[Editor's Note: This story originally appeared on Dialled In. Read it here.]
Nick Savoy, is a Master Instructor with Love Systems and a professional dating coach. Since 2004, he’s helped over 10,000 men – mostly “average guys” – meet and attract beautiful women. Today we asked him an important question: before they come to Love Systems, what is the average guy doing wrong?
Most men make the same fundamental mistakes. Check out if any of these “game killers” are stopping you from getting the girl:
Being nice will never get a woman’s attention. If she’s hot, there are plenty of guys who will be nice to her. It’s like having arms, legs, or a driver’s license. It won’t set you apart.
Too many men are much “too nice” to women, especially when they’ve just met. That just tells her that you think that she’s out of your league (and who is she to disagree?).
To avoid this, show her that you can tease her and joke around with her. That you can treat her like a real person instead of putting her on a pedestal.
You can’t talk your way into a woman’s heart, or bed. Sure, your conversation is important, but what you say can’t be the only thing you’re using to attract her. It’s been proven that people like each other more (and remember each other better) if there’s physical contact.
I’m not saying to be sleazy or inappropriate. Start with touches to her elbow, hand, shoulder, etc., and escalate from there. It’ll be a lot easier to go for the kiss (or more) if it’s a natural progression from the “physical conversation” that you already having than if it’s big awkward move out of the blue.
It’s only in movies or on TV that the quiet, shy guy gets noticed by a beautiful woman. In the real world, women are attracted to men who show the courage and confidence to approach. When you see someone you’re interested in, starting walking to her right away. At Love Systems, we call this the “eyes-feet reflex” – when you see an attractive woman, move your feet.
If you don’t have a go-to opening line, check out the Love Systems Routines Manual for multiple examples and word-for-word scripts of what the top masters actually say and do when they are attracting women.
It’s natural when you meet someone new to want to ask a lot of questions. But for an attractive women, men are approaching her all the time asking her where she’s from, what she does for a living, what she does for fun, and so on. It’s boring and repetitive and tells her nothing about the man who is asking. My ex-girlfriend described this as “being at a job interview for a job I don’t even want.”
Instead, tell her a bit about yourself and she’ll follow suit. Focus at first on having fun and enjoying yourself, and let the biographical details come out naturally. And as a general rule, try not to ask two questions in a row – you’ll be amazed at how much it improves your conversation and flirtation skills when you force every second thing you say to be a statement.
Too many men treat approaching a beautiful woman the same way that they might disarm a bomb. Even the most hard-driving CEO wants to relax and have fun when she’s out being social. Attraction is an emotional process, not a logical one. So forget about finding out what’s on her “checklist” or what she thinks she’s looking for. Show her a fun, exciting time, take her on an emotional journey, tell her about yourself without bragging or coming across as too serious, and you might find that she discovers that what she really want is…you.
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