February 03, 2015

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Keeping her engaged and building attraction

These are the things you need to do to make sure she stays ENGAGED and BUILD ATTRACTION:

  1. Slow it down

    Speaking a million words a minute tells her you're nervous. Or that you're not the kind of guy people normally pay attention to, so you have to get your thoughts out quickly.

    Speaking slowly lets her hang on your every word and shows that you are a relaxed and confident man.

    Do the same thing with how you move. As one of our Love Systems instructors, Derek Cajun, put it, "move like you're under water".

    Moving slower, with deliberate, strong body language creates a much more attractive and confident.

    Make and hold eye contact - about 90% of the time when you are talking and about 60% of the time when she's talking. I've had clients hook up with women who had rejected them earlier in the night just by making this one change.

  2. Statements, Not Questions

    Make statements not questions. Don't be the "Question Guy" - one of the top 5 mistakes men make with women that I mentioned in the first newsletter.

    Instead, tell her (or better, show her) something interesting about yourself first. For example, rather than asking her where she's from, tell her where you're from and she may respond in kind.

    Questions contribute nothing to a conversation and tell her nothing about you. Ask too many questions and you'll make her feel like she's applying for a job (that she didn't apply for).

    A simple rule of thumb: Never ask two questions in a row.

    Remember, until she has a reason to actually be interested in you, then you're just another random guy asking the same questions every other random guy asks her.

  3. Be Playful, Not Serious

    Being fun and playful works much better than being serious and deep. Even serious women go out because they want to relax and have fun.

    There's a time and a place for being serious and deep, but it's not within 15 minutes of meeting her. Smile, laugh, have fun and don't take anything too seriously.

  4. Touch Early, Touch Often

    Something I also briefly discussed in the first newsletter (another one of the top 5 most common mistakes guys make with women). You can't talk a woman into bed or into a relationship.

    So if you're wondering how you get a girl interested in you when nothing you say seems to be working, the problem might be with your hands more than with your mouth.

    Touch her as soon as you meet her (in socially accepted places such as the upper arm or shoulders) and slowly escalate the duration and intensity of each touch.

    Give her time to get comfortable with your touch - if she's not comfortable holding your hand, she's definitely not going to be comfortable being sexual with you.

    Managing the "physical conversation" is an essential part of attraction, and you should do it smoothly, starting from social touching and eventually escalating to romantic and sexual touching.

  5. Be a Challenge

    Men who are experienced in how to get women know that you can't make it too easy for her. If she knows that she can have you before she's done anything to deserve your attention other than being pretty, then she might be flattered, but she won't be attracted.

    Even if you approach her with a compliment, which is something that is often done in day game, let this mean that she has your curiosity, not your undying love. Don't give her compliments she hasn't earned.

On the OTHER HAND, you MUST avoid the following at all cost:

  1. Boredom

    Most of the attractive women that you'll meet on a day-to-day basis aren't leading kick-ass lives. Many have average or stressful jobs and have a longing for excitement and adventure.

    The value that you bring to the table must be of excitement, adventure and fascination. You must enter her life like a storm and leave a lasting impression so powerful that, even if you're not together forever, she will always remember and appreciate you having made a pit stop in her life.

    Women thrive on emotionally engaging conversations and you must learn how to do that right from the start of the interaction. You must draw her in emotionally and stimulate her imagination immediately. This is extremely important because the first 90 seconds give her clues or an "impression" as to the type of interaction she can expect with you over a longer period of time.

  2. Awkwardness

    Most people have a visceral, negative reaction to things that make them feel awkward. Women will go to great extents to avoid feeling awkward. This is because being made to feel awkward often creates a form of resentment for whoever made us feel that way.

    Now let's talk about how to avoid it...

    One thing many guys do when they approach women is to try to use a pickup routine that they memorized beforehand. When they go to deliver the routine, it often comes out stiff or unnatural. If you want to be more attractive to women your conversation must flow and seem spontaneous.

    Here's some simple advice when you're learning a routine - don't try to memorize it. Instead think about what all the words mean to you and then say them out loud. If they make you laugh or smile, then go with it.

  3. Neediness

    Have you ever experienced someone being needy, like a girlfriend who needs to talk on the phone all the time? Or maybe a salesperson that needs a sale so bad, they become pushy? Neediness is weak and repulsive and women sniff it out right away.

    Imagine how at ease you would be after just having sex, how satisfied and calm you would be...this is the level of non-neediness you must carry into your interactions when approaching women.

    Your body language will convey neediness through things like leaning in or squatting to talk to a girl. Also, in the way you get physical with her...are you aggressive with your touch, or are you wimpy with your touch because you need her to like you?

    A neat little trick I like to use is to view an interaction as an emotional bank account. How much currency you have at the start of the interaction will vary depending upon things like your fashion and body language. What happens with your currency after the initial interaction depends on your conversational content.

    Are you making emotional deposits or withdrawals in the interaction? Every time you make statements, tell stories, you are adding and making deposits. Every time you ask questions or ask her to comply with something, you are making emotional withdrawals.

    If you are only talking about things which you have no interest in, just to try to please her, you come across as "needy." Trying too hard to connect with her before she finds you attractive and before you know anything attractive about her is a surefire way to come across needy.

So there you have it.

I guarantee you that if you push yourself out of your comfort zone and try these proven techniques and methods, you will gain a huge advantage over the competition.

Your personal dating coach,
Nick Savoy.


Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy

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