The advice in this article forms part of the Love Systems Inner Game Seminar. It is an important part of getting better with women and in your social interactions in general.
There is a lot of negative publicity about using routines in social interactions. Most instructors don’t do it anymore, relying on strong social skills that have been developed over the years, but I wanted to write this article to clarify a few misconceptions. The truth is that if you go out numerous times a week for months, you will find that you have similar conversations. These often aren’t routines – they are just the way conversations go when you meet people in the same context over and over again. Also, the truth is that no one line is going to instantly makes her go crazy for you, so you can forget about the myth of the “magical routine” that is going to get her to like you.
The key to keeping conversations fresh, even when you are talking about topics and things that you have talked about before is to actual find them fun and interesting. The rule is therefore:
If you genuinely find what you are saying interesting / funny / intriguing, then you will own it. It will NOT be a routine, it will be something YOU say because you find it funny / interesting yourself. Your sub communications / thin slice will communicate this and it will have a much higher chance of being perceived well.
So, if you use a “routine” from the point of view that you are TRYING to get a response from someone (whether that be to open or attract or building comfort etc), the chances are that you will have far less impact. The more that you TRY TO GET A RESPONSE from someone else, the more that the fact that you are TRYING distorts the message.
The IMPORTANT realization is that routines or anything you say that you have said before should be said because you are genuinely interested in it or find it genuinely funny. I can't emphasize this enough.
In an interview with Tucker Max (a true 'natural' who also wrote the hugely amusing book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and has one of the most famous blogs in the world) that I recently heard, he said a few things which really struck a chord with me.
He said (1) he uses other lines that he hears other people say to girls all the time and (2) when he talks to girls, the most important thing is that he entertains himself.
These two are not mutually exclusive.
If you know lines that you like, use them, but when you do use them, remember to do it for your own amusement or interest, not simply to get a desired response. You should be enjoying yourself and the interactions, and having fun first. Not to mention, if you follow this rule, you will enjoy every interaction and the girls should enjoy it more too, as you’re bringing the fun.
A girl recently told me that I wasn't funny when I was talking to her. It didn’t matter though. It felt though there was still an audience in my head enjoying the jokes I made. Can you see the mindset? The important thing is that the interaction was interesting/funny to me. This isn’t the case in all social interactions but in light, casual bar and night club interactions, you should be focusing on having a good time yourself.
This ISN'T GAME guys, this is A WAY OF BEING
Let's say you go to talk to a girl. It doesn't hook? It doesn't matter. What you said is still interesting/amusing to you.
Let's even say she is rude to you and says you are ugly and not funny. That is simply the opinion of ONE girl in the sea of people out there. That being the case, it is quite honestly... irrelevant. And even more honestly, you thought that it was genuinely funny and/or, at the least, interesting.
You go and talk to the next girl. Voila! You get into a conversation.
Somewhere along the line, you make a joke that you find hilarious! But she doesn't laugh.
You look at her. She looks at you.
You smile because you found it funny. That audience in your head is laughing. You begin to smile and chuckle a little bit. A genuine chuckle.
The chances are better, in this case, that she chuckles or at least smiles with you. But in any case, no matter what happens, you are having fun, and it is at this point that you have reached The Natural's Way Of Being.