Do you think “I have a boyfriend” means rejection? If so, I’m about to give you a HUGE improvement in your game – all in one place.
Some women say they have a boyfriend because it makes them feel – or come across to others – as desirable and popular.
Some women say they have a boyfriend to weed out guys who don’t understand attracting women – but guys who “get it” won’t be discouraged.
Some women say they have a boyfriend to discourage a specific guy if she isn’t interested in him.
Some women say they have a boyfriend and they don’t even know why. (This has happened to me sooooo many times.)
Some women say they have a boyfriend because…they have a boyfriend.
When she mentions a boyfriend the first time, ignore it. No boyfriend destroyer is required. If you want to learn how to talk to girls with boyfriends, take “boyfriend” out of what she just said and continue the conversation as normal. This shows her that you are used to how hot women act , that this isn’t your first rodeo, and that you’re not intimidated.
If she actually has a boyfriend, she’ll bring him up again. If she mentions her boyfriend more than once, or if she brings him up directly (e.g., “Stop trying to kiss me. I have a boyfriend.”), then you’ve got to acknowledge it.
There are all kinds of ways to do this, but I prefer a line I learned from Future Thompson, a top Love Systems Master Instructor:
Woman: I have a boyfriend
Future: That’s cool. Does he treat you nice?
Future: Oh. [Pause]. I wouldn’t. [Continue conversation]
Wait for her to laugh or playfully hit your arm or whatever and then carry on with a new thread.
However, if you're not sure if she actually has a boyfriend, do NOT start trying to figure out if she really has a boyfriend or not. There’s no clever way to do this. And if you show that you’re still hung up on this boyfriend thing, she’ll lose attraction. Don’t worry – eventually her status will become obvious. But you might have to wait a bit.
I’m a social engineer, not an ethicist. If you want to go for a girl with a boyfriend, that’s up to you. I know I’m going to get some hate mail for this, but it’s a fact of life and female psychology that most attractive women nearly always have at least one man playing a boyfriend-type role in her life at any given time. The hottest women don’t tend to go boyfriend->single->boyfriend->single->boyfriend. They go boyfriend->better boyfriend->better boyfriend->better boyfriend-etc.
In other words – if she says she has a boyfriend, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. There's no need for a boyfriend destroyer, just slow it down, let her get more attracted to you, and proceed as normal. However, your odds are best if you make something happen right away. Knowing how to text a girl when her boyfriend is looking over her shoulder or when she’s had time to feel guilty doesn't work as well.
Some guys get really creative with this. I used to. E.g., you can give an excuse to get her number or email, even in front of her boyfriend, by taking a picture and offering to send it to her. Then, you can run phone and text game.
But what I usually do instead is convert her into an instant wing-woman. Learn how to be cool (not a jerk that uses a boyfriend destroyer) by complimenting the boyfriend or husband or ironically be upset that the most attractive woman in the bar/party/etc. is off the market.
Then tell her that since you can’t have the most attractive woman (i.e., her) that she has to help you meet the second-hottest woman. Now you’ve got an instant wing-woman – most women love this stuff!
Attached women make great wing-women. A lot of them miss the flirting and the thrill of the chase. They can’t do it themselves, but they can be part of it with you. So sometimes I’ll say something like:
CAJUN: Well, since you’ve ruined my plan of getting together with the most absolutely beautiful and interesting woman in [CITY] tonight by going off and getting married five years ago, you’re going to have to make this up to me...
HER: [Doesn’t matter what she says – it’s usually “Oh, really?” or “And how do I do that?”]
CAJUN: You’re now responsible for my backup plan – to meet the second most beautiful and interesting and cool woman in [CITY]. I’ll still be crying into my pillow for months that you’re taken, but I guess with therapy I’ll be able to move on. What do you think of that blonde by the bar?
Either she’ll go meet that blonde for you, or (more likely) she’ll come with you when you approach her. Opinion openers are great here, because you ask Ms. Blonde to “settle an argument” you are supposedly having with Ms. Attached Woman. Your wing-woman will play along.
Notice also the over-the-top compliments to your attached woman. You can do this if you have acknowledged boundaries – like that she’s married – and that you are obviously no longer hitting on her. It comes across as playful and lightly teasing in a sweet way instead of creepy. Your tone should convey both sincerity and that you know you’re being slightly ridiculous at the same time.
You can do all of this in front of the boyfriend. Done right, it’s a compliment to him.
I’ve had married and attached women get me the girl with me hardly doing any work myself. One of our bootcamp clients picked up a magazine model in New York City after his instant-wing-woman kept telling Ms. Model that if she wasn’t married, she’d be all over him. This happens over and over.
So, to sum up (or, if you prefer, the tl;dr version) is that when a woman says she has a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that you struck out. Skilled guys know that this is a routine, especially with the most attractive women. Depending on the situation, they use some of the Love Systems techniques from this article to attract women they deserve.
Want more awesome dating advice?