October 01, 2015


[In my best Jesse Pinkman voice]: "Yeah! Science!"

One of the women I'm hooking up with once told me that she's never seen the TV show Breaking Bad. Obviously that's insane - it's one of the best TV shows ever - so we've been fixing this problem.

Last night we got to the episode where the two main characters pull off a pretty amazing theft, based on their knowledge and use of technology. In celebration, one of the characters screams "Yeah! Science!"

That's kind of how I feel every time social scientists examine what goes into Love Systems - and if you understand the science behind why Love Systems works, you'll be able to get even better results!

Love Systems is based on evolutionary biology, female psychology, and real-world testing. All three of these are important. Evolutionary biology explains a lot of our instincts (why we prefer younger women with big breasts, or why personality matters more than looks for most women). Female psychology - deep-rooted programming, not minor variations in how different women see the world - explains the 'script' that women subconsciously expect dating and courtship to follow.

Ignore either of these at your peril.

Real-world testing is probably the most important element, because at Love Systems we don't publish research papers (though we help a lot of scientists publish theirs); we change lives. So whatever we do has to work in practice not just in theory, and it has to be something we can explain to clients and they can use successfully. In a few paragraphs, I'll explain why a lot of 'scientific' research fails here.

(By the way, those are the only three things that matter. There are lots of bad ideas out there that we ignore and fight against. For a while there was a trendy idea that there were only seven (!) personality types for women, and you could look at a woman, figure out which one she is, and then attract her. My mom used to keep cats when I was growing up. There are more than I used to volunteer in an animal shelter. There are more than seven personality types of dogs. Women are slightly more complex.)

So, when you put it all together and scientists look at Love Systems, what do they say? Let's look at the big Psychology Today review of Love Systems. They started, as they should, with the Love Systems Triad - the foundation for all of Love Systems.

According to this [Triad] model, dating follows a predictable progression in 1) the emotions each partner experiences, 2) their physical behaviors toward one another, and 3) the various locations they find themselves in along the way. Similar, progressive patterns of dating development have also been noted by social science field observation - particularly the work of Perper (1985) and Givens (2005).

Both Savoy's vast real-world observation and social science agree - love follows predictable patterns of development. Learn how the system works and you don't have to guess, worry, or hope for luck.

But beware - not all science is created equally. There are a lot of stupid studies out there. I read one once on a 'scientific' way to tell if a woman has recently had an orgasm. This was by a real university. Let's leave aside the fact that being a Recent Orgasm Detector is not all that helpful of a skill in life (I guess it would make for a good party trick); the real problem was that the entire sample size was twelve students at that college.

Twelve. Twelve more or less identical people (similar ages, similar culture, similar ethnicity, similar social background) to draw conclusions about 4 billion women.

So - just because it's "science" doesn't mean it's worth paying attention to. In my last book, It's Your Move, I devoted a whole chapter to why a lot of "dating science" is wrong even if it "sounds good".

(It's Your Move is a hardcover book in bookstores (also Kindle) published by Hachette. It's directed toward women but you can actually learn a lot about dating science and Love Systems from it. I don't make a penny off sales, but if you're interested it's only $9.99 on Amazon.

In general, the more you can learn about psychology and social dynamics, the easier Love Systems will be for you. Though you don't really have to go too far afield - part of the point of Love Systems is that we develop the information for you and all you have to do is use it.

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Bill Quaintance
Bill Quaintance


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