturally’ come up with the right things to say or do in most situations more than the man who has inner game challenges.

The even longer answer is that you need ‘inner game’ (psychology and beliefs) AND ‘outer game’ (tactics and techniques) to be successful with women anyway. Inner game by itself is definitely not enough. I’d say about half of Love Systems live training clients have great self-confidence and the right instincts and beliefs to be very successful with women. But they needed to be able to “speak woman” – to flirt and communicate with women in a way that women found compelling and attractive. Once they learn those skills at a Love Systems program, and put them into practice, they can pretty much attract and date any woman they want.

Tl;dr – work on both your ‘inner game’ and ‘outer game’. You need both to succeed.  If you let one fall behind it can sabotage the other, while nurturing one will help the other.

Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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