February 16, 2015

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The Real Secrets of Online Dating

To make a long story short, Derek Cajun spent a full year testing and tweaking the Love Systems approach online. If anything, the Love Systems methodology worked even better online than in-person. On the other hand, there are a few adjustments you need to make to meet women online. Derek Cajun collected all of these experiences into his ultimate “how-to” guide for meeting women online, called The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating.

Here are a couple of lessons from the book:

  • Insight #1: The photos you use online matter a lot – but not how you think.

    Most people think of pictures they look good in, or don’t look good in. That’s important of course – you want to show yourself in (literally) the best possible light – but that’s only part of what’s going on. Just as importantly, your pictures should tell a story about you.

    Few women are going to read a 3000 word dating profile (and you will seem desperate, try-hard, and lacking social intelligence if you write that much), but most women will happily look at a dozen or so pictures. Don’t just tell her about your good qualities; show her. If you’re an outdoorsy guy, include a picture of you on a hiking trail. If you’re a sharp-dressed lawyer, include a picture that represents you as such.

    Don’t include any bathroom selfies – they imply that you don’t have friends. In fact, make sure that some of your pictures are with friends, ideally cool-looking friends. Don’t have a million pictures of yourself with different women – that will just come off as insecure – but show that you have a social life that she might like to be part of.

  • Insight #2: Act like you don’t care

    It’s an unfortunate truism that the person who cares the least is the one who has all the power. (Remember the last time you were really into a girl who was unsure about you, or vice versa)

    This applies on a macro level to the dating sites themselves. Most attractive women don’t want a guy who seems to be taking online dating way too seriously. Amuse yourself. Goof around a bit. Give the impression that you came onto the site for the heck of it and because “why not?” That said, don’t come across as judgmental or like there’s something wrong with being on a dating site.
    (Yes, this can absolutely be a double standard – she could have a very detailed and nicely-formatted profile and still be turned off that you’re ‘trying too hard’. Double standards exist in dating and some will benefit you as a man and some will hurt you.)

    At bars and clubs, we’ll often say something to a woman like “wow, I just came out tonight with my buddies for a couple drinks and to catch up; I didn’t think I’d meet someone this cool at a bar.” If you’ve adopted the right attitude, as per the above, then you can do something similar on a dating site, e.g.: “I came online to mess around and have fun, but you actually seem pretty cool. Let’s go for a drink and see if we have chemistry in person.”

  • Insight #3 – Get offline

    The goal here is to get the girl, not to be the world’s best online dating guru (and I’m pretty sure Derek Cajun is going to have you beat there, anyway). Get off the dating site as soon as you can. The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating has some great transcripts and sample lines to get her from the dating site to Facebook or to texting or to meeting up.

    This is particularly important with especially attractive women, since they are bombarded with millions of men on dating sites and don’t tend to stay on them for very long. If you have her attention, take advantage of it right away and escalate.

Obviously, this is only scratching the surface. Check out more online dating tips, techniques, and free videos on the Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating home page.


Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy

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