January 22, 2015


90% of men make this mistake with women

I just heard a guy totally blow his chances with a very attractive woman. She was really into him, but he made such a big mistake - the kind of mistake that we'd clear up in the first hour of a Love Systems bootcamp, it's that fundamental. But yet, most guys still make this mistake, over and over.

It's a failure to be a man. To lead the interaction. To take charge. 

This guy last night kept pussyfooting around with everything. "I don't know if you're busy this weekend, but maybe if you're interested we can hang out" was just one of the lines I remember. There was also something about "What do you feel like doing next? Are you tired? What are you in the mood for?"

It was all I could do not to turn around to his table and slap some sense into him. (Well, that, and I was on a date myself. I can get away with a lot on a date, but wandering over to the next table during dinner to give some random guy dating advice would be...weird).

Look, I'm not going to all caveman on you. Being a man isn't about being violent or dangerous, scaring women, or making them feel uncomfortable. It's the opposite - make her feel comfortable, because you've got things handled.

  • DON'T say something like "would you like to go out to dinner sometime?" Instead, go with "let's do dinner sometime." That's much more powerful and confident. (Although dinner is a terrible first date anyway, but we'll save that for another conversation
  • DON'T say "what do you want to do now?" when you're out with a woman. Have a default option. If she doesn't like it, she'll tell you. And be enthusiastic - if you're not excited about your plan, why should she be? Something like "after this drink I'm going to take you to this hole in the wall around the corner, it's so fun, they have the best music and the bartender is aging hippie guy with great stories, I can't wait to introduce you" is going to be much better than "I'm happy doing anything; what do you feel like?"
  • More fundamentally, when you first meet a woman, have fun and amuse yourself, as opposed to worrying about how she sees you. I know that that's easier said than done, and this can be an inner game issue for a lot of guys, but it's really important. She'll know if you're studying her face for her reactions to you, and that's unattractive to a lot of women. Confident alpha males amuse themselves and know that women will be interested. Fake that attitude until you make it.

If you're already being the alpha male in your day to day life and your interactions with women, great. You already know how much of a benefit it is.

If you're not being the alpha male, there are usually two causes. One or both might be affecting you.

One cause is that deep down, something within your psychology of inner game doesn't feel like you are worthy. If you have any hint of this in your psychology (and many men do - most Love Systems instructors, including myself, started this way), then you need to address this head-on.

The other is that your "outer game" is not expressing the confidence and masculinity that you have inside. The solution here is really just a bunch of quick fixes. A little while ago, we recorded a bunch of them for you on a 1-hour audio product called How to be the Alpha Male. Click the link - you can listen to the first ten minutes for free before deciding if you want it.

I hope this helps. Sorry this is a bit different of an article from usual, but it drives me nuts when I see men shooting themselves in the foot. That poor guy last night...and the girl he was out with was very high-quality too....when they got into separate cars and she only kissed him on the cheek, he looked like someone shot his puppy. I don't want that to happen to you!

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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