November 26, 2012


If She Has a Boyfriend

Do you think “I have a boyfriend” means rejection? If so, I’m about to give you a HUGE improvement in your game – all in one place.

Some women say they have a boyfriend because it makes them feel – or come across to others – as desirable and popular.

Some women say they have a boyfriend to weed out guys who don’t understand attracting women – but guys who “get it” won’t be discouraged. 

Some women say they have a boyfriend to discourage a specific guy if she isn’t interested in him.

Some women say they have a boyfriend and they don’t even know why.  (This has happened to me sooooo many times.)

And finally…

Some women say they have a boyfriend because…they have a boyfriend.

What to do if she says she has a boyfriend?

When she mentions a boyfriend the first time, ignore it. No boyfriend destroyer is required. If you want to learn how to talk to girls with boyfriends, take “boyfriend” out of what she just said and continue the conversation as normal.  This shows her that you are used to how hot women act , that this isn’t your first rodeo, and that you’re not intimidated. 

If she actually has a boyfriend, she’ll bring him up again.  If she mentions her boyfriend more than once, or if she brings him up directly (e.g., “Stop trying to kiss me.  I have a boyfriend.”), then you’ve got to acknowledge it. 

There are all kinds of ways to do this, but I prefer a line I learned from Future Thompson, a top Love Systems Master Instructor:

Woman: I have a boyfriend

Future: That’s cool. Does he treat you nice?

Woman: Yes

Future: Oh. [Pause]. I wouldn’t. [Continue conversation]

Wait for her to laugh or playfully hit your arm or whatever and then carry on with a new thread.

However, if you're not sure if she actually has a boyfriend, do NOT start trying to figure out if she really has a boyfriend or not. There’s no clever way to do this. And if you show that you’re still hung up on this boyfriend thing, she’ll lose attraction. Don’t worry – eventually her status will become obvious. But you might have to wait a bit.


What to do if she has a boyfriend?

I’m a social engineer, not an ethicist.  If you want to go for a girl with a boyfriend, that’s up to you.  I know I’m going to get some hate mail for this, but it’s a fact of life and female psychology that most attractive women nearly always have at least one man playing a boyfriend-type role in her life at any given time.  The hottest women don’t tend to go boyfriend->single->boyfriend->single->boyfriend.  They go boyfriend->better boyfriend->better boyfriend->better boyfriend-etc.

In other words – if she says she has a boyfriend, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. There's no need for a boyfriend destroyer, just slow it down, let her get more attracted to you, and proceed as normal.  However, your odds are best if you make something happen right away.  Knowing how to text a girl when her boyfriend is looking over her shoulder or when she’s had time to feel guilty doesn't work as well.

What if she has a boyfriend and he's right there?

Some guys get really creative with this. I used to. E.g., you can give an excuse to get her number or email, even in front of her boyfriend, by taking a picture and offering to send it to her. Then, you can run phone and text game.  

But what I usually do instead is convert her into an instant wing-woman. Learn how to be cool (not a jerk that uses a boyfriend destroyer) by complimenting the boyfriend or husband or ironically be upset that the most attractive woman in the bar/party/etc. is off the market. 

Then tell her that since you can’t have the most attractive woman (i.e., her) that she has to help you meet the second-hottest woman. Now you’ve got an instant wing-woman – most women love this stuff!

Attached women make great wing-women. A lot of them miss the flirting and the thrill of the chase. They can’t do it themselves, but they can be part of it with you. So sometimes I’ll say something like:

CAJUN: Well, since you’ve ruined my plan of getting together with the most absolutely beautiful and interesting woman in [CITY] tonight by going off and getting married five years ago, you’re going to have to make this up to me...

HER: [Doesn’t matter what she says – it’s usually “Oh, really?” or “And how do I do that?”]

CAJUN: You’re now responsible for my backup plan – to meet the second most beautiful and interesting and cool woman in [CITY]. I’ll still be crying into my pillow for months that you’re taken, but I guess with therapy I’ll be able to move on. What do you think of that blonde by the bar?

Either she’ll go meet that blonde for you, or (more likely) she’ll come with you when you approach her. Opinion openers are great here, because you ask Ms. Blonde to “settle an argument” you are supposedly having with Ms. Attached Woman. Your wing-woman will play along.

Notice also the over-the-top compliments to your attached woman. You can do this if you have acknowledged boundaries – like that she’s married – and that you are obviously no longer hitting on her. It comes across as playful and lightly teasing in a sweet way instead of creepy. Your tone should convey both sincerity and that you know you’re being slightly ridiculous at the same time.

You can do all of this in front of the boyfriend. Done right, it’s a compliment to him.

I’ve had married and attached women get me the girl with me hardly doing any work myself. One of our bootcamp clients picked up a magazine model in New York City after his instant-wing-woman kept telling Ms. Model that if she wasn’t married, she’d be all over him. This happens over and over.

So, to sum up (or, if you prefer, the tl;dr version) is that when a woman says she has a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that you struck out.  Skilled guys know that this is a routine, especially with the most attractive women.  Depending on the situation, they use some of the Love Systems techniques from this article to attract women they deserve.

Want more awesome dating advice? 

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Cajun LS
Cajun LS


9 Responses


April 03, 2017

I’ve known this girl for three weeks now and really love her.We talked and we flirted, then I asked her to go for a drive with me she agreed and I asked her if she has a boyfriend then she said yes but the way she looks at me is a special way. So am asking what should I do to make her my girlfriend.


March 25, 2017

I meet so many attractive women but I always think there is that one who is more beautiful than all of them. What may bring about that?

Sum returd
Sum returd

March 16, 2017

Wow this one is great I have a crush over a year now about weeks ago she told me she have a bf and so I said well congrats and she said thanks so stuff and more stuff we talk as usual then told he I wish both of them will be together till they aged she said haha then I will go dye my hair to gray, now valentines day she got a huge bear and told me about it and I told her ha great now you got a bear to sleep with you you don need your bf anymore (joking) she responded haha no I will keep him ;) just now it was her birthday friend commented on her post saying happy birthday xxx girlfriend (smiley face emoji) (xxx is xxx) she responded thank :) who is xxx?:) well I need help guys help me pls thank you

young maxi
young maxi

February 26, 2017

I have a problem and is that am a skinny guy.. I worship God right. Anytime I approach a girl they keep rejecting me and I do exactly what am to do to win them the ways most of my friends did to win their girls I have done the same thing but am still rejected. the more I move forward with girls the more they reject me. my thinking is that is because am a skinny guy that’s why they don’t like me.. will I be loved??


February 25, 2017

There has been a lot of tension between this chick and I for months.
I had a feeling she liked me but I’m married.

7months later I ask her to have dinner with me.
Her reply was, “you do know I have a boyfriend…..but that don’t mean I’m not going to take you up on your offer.”

I was in the game before I even asked her out lol.


December 27, 2016

This girl showed interest in me many times. That is a sure point. We talked a few times when i saw her, but nothing more than that. Then i did not see her for a few weeks and i got the impression that things were starting to cool off a bit. So i convinced myself to do a move quickly. On that occasion, i told her i liked her and i found her very special,… i proposed a rendez-vous to get to know each other but then she quickly replied; “i don’t think my boyfriend is going to like that”. “Thanks for the compliments though”. What kind of a rejection is that?


December 09, 2016

I asked girl for her number . But she says she has a boyfriend. So what do i do

Orion Caneff
Orion Caneff

October 28, 2016

I’ve been talking to this girl I like for a little while over snapchat, suddenly she kinda stops responding when I say, " Hey what’s up!" Very rarely she will respond but sometimes she does. I told her I wasn’t trying to be annoying, and that I just want to get to know you. She later responded with that she wasn’t trying to be rude and that she kinda has a thing with a guy and that he doesn’t like it when she talks to other guys. I told her I understood and it’s been about a week, and I really want to talk to her. Do I start talking to her again with saying, " Hey" or somthing or do I explain myself like, " Hey (person), I know what you said before about your boyfriend doesn’t like when you talk to other guys, but do you think we could just talk as friends?" If you can let me know what to do that would be great thanks!


June 12, 2016

I have a question for you. I asked this girl if she has a boyfriend then she said kinda of_ what can I do I think we like each

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