I was helping out one of our long-term Mastermind clients yesterday. He wants to get better with women – to have more options and better options. He’s not happy with his love life.
It’s not his fault. He’s just been taught the wrong thing for the last 32 years. He’s learned to internalize the “lies” that women tell. It’s destructive, because most women don’t want a guy they like to actually believe these lies.
Since a lot of men can relate to his situation, Jeff gave me permission to write about it here. Let’s cover a few of the most common “lies”.
Sure she doesn’t. If an unmarried Brad Pitt wanted something, she wouldn’t care if she met him at an STD clinic. What she’s saying here is that she doesn’t want to give her phone number to the guy who is asking right now.
There are two reasons why women might say this – so there are two different solutions. Most obviously, maybe she’s not attracted enough, so use Love Systems attraction techniques to learn how to attract women and spark more interest.
(Is “attract her more” easier said than done? Sure. But check out these links for attraction techniques you can start using right away – State-based attraction, Intrigue-based attraction, push-pull, pre-selection, takeaways and boundaries, role-plays, jealousy plotlines.)
Or, maybe she’s feeling pressure to have this attitude from her friends. This is especially important when learning how to attract high quality women. I go into how this works (and what to do about it) in more detail on my interview on how to understand women.
This isn’t always a lie of course. But it often is. I covered this one in a lot of detail a few years ago. Click the link below:
(By the way, make sure to “like” and/or “+1” and/or “tweet” the ones you like. That’s how we decide what to make more of.)
Also not always a lie, of course. But it often is and it's important to know how to seduce.(And not just because a guy knows what he’s doing and she changes her mind – I’m talking about situations where she knows full well that she wants to have sex, but she says she won’t anyway).
Why does she do this? All kinds of possible reasons. She doesn’t want to feel like a slut. She doesn’t want you to see her as a slut. She wants to be seduced. She wants you to feel special, like she doesn’t normally do this. She wants to set boundaries, so she can change her mind later if things get weird. Or it’s out of habit by now. Or maybe bits of all of these reasons combined.
The worst thing you can do when picking up women and in this situation is to make it into a conversation. That will only force her to defend and expand on her position, which can turn a throwaway line into something that she feels committed to keeping – if only to prove to you that she is consistent.
You can’t logic a woman into bed. So don’t even try. Instead, just casually agree or change the subject. (Of course no always means no, etc.) It’s like a “shit test” in that the worst thing you can do is fall into her frame. That's the last thing you want to do if you want to make her chase you.
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Obviously, we’re not talking about “lies” here like “I’m pregnant and it’s your baby.” These are social “white lies” that help many women navigate the world of dating and attraction. I could just as easily write about lies men tell (actually, I did, in my book for women)
People lie all the time. The average person lies three times in a ten-minute conversation. People lie a lot more in dating situations. That’s why it’s one of the Love Systems mantras to watch what she does, not what she says. Body Language never lies – that’s why we rely on it so much.
For a refresher, check out these clips from the Beyond Words Body Language and Physical Escalation DVD Set: