October 27, 2013


4 Text Messages of Instant Doom


It's funny to think about it now, but there was actually a time, not that long ago, when people didn't send texts (SMS). When I first wrote the Magic Bullets Handbook back in 2007, "texting" wasn't that important. The original version of Magic Bullets didn't even mention it!

These days, most people combine Magic Bullets with Nick Braddock's masterpiece, The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game. That's the book that blew the cover off how men can use text messaging to attract women, get dates, and hook up. I'm not going to go into the details here - the book covers exactly how to text women for every situation, with millions of examples.

Instead, I want to take the reverse approach. What common text messages are "dating death"?

(And as a special bonus at the end of this article, we'll have a professional researcher and PhD in psychology give his response. If you're interested in how scientists see Love Systems today and what they agree and disagree with, check out this article in Psychology Today)

1. "Are you mad at me?"/"Are you ignoring me?"

Similar to "did I do something wrong?" or the even more passive-aggressive "sorry" (without having something specific to be sorry for - you're just sorry because obviously you did something wrong or why isn't she texting you back?). A random ":)" by itself (if she didn't respond to your last text) falls into the same category.

These are bad text messages. Dating death. They all reek of insecurity.

The best way to handle her not responding to your last text message is to simply pretend you never sent it. It shouldn't even cross your mind that she didn't respond, or to infer anything from her non-response. I text because I feel like it. I'm not going to spend more than a second thinking about a lack of response.

Pro tip - you will find it MUCH easier to adopt this attitude if you are busy and dating/pursuing multiple women. You're much more likely to be needy when there's only one woman you're flirting with.

If she hasn't responded to your last few texts, use one of the "pinging" texts from the Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game or one of the scripts from Revitalizing Old Phone Numbers (a bonus book included with the Ultimate Guide).

2. "C U L8R" (or any other message in text speak)

If you sometimes write "y" instead of "why" or "u" instead of "you," the world won't end. But there's a big difference between shortening a word once in a while vs. making your text messages look like a stream of gibberish. If your text messages look like someone sat on your keyboard, you're telling her:

  • That you're 12
  • That you spend FAR too much time texting if textspeak appears to be your native/most comfortable language
  • That you probably need to upgrade to a real phone that makes texting easier

3. "Wink, smiley, wink, and wink again ;)

There’s nothing wrong with an occasional happy face :) Too many of them make you seem like a 14-year old girl. If you don’t have a good feel for this, try limiting yourself to one emoticon per 10 text messages.

Winks can be worse than smileys. Winks can cross as creepy, or super-sexual in a way that isn’t intended. There’s a difference between “do you want to hang out?” and “do you want to hang out? ;)” Or if you ARE intending to be sexual, then go ahead and BE sexual and at least get her respecting you as a man who says what he means.

(It’s like approaching a woman. If you’re going to go under the radar, actually BE under the radar. If you approach a woman with an excuse but it’s obvious you’re interested in her, then “go direct” and tell her you’re curious about her. You’ll get points for having confidence and courage.)

4. “Hey how are you”/“What’s up?”

Messages like these are boring and annoying. What these say to a woman is: “I’d like to have a conversation with you but you’ll need to do all of the work because I don’t know how to talk to women”.

If you want to text a woman, have something to say. It can be something that happened to you, or something you saw, or just something funny. The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game has thousands of texts and how to construct and use them all. There’s no excuse for being boring and lame.

If you’re stuck, imagine her replying “I’m great. What’s new or interesting?” and then think of what you’d say in return. Now START with that message.


Dr. Jeremy Nicholson is a doctor of social and personality psychology, with a focus on influence, persuasion, and dating. I took the footnotes out of this piece for brevity, but check out Dr. Nicholson’s blog if you’re interested in specific studies.

Texting is a limited communication method. Texts are short, one-sided communications, without any of the body language or voice cues often used in courtship. However, the limitations of texting also carry a number of advantages.

    • Texting is often felt to be more private than phone interaction. The one-sided communication also allows individuals to stay connected with a relationship partner, while still maintaining more autonomy and control over the conversation.
    • As a result, texting is used in relationships for quick expressions of affection and to broach potentially difficult or confrontational topics with less risk.
    • Thus, texting may be a particularly comfortable method of communication for individuals who are shy or avoidant. Texting may allow individuals to be less inhibited in various ways.

Given all that, texting may be an efficient tool to develop relationships with little emotional risk and less time investment than required by other forms of communication. Texting may also allow for easier and more comfortable discussion of difficult, intimate, or sexual topics, because of the perceived privacy and autonomy of the communication. Overall then, if you want to prompt a bit of affection easily, get an answer to a difficult question, or escalate the sexual nature of the relationship - texting may be an easy way to do it. Then, when you actually interact in person, the ice will have already been broken.

For more information, consult The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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