"The brunette in the green dress. She's attracted to you."
"WTF? How do you know?"
"I'll explain after. Just go!"
No, this isn't a scene from a romantic comedy. It's a conversation I had with a client on the first night of his bootcamp. He couldn't believe that random hot women at the bar could be interested in him. He told me later that he was still doubting himself when he took her back to his hotel. But the next morning, he had a smile on his face.
There are lots of tricks you can use to tell when a woman is interested in you. We'll cover five of them in this article (but it's a much bigger topic than that and needs some practice to get it right - we normally spend a couple hours on this on the second day of our bootcamps or day game workshops).
This one is a classic from Volume 2 of the Love Systems Routines Manual. Talk to her for a few minutes and then put out your hands, palms up, and ask her to give you her hands.
If she declines, she's not interested in you yet.* If she puts her hands in yours, continue to the next step.
Did she put her hands in yours palms up? She's almost definitely interested. As a member of The Attraction Forums wrote, palms up is "an unconsciously submissive gesture."
Either way, try squeezing her hands. Does she squeeze back? Interested. Slowly lower your hands. Do her hands follow yours? Also interested.
* I say "not interested YET" on purpose. I see too many guys give up if they don't get attraction right away. Sometimes it takes a few minutes.
Move her. If you're at a café, ask her to keep you company when you get up to order another coffee. If you're at a bar, tell her the music is too loud and lead her outside to the patio.
A few things will happen when you try to make a "logistical move" like this. (For more on logistics, read more about the Love Systems Triad Model).
If she won't go with you, and doesn't have a good excuse (e.g., I'm holding this table for my friends), then she's not interested yet.
If she does come with you, take her hand - especially if you are somewhere crowded like a bar. Watch for two things:
No matter how attractive you are, it will be rare for beautiful women to approach you and tell you how much they want you. For many women, the furthest they will go to show their interest in a man is to make eye contact with him. (We're not going to waste time using eye contact as a test - I assume you know that one. Just remember - go over and talk to her after making eye contact once or twice, no more, or you could come across as stale and creepy.)
Another thing women will do when they want to meet you is to stand somewhere convenient for you to approach them. If you notice the same women standing about 6 feet away from you as you move around the venue, at least one of them probably wants to meet you.
Another way of testing this is to approach one of these women from behind and tap her on the shoulder. If she's attracted and waiting for you to approach, she won't act like anything is unusual. If she wasn't expecting you to approach, she might be startled for a second. (But as long as you weren't being creepy about it, you'll be fine. Just run your opener as normal.)
One of the easiest ways to tell if a woman is interested in you is to qualify her. Indeed, Qualification comes right after Attraction in the Love Systems Triad Model.
Ask a woman something like: “So what do you have going for you other than your looks?” Not in a mean or judgmental sort of way. Think of yourself scanning some Armani suits and asking the shop assistant what makes this one in particular special.
If she’s interested in you, she’ll try to “sell” (qualify) herself to you. It doesn’t matter whether she has a great answer on the spot – what’s important is that she tries.
If she isn’t interested in you at all, she won’t care that you asked.
Think about this in your own life. If a beautiful woman sitting next to you on the airplane asked you what your best qualities were, you’d probably try to sell yourself (perhaps after making some self-deprecating jokes first so you don’t come off as bragging). But if a homeless person on the street asked you the same question, you might not put as much effort into your answer.
Qualification is a really important concept, and too many people skip over it. Click here to listen to two Love Systems experts breaking down qualification so you can use this powerful tool tonight.
A “ping” is a signal that gets sent from one computer to another. When that computer receives it, it sends a signal back. You can use pinging for anything from determining if you’re connected to a network (and what your speed is) to running an air traffic control system.
You can also use it for testing how attracted a woman is to you. And it works the exact same way.
When she tells a joke or says something funny, playfully touch her arm or elbow or shoulder. Wait. Does she touch you back? How quickly? One ping might not tell you much but a dozen over the course of a conversation will reveal everything. Remember – body language doesn’t lie .