October 21, 2014


5 Myths of Being a (so-called) “Pick Up Artist”

These myths will hurt your game. Get them out of your head to attract more women - and better women.

But before I dive in, I should clarify - pick up artist is a media term. At Love Systems, we're dating coaches. Sure, we all have to be great with women. And we all have to be able charm a beautiful woman home for a night of fun (and coach you until you can do the same). However, Love Systems goes far beyond meeting and attracting women for sex - into dating, into relationships, and into making the most of yourself in every aspect of life.

Onto our myths:

1. When you approach a woman you are bothering her

You might be bothering her, but there's no reason to assume that. Especially since it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you give off the impression that you think you're probably bothering her, she won't disagree with you. And, just like that, you're done. (That's one reason why you never want to say "Excuse me" when you approach at a bar, or apologize in advance for "bothering" her).

Especially at a bar, club, or party - it's normal to meet people. It's weird to act like someone is bothering you. Just because some women get a power trip out of shooting guys down doesn't mean that most women are like this (or that the women who like shooting guys down can't be converted to attraction with good game).

In Day Game, it's a bit different. Most people do have something they need to be doing during the day. But Love Systems Day Game is pretty short - it's all about getting her phone number and meeting up later.

Would someone like Daniel Vercetti or hesitate to approach a woman? Never. They know that they've developed the skills where most women, regardless of what they are doing, will welcome their advance. There's nothing special about these guys other than their training - they were once Love Systems clients and newsletter readers themselves. They're not different from you.

2. To get a hot girl, you have to be a hot guy

Looks do matter. You'd be insane to believe that they don't. But looks are neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition to attract women.

In other words - you don't need looks to attract women. And being good-looking by itself is not usually enough. Otherwise, you'd never see good-looking guys at our bootcamps or Day Game Workshops, and actually there are a lot of them.

Of course, you should make the most of your looks, just like you should make the most of all aspects of who you are. But here's a little secret: being good looking for a man has much more to do with fashion and grooming than what you look like with your shirt off. Go with an instructor to get a new haircut and a shopping trip to the mall, and you'll be a good-looking guy too!

If you're not naturally attractive, be grateful that you're a man - it's much easier to improve your looks than it is for women, and they matter much less. It also gives you the chance to go under the radar a bit more.

So, no more excuses!

#3 - "Good Girls" don't go for guys they just met/guys using Love Systems/etc.

This is big myth in itself, but there's an even deeper myth underlying it: the myth of the "good girl". Sure, some women are more promiscuous than others, some women are more inclined to be unfaithful than others, and so on. But if your mental map of the world includes categorizing women are "good girls" or "bad girls" you're going to miss out.

And I don't say this from some extreme feminist perspective. I'm not even talking about society at all. I'm talking about you. Most women, even the women you see as "good" or "bad" girls, are multifaceted. Put a nice long-term boyfriend candidate in front of her, and she'll talk for a bit until he asks her for dinner. Put a guy who knows how to convey sexuality in a way that she finds compelling and how to escalate sexually, and she'll flirt for a bit until you take her home. Same woman - different approaches.

I've seen far too many guys fail to take the obvious next step because they thought they were dealing with a "good girl" - and ended up disappointing her and never seeing her again. In addition, being judgmental about women (even through your subcommunications) will turn most women off, and at the very least will tell her that you don't have much experience with women.

#4 - Love Systems is manipulative

By a dictionary definition, I suppose that Love Systems is manipulative. You're trying to get someone else to feel attraction to you and to act on that attraction. It's manipulative in the same way that a nice car, nice eyes, or a push-up bra could be manipulative. It helps you make the most of who you are.

And that's a really important point and why this one is myth #4. Love Systems isn't about being someone who you're not. Sure, you can dive into the Routines Manual, flip to a random page, and have a word-for-word script that a top master uses. And you'll get women this way. But you won't make the most of yourself.

Instead - by all means use the structure that others have invented, to make things easier for you. And by all means check out how top guys actually use the structure when they're in the field. But on a bootcamp or a day game workshop, your instructor will be helping you make the most of what you have, instead of trying to be someone else. In the medium term, you'll be far more successful.

Don't "be yourself". Don't be someone else. Be your best self. Develop your best self. Improve your best self.

#5 - You're either born with it, or you're not

I started this article writing about 5 myths, but the beginning of my explanation of each of them begins with "well, it's a LITTLE bit true…" This last myth is no exception. Some men will be genetically predisposed to be more successful with women than others. More importantly, some men will learn and develop these skills "naturally" - from being in the right situations growing up, observing and modeling older friends' and relatives' successful behavior, and so on.

But the truth is that everyone can learn to be successful with women. We've had clients as old as 74. A 67 year old lost his virginity (really) on a program with us. Every single Love Systems' instructor was once a former client. I used to be a complete loser with women.

The important thing to be "born with" is not inherent skill with women, but the ability and desire to learn. Not to settle for what's just OK, but to make the most of your life.

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