September 02, 2014


Coffee Shops: Nightclubs of the Daytime? - Men's Fitness

Read the original Men's Fitness article here.

I've been a dating coach for men for the past ten years. In that time, I've seen that most guys are not meeting the kind of women they like through friends and family. Some do, but these days more men are focusing on Facebook, Tinder, or more traditional avenues like bars and clubs.

But there is a way of meeting and attracting women that is missing from the above list, and it is one of the best. A friend of mine calls coffee shops "nightclubs of the daytime." Follow these four Love Systems rules for what to do once you have an iced coffee in hand.

1) Make it easy for women to start a conversation with you

Most women wait for a man to approach them. But some will start the conversation with you if they're attracted and if you make it easy for them. You've probably met hundreds of women in your life who would have loved to meet you - if only you'd given them an easy way to do it.

What do I mean by easy? Have something with you that she can ask about without feeling awkward. Something unusual that anyone might ask about, e.g., a travel guide to Tibet or a book on handwriting analysis. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as she can plausibly start a conversation with you by asking about it. Don't miss these opportunities in the future.

2) Direct and Indirect: Know the difference

A Love Systems direct opener is one where you make your intentions known from the get-go. You might say something like, "I saw you from over there and you seem like you have a great energy, so I was curious. My name is Nick." Play to lead 90% of the initial conversation because this will come out of the blue for her, and even if she is attracted she might not know what to say right away.

In a coffee shop, you'd use a direct opener if she's standing, because she could leave any second after she gets her drink and you don't have much time. You'll also use a direct opener if she's sitting far away from where you're sitting, where it's not plausible that you just happened to be wanting an opinion on something and she happened to be right there. In contrast, you can use an indirect opener if she is sitting near you, sharing a table, or in a long line (where you'll have time). For a short line, I'd still go direct.

3) Bring an activity

The guy who sits at a coffee shop all day drinking coffee and approaching women is weird and creepy. The guy who is on his laptop or reading a book who occasionally talks to people around him is a normal person at a coffee shop. Your props will also give you the opportunities to start conversations. For example, you ask the woman at the next table to watch your laptop or save your seat while you go to the bathroom or to get another drink. This technique works especially well if there's something interesting among your stuff (see rule #1) that she can ask you about when you get back. Otherwise, when you get back thank her for watching your stuff and introduce yourself. It can be that easy.

4) Not all coffee shops are created equally

Men will talk for hours about what bars have the hottest women, where is it easy to have conversations versus where is the music too loud, and so on, but few guys realize that this is just as important with coffee shops. If you like college girls, you’re not going to find them at coffee shops in a city's business district. If you like professional, working women, trendy coffee shops in the artsy area of town won’t be your thing. Time of day matters, too. At 8:30 a.m. downtown, you're going to have a lot of women grabbing coffee on their way to work. Move fast, because you only have a minute. At 8:30 p.m. near a college, you'll have women working on projects and studying - you'll have more time, but you're interrupting. And so on.

The best coffee shops are ones with the big open tables and electrical outlets scattered around. This means that people often have to share tables, especially to get access to an electrical outlet (if you don't want to bring your laptop, pretend you need to charge your phone). A coffee shop that's near other fun things to do is even better, so after you talk to her for awhile you can suggest checking out something interesting that's in the area.

Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.