April 22, 2013


How to be a good wingman

Beautiful women don’t usually go out alone - or date men who do.

I’m talking mostly about “night game” here (bars, clubs, restaurants, etc.)  In Day Game, it’s fine.  And if you are really good at Love Systems, you can do well going alone. A little while ago, I did an interview on this, called “Sarging Solo.” But the bottom line is that no matter how good you are by yourself, you’ll be much, much better with learning how to be a good wingman.

Tips on how to be a good wingman

First, do no harm.

The Hippocratic oath applies to Love Systems as much as it applies to medicine.  Before you do anything, make sure you’re not making a situation worse.  Here are some wingman tips:

How to be a good wingman tip #1: He who approaches the group, chooses his partner

be a good wingman Any guy can wander around a club and stare at hot women. It takes balls (and skill) to get over approach anxiety and actually do a quality approach – to go up to a group of girls, risk being rejected, learn how to talk to girls, and start a romantic/flirtatious conversation that actually goes somewhere. 

Don’t be the jerk who comes in a few minutes later, benefits from his wingman approaching the group, and then hits on the same woman as his friend. All you’ll do is sabotage both of your chances with her.

How to be a good wingman tip #2: Your friend is always the coolest guy in the room 

As you know, women are a lot more influenced by social cues than men. For example, with pre-selection, women are more likely to be attracted to men who other women are attracted to. Most men couldn’t care less – for most men, other men are just competition, not a road map.

One way women use social cues is in how you and your friends treat each other. If you and your friends treat each other with respect, women are more likely to be attracted. But if a woman sees you blowing off your friends to talk to her, when you’ve only known her for ten minutes, she will actually be less attracted. This will hurt you if you want to get her to like you

The social cues you’re giving off tell her that you are desperate, and that you have so little to offer that you surround yourself with low-value people who you don’t care about.  

How to be a good wingman tip #3: Respect wingman math 

Let’s say you know what to say to women and approach a group of three. A few minutes later, one of your friends joins the conversation. He notices that you’re flirting with one of the women and so he doesn’t interfere. Instead, one of the other two women seems to be interested in him, and he wants to take her somewhere private. Should he?


If he does, he’ll leave you with the woman you’re interested in – and her friend. In other words, he’s left you needing a wingman to distract her friend. Wait a minute – wasn’t that supposed to be his job when you guys learn how to get women?

(Now, if you wanted to leave with the woman you were talking to, and you were the one who approached the group, go for it.  Or, if there were only two women in the group, it would make sense for your friend to leave with the woman he’s talking to.  It depends on the situation, and remember, first do no harm.)

How to be a good wingman: Advanced tips 

how to be a good wingman

We’ve covered some of the basics of being a good wingman. I’ll try to include some more advanced skills, though if you’re really interested in how to boost your results you should check out the interview I did on Advanced Winging a while back.

In the meantime, here are a couple of more advanced techniques you can use right away:

How to be a good wingman advanced tip #1: Stealth compliments 

Women don’t like guys who brag about themselves. In fact, how to tell women about your good qualities quickly, without bragging, is one of the big themes of my guide of learning how to date beautiful women: The Magic Bullets Handbook. But there’s no limit to what your friends can say about you. You guys are friends after all – you’re supposed to like each other. 

Subtlety still wins here. If you can, wait until your friend is in the bathroom or getting a drink when you tell the women you’re talking to about why he’s so amazing. Or, for bonus points, don’t tell the woman he’s talking to – tell one of her friends, and wait for that information to be passed on when they all go to the bathroom. 

How to be a good wingman advanced tip #2: Frame setting 

Framing and Frame Control is a key Love Systems concept, and one that every man should master.  To summarize in one sentence, the frame (the assumed context of what you’re saying) is often more important than your actual choice of words.

For example, your friend can set the frame that you can the woman you’re talking to are already a couple. He can talk to her friends about how good they look together and treat you like a single social unit. (E.g., he can say “I’m having a party next weekend – you should come. I’ll invite Nick & Sarah too.”) 

Another good thing to use when learning how to talk to girls is future projections (another Love Systems concept) – these not only imply that you and the woman you’re talking to are a couple, but that you’ve been together for a while. (E.g., “Imagine years down the road, when you two are sunning yourselves on some Caribbean island or whatever – you’ll remember that if we all hadn’t been at Ye Olde Dive Bar tonight, nothing would ever have happened. It’s amazing how life works sometimes…)

Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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