December 27, 2012


Solve Your Dating Problems this New Year's

Love Systems experts in self-help and self-improvement say that there are three big reasons why most resolutions fail.  Let’s look at them, so we know what not to do:

  1. They focus on the end result, instead of focusing on what you can do. For example, you’ll lose weight a lot quicker by deciding to skip dessert every Thursday than you will if you resolve to lose 20 lbs (or kg). With women, a resolution to “get a girlfriend” or “date ‘10s’” won’t get you as far as if you commit to (for example) learning how to approach women each day.
  2. They focus on the wrong things to get to your goal. Lots of guys think they have to be weird, or an asshole, to get women. That’s simply not true. (We have the media to thank for this misinformation.) You wouldn't go to Chinese school to learn French – but I see guys doing the equivalent of that all the time.
  3. They are unrealistic. Guys who say they’re going to go to the gym for two hours a day end up working out less in a year than guys who make more realistic commitments – and stick to them. You’re not going to go out meeting women every night (and you shouldn’t anyway). You’re not going to re-read the Magic Bullets Handbook every night.  But there are things you can do that are realistic and effective.

Solving Your Dating Problems by Using These New Year's Resolutions

Every year, Love Systems trains thousands of men on how to get good with women - whether it’s marriage, more and better options, or to live the player lifestyle.  We’ve seen what works and we’ve seen what doesn’t, year in and year out.  These five resolutions will work – and they’re all you’ll need.  Print them out, paste them on your wall, and hold yourself accountable.  That’s it.  All you have to do. You’ll thank me later. 

1.  Find and communicate your passion and purpose

solve your dating problems

Being good with women is different from being good at just about anything else.  If I want to be great at guitar or basketball, I should spend as much time studying and playing guitar or basketball as I can.  But if your life revolves around meeting women, it’s counter-productive.  That kind of lifestyle doesn’t make you very interesting to most women, especially if you want to attract high quality women

Find your passion and purpose.  Get used to explaining it in a way that other people, especially women, find compelling.  It’s better to have genuine passion for your Star Trek memorabilia than it is to pretend that you’re into something because you think she’ll think it’s attractive.  Use storytelling to get the girl, and it's the passion and emotional energy that she’ll respond to anyway

For example, I play and design board games in my spare time.  When I talk about that, I don’t talk about the mechanics of “dice roll modifiers” or “card-driven systems”.  I talk about when I was kid, a lot of my interaction with family came over games, and it was one of the few things that could bring everyone together for fun and laughs.  Even though you can do almost everything better on computers now, it’s really a great feeling to know that you designed something fun that brings people together in the same room for good times.  It’s like cooking a great meal that people can enjoy over and over.  Any woman can relate to that.

2. Practice

But still, you have to work for your goals.  If you want to be happy with your dating life, you need to practice.  This isn’t because there’s anything wrong with you.  It’s because women practice their social and flirting skills all the time.  They can’t help it.  An attractive, outgoing, social woman is going to have people wanting to talk to her quite often.   To be on her level, you need to practice and learn how to become a social person.

A good habit to get into is never letting an attractive woman go by without talking to her. If you need to plan to go to the mall or the club or various events so that enough attractive women cross your path for this resolution to be meaningful, go for it. But don’t cheat yourself. Make yourself approach, and don’t leave the conversation (unless she does) for at least five minutes. 

You’re not going to be interested in every woman you meet, but don’t let that stop you from practicing. If you only practice on the women you’re super-attracted to, you probably wont get enough practice in to really improve.

3.  Get good “wingmen” - enlist your friends

Studies show that people who share their goals with others remain more committed and accountable to them. So, there’s that. That’s one of the reasons the Mastermind “Lifeline” program is so popular – when you’re constantly checking in with an expert mentor/coach along the way and he gets to know exactly what you need to do so you get better with women, it’s a lot harder to just give up.

There’s also the fact that meeting women is MUCH more fun and MUCH easier when you’re out with like-minded friends. You can do well picking up women alone if you know what you’re doing, but it’s definitely not the ideal. It's usually so much better to use a wingman to get the girl.

If you don’t have any suitable friends in your area, try the wingman forum on The Attraction Forums.  It’s totally free, and a great place to meet like-minded guys in your area:

4.  Upgrade your “first impression”

how to solve your dating problems

Love Systems studies have shown that women will often decide whether a man is a “no” or a “maybe” within 30-90 seconds of meeting him.  It absolutely pays off to make sure you pass that first test (and is one of the ten secrets to a successful approach).  A lot goes into these first few seconds, but the most important elements are non-verbal – how you express yourself through your tone and through body language.  

The great thing about body language is that – unlike, say, going on a date, body language is something you can practice 24/7, even when there are no women around.

Body Language can get super-detailed (if you don’t have the Beyond Words DVD set already, I’d definitely recommend it – it will change your life both inside and outside of dating), but a few key elements are most important. 

If you find yourself doing any of these things, then pick ONE of them at a time, and fix it. Tell all of your friends that you’re working on (e.g.) eye contact, and ask them to let you know any time your eye contact isn’t solid. Set your phone to vibrate every hour to “spot check” whatever you’re working on until it’s a habit you don’t think about anymore.

  • Eye contact – 90% of the time when you’re talking, 70% of the time when you’re listening.
  • Controlled movements – Like Derek Cajun (a Love Systems Master Instructor) says, “move like you’re moving underwater”.
  • Smile – Not a big plastered-on smile, but look friendly.  It will help your mood, too.
  • Shoulders Back – Don’t hunch forward.
  • Stand Tall – Keep your head up.  Don’t look at the ground when you walk.

5.  Be Man Enough to Get Help

Most men aren't “naturally” good at attracting women. Some guys learn from watching older brothers or friends. Others won the genetic lottery. For everyone else, there’s hope – but you’re going to have to make it happen. And men tend not to want to admit that they could use help in this area of their lives.

Women don’t have this problem. They ask for and share advice all the time - and get much more personal than most men. This gives women a social advantage.

A little while ago, one of the largest sites for men’s fitness and self-improvement looked at exactly this issue, using Love Systems as an example:

The Science of Attraction

They have stupid pseudonyms like Cajun, Braddock, Fader, and Keychain, but it's better than what they used to be called: geek, nerd, jackass, and douche bag.

They dress well but aren't necessarily good looking. Some are skinny with patchy facial hair. Others are slightly overweight. A few are just plain fucking ugly. But they're nothing out of the ordinary. They look like... guys. If you were at a bar hanging out and they walked in you probably wouldn't even notice them.

That's okay with them. You're not their type.

You'd probably laugh with your friends as you watch one of them approach a group of gorgeous girls. But your laughter may turn to disbelief when you see the girls offer phone numbers. Disbelief might turn to shock as you watch a master walk out with the hottest one on his arm. And shock may turn to awe when you see him do it over and over again with different groups of sexy women.

They leave with Playboy centerfolds, porn actresses, models, and perfect 10s using 9 and 10 game. You leave with your best friend Steve.

But don't worry; they used to be just like you. Probably worse. And you can learn how to pick up chicks, too. That is, if you're man enough to ask for help.
(Read the rest of the article here)

Well, what kind of help?  First is to read these messages – so good job so far!  Second is to take advantage of the opportunities that come along to practice and upgrade your skills. 

Related Posts

Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.