Most of us guys have looked on in envy when some guy friend we know or some character in a movie or TV show goes specifically to pick up women in bars and somehow he consistently seems to be successful. As he later regales you with his best pickup lines and his adventurous romps with women, you may think to yourself “why can’t I be successful like that?” Well, it is both easier and harder than you think to be a pickup artist that's successful.
It is harder in that there is no magic bullet pick up lines or techniques that guarantees success in all situations with all women. But it is easier than you think to pick up women in bars in that it takes mostly a series of manageable adjustments to your inner game and outer pickup artist game in order to be more successful. “All” you need to do is develop some techniques, as well as some basic situational awareness, in order to be more successful in pick up.
Dividing your task into three separate, yet related, component skills and goals is very useful in advancing your pick up artist game. These three components are: “Outer Pick-up Game,” “Inner Pick-up Game,” and “Situational Awareness.” Details in reverse order.
One of the first steps in increasing your success in picking up women in bars is to cultivate a deeper awareness of your surroundings and the context into which you are inserting yourself. Different situations demand different mindsets in terms of negotiating the social dynamics and fluidity of any bar, club, or other venue. Women, especially attractive women, are socialized from a very early age to be subconsciously aware of a vastly larger array of social cues, norms, and other social dynamics.
Despite your general conscious awareness of yourself as a singular self moving in and out of social situations in concrete ways, you actually present a different self to different individuals across all kinds of social situations. Women often develop even more layers of “selves” in order to protect their more private and authentic selves to navigate the flux and flow of social life. In order to learn how to be social and pick up women in bars, as well as other socially fluid environments with a lot of distractions, you need also to cultivate your sensitivity of the dynamics of the situation.
This should come not from YOUR perspective, but from HER perspective. Women go home with men who provide value to them. They don't go home with men who don’t provide any value to her and are completely oblivious to the social realities surrounding her and her social world.
Therefore, one of the first pick up skills you must learn is awareness and a specific kind of observation. This isn’t a passive observation, but rather an active awareness of all the social dynamics occurring around you. To pick up women in bars, you need to be able to both observe and act in appropriate ways.
This aspect of pick up involves how you relate to your thoughts and your inner perceptions of yourself that relate to how you then act in the world and approach uncertain situations. The number 1 quality women identify as being attractive is a man who knows how to be confident. Women, especially the most desirable and attractive ones, can “smell” insecure and needy men very quickly.
Confidence shows itself in the smallest details, which women pick up on. Therefore, you may possess the smoothest pick up lines and opinion openers on the planet, but if you can’t back that up with some sort of substance behind it, then your chances of success drop precipitously, especially in a distraction rich environment such as bar where you flexing your pick up muscles. Related to this is also your ability to handle rejection and challenges.
All women will not be attracted to you in all situations (obviously) but you must not only understand this in an objective, scientific way, you must internalize this deeply in order to handle the inevitable rejections and unresponsiveness that some percentage of women may hold toward you despite all of your best efforts. The ability to shrug off rejection, as well as move on to the next woman to try again, is key.
Even though picking up women in bars generally involves alcohol and, therefore, various levels of altered judgment, you still must convey value to a women in your pick up attempts. And lastly, related to this is the avoidance of obsessing or dwelling on one woman, which prevents you from fully exploring all of your options.
This is what most guys focus on when learning how to pick up women in bars, namely what to say and how to act around a woman in order to get her attracted to you and interested in your advances. While this is very important and key to being successful in pick up, it also needs the previous two components in order to solidify your desirability in her eyes. The complete package is needed of course, but outer pick up game is also what needs to be cultivated in order to start your interactions off on the right foot.
Somewhat related to situational awareness, there are also different ways to learn how to approach women and start a conversation. Different pick up artists will also recommend different techniques, including for pick up in bars, but many of the PUA products out there don’t offer much in terms of concrete skills.
These skills take a lot of practice and repetition, so make sure to actually go out and work on using these lines in bars and other good contexts. Picking up women in bars doesn’t have to be a complex process once you can get the techniques solidly under your belt.