“Attraction switches” are a powerful concept from the first edition of the Magic Bullets Handbook. There are eight of them, and they give you the best chance to attract a woman, if you know nothing about her.
People often misunderstand this. They think the attraction switches are the keys to get any girl. They’re not. I mean, if you only focus on the attraction switches, you’re going to get a lot of attractive women interested in you, but that’s not really the point. The point is that the attraction switches are what you should focus on before you get to know her a bit and what particularly attracts HER.
For example, one of the attraction switches is humor. Most hot women like a guy who can make them laugh. So does my best friend’s girlfriend, Sarah. But what she really likes is a well-traveled, cultured, and intellectual guy who is maybe a bit quirky. Once my friend figured THAT out, he demonstrated those qualities to her instead of sticking with the attraction switches. But no one should go up to a stranger and try to focus on these characteristics, because a lot of beautiful women wouldn’t respond.
I’m going to march through the eight attraction switches here, and give a short paragraph on each along with links where you can learn more:
For every woman who says looks don’t matter, they do. Looks don’t matter as much for most women as for most men, but they matter. Make the most of your looks. Any guy can become plausibly good-looking enough to be with beautiful women with a trip to the mall and a fashionable haircut. Being good-looking as a man is much more about fashion and grooming than what you look like with your shirt off. Read the fashion chapter in Magic Bullets or download this audio guide (first 10 mins free). Also check out this fashion article I wrote a few year ago.
The health component is simple, and comes from our instinctive biological responses (we don’t want to be around unhealthy people, for good reasons). Don’t talk about being sick. Don’t talk about being sick before. Exotic sports injuries are fine, showing her you have an active lifestyle is usually good, and most of the ‘health’ part of the looks and health attraction switch is common sense.
Most dating coaches try to gloss over this part, but it’s really hard to be amazing with women 1-1 and socially awkward around everyone else. But that’s what a lot of socially awkward guys do – they assume the problem is with their interactions with beautiful women as opposed to a personality trait that they should (and easily can) fix.
Social intelligence means not being awkward, being able to get things done in the world (like talk your way into a sold out show, or get a great table at a restaurant), and making her feel comfortable with your leadership. For more on social intelligence, check out this interview – I did that one myself!
It’s not a newsflash that women like men with a sense of humor. (Why this is the case is pretty interesting and I go into detail on this in the Magic Bullets Handbook). So I’ll focus instead on one major pitfall – a lot of men try to use the same type of humor over and over. Like everything is self-deprecating, or everything is sarcastic, or everything is misinterpretation. That gets old, quickly. Vary your humor.
Love Systems is fortunate to have some professional stand up comedians among our past and present instructor crew. Learn from their insights and how to improve your sense of humor on this interview or this interview or this article.
Most women instinctively want to be with the King instead of the peasant. This is why women love celebrities, or anyone on a stage or anyone who has been on television. It all comes down to social status. If you don’t have high status in the world at large, fix this problem and/or make the job easier for yourself by building relative social status. You may not be king of the world, but you can a legend at your local bar where everyone knows you. Any women who come in will see you as high-status.
The ultimate solution to social status is Mr M and Braddock’s video course, Social Circle Mastery
Yup, here it is. Money is not completely irrelevant to attracting women. But the attraction switch is not based on a bank balance, it’s based on how your wealth (or lack thereof) makes her feel. For most women, having wealth is about your shit together. Can you pay to take her out on a date without moaning? Do you have a nice car and place to live? Etc. For many women, wealth is connected to ambition. It’s totally fine to be a law student with big loans and not a lot of income, because she will still consider you to be wealthy. And for most women, wealth can be connected to excitement, and the social status and social intuition attraction switches. Wealthy men (and their dates) have access to things others don’t.
For more on money and dating, check out this article in the LoveSystems.com dating advice archive.
Confidence – as well as the last two attraction switches we’re about to get to – is a little bit different. There’s nothing inherently attractive about confidence. Women like confident men because confident men often have other things she wants (personality, success, the other attraction switches, etc.). Just like you might not find something inherently sexy about a woman’s 34DD bra, but if you knew that was a woman had in closet, you might be interested because of what else it implies about her.
Generally, men who are attractive, healthy, have good social intelligence and a good sense of humor, and have attributes of status and/or wealth are also confident. It’s easy to see men who are confident vs. men who are not (though Love Systems resources can help you “fake it til you make it”)
A lot of confidence – both projecting confidence and getting yourself to feel confident – comes from body language. The ultimate resource here is the Beyond Words Body Language Home Study Course.
Just like confidence, if a man is really “all that” and makes a woman feel attracted, then presumably other women have been and are interested in him too. If other women don’t seem to be interested in him, then that raises a red flag. Most women at least subconsciously look at other women’s signals, and few women aspire to be the Warren Buffet of dating, finding value in places where other people overlook.
Pre-selection is a very rich Love Systems topic, with a ton of resources. Some of the best are this interview and this article. Pre-selection also fits in with jealousy, which can be a big attraction booster.
Congruence is the final “outcome” attraction switch. If you’ve ever heard a woman say she was interested in a guy but that something didn’t feel right, often this is because of lack of congruence.
Congruence basically means that everything “adds up”. For example, let’s say a woman gives you her phone number, because she thinks you’ve got all of these attraction switches and good qualities. And then you walk over to your friends and high-five them like you just won the lottery. That’s incongruent. The type of man who has all of these qualities doesn’t high-five when he gets a woman’s number.
Or, you say you’re doctor and you have all these cool stories, but you drive a beat-up car. (You can come off as incongruent without lying…you might genuinely be a doctor and drive a beat up car, and she will still lose more attraction than if you were, say, a student and drove a beat up car).
To go into more detail on the eight attraction switches, go to the source – Magic Bullets.