September 01, 2012


How to Approach Women

How to Approach A Girl


Learning how to approach women can seem like a daunting task. When we did a survey of 70,000 guys, approaching was the number one frustration that most men have with dating. 

There are two frustrating things about approaching women. The first frustrating thing is that women want you to approach them, and generally will never approach you (even if you're a good looking guy). The second frustrating thing is that if you approach WRONG, you look like a doofus. 

Here's a great video by Cajun on the subject.  


We can simplify this whole process by dividing your time with a woman into sections including: approaching, transitioning, attracting, qualifying, and building comfort. This system described in love systems boot camps can be used to describe the emotional, physical, and logistical progression you must make in order to get the girl.

Learning how to approach a girl, the first thing you need to do to start this process to eventually get the girl most guys are reluctant to do this and shy away from opportunities to converse by making up excuses like "she probably has a boyfriend," "she's not my type," or "she looks like a bitch." But these rationales are nonsense. What's really going on is one of two things:

  1. You don't know what to say to a girl.
  2. You're afraid of being rejected.

If you ask anyone in the pick up community about what to say to a girl, they'll tell you that the subject matter or "line" you begin with doesn't really matter. What does matter is the way you speak and your body language.

In this video, I explain some of the anxieties and problems guys have with approaching women, and give some of the key secrets to approaching a girl properly. 

When you approach a girl for the first time, she will form an instant impression of you in a split second. If that impression is good, you'll get a positive response almost no matter what you say. If that impression is bad, she'll likely be cold and disinterested, signaling her lack of enthusiasm by giving very short answers, looking away from you, or even ignoring you.

So how can we make sure this first impression is a good one?

First, take on a confident body language and ensure you have a command presence when you make your initial approach. Keep your head up, relax your shoulders, hold your drink to the side (not in front of you like most guys do) and walk slowly. Imagine you are the owner of the venue and you're walking over to ask a customer if she's enjoying your bar. You know how people say "that guy acts like he owns the place or something?" That guy should be you. This is a very important aspect of learning how to approach women. If you project the right image through positive body language, you'll find that instantaneous rejection will be very rare. Women will at least converse with you, even if they don’t end up hopping in your bed.

The next critical thing to remember is that rejection is no big deal. There is no reason to be afraid of it. Why? Because she is not rejecting you as a person. She doesn’t know you, your family, your friends, your background, etc. She is only rejecting your method of approach. Essentially, she is giving you feedback on your body language, telling you that some visual cue from your body and actions is not appealing. Take that criticism and think about what you did wrong. How did you feel walking over? Were you completely relaxed? Were you nervous? The only way to learn is to practice, make mistakes, analyze, and repeat.

If you want to learn how to approach women, you need to approach them regularly. Before going out, set the goal of approaching 4 girls before you are allowed to go home. If you go out three times a week, you'll do 12 approaches a week. After two months, you'll have approached close to 100 girls! That's probably more approaches than most guys have done in their entire lives!


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Chris Shepherd
Chris Shepherd


9 Responses


April 18, 2017

There’s no point in me approaching any woman – rejection is always guaranteed so why bother? I’m not ‘afraid’ of rejection – I just don’t see why I should bother putting myself out there if it will never go anywhere.


April 03, 2017

Interesting commentary here. Speaking as a female who doesn’t exactly enjoy the bar scene, I recommend you guys expand into broader territory than just “the local watering hole.” Not all of us girls are “bar-flies.” Many of us enjoy good books, intelligent (or silly) movies, museums, have eclectic tastes in music (not all of us are into Top 40 stuff), and so on.
Many of us are looking for quality mates with interests and tastes that lie beyond ESPN. ;) Not saying sports are bad, but having a broad range of interests is sexy, and being able to talk intelligently with a woman about said interests is going to get you far. If you’re worried about the idea of having broader interests outside of the typical “guy stuff” as not being “manly,” you are under a sad, sad illusion. If, however, you have a broad range of interests, and you use those interests to talk to a woman, you will have better luck than just the usual “you come here often” line.


February 13, 2017

i like your method of approach bt i personaly i tend to abuse a girl if she rejects me, wats bad abt that?


November 26, 2016

Good points, but I think everyone is always afraid of being rejected and the video definitely gives a good touch of how to approach women. The example you suggested is great! I think men need to add more flavor to their questions if they want to get a positive reaction from the woman. Thanks for sharing!


njeloh Kevin
njeloh Kevin

August 30, 2016

I enjoy your method of approach


April 08, 2016

I am going to be 35 next month and I never had a gf and never approached anyone. I have social anxiety so I get real nervous just getting a sub sandwich. I sometimes get nervous speak jibberish or my mind goes. blank so if I do that I probably do worse with a hot 22 yr old.Me being 6ft n 350 lbs with salt n pepper look wont do. I do look young for my age.

Nick mugambi
Nick mugambi

January 04, 2016

love the post


December 29, 2015

The thing that makes men reluctant to approach women is that they have not had any practice. If they were to be approaching a man or a couple of blokes they would be themselves and have no problems with saying “g’day mate”
or how’s it going. They have done this hundreds of times, so approach her in the same way. Think of her as if she were a bloke and say “hi hows it going”. If you are fairly loose in your words she will be ready to join you in conversation. Her reply may be something as easy as “hi, have we met before?” If a bloke said this to you your reply may be something as simple as “not sure but G’Day anyway my name is Peter. Do you come here often?” Say this to her and you have started a conversation. Pick up on what her followup is and go from there. It is really as simple as 1,2,3. If after every possible effort you still don’t have a date, just say "anyway nice to meet you and walk away, leaving her to think “oh bugger I could have had that guy now I am alone again.” She in all likelyhood if you bump into her again will not miss a second chance and she may even approach you, with something like “we met the other day, I’m sorry I may have seemed rude but My girlfriend has just recently met (George Clooney) and I wasn’t thinking straight”. Your reply may be like I didn’t think anyone would recognize me in this disguise, put you hand out and say “just call me George for now and you are?” If you can’t go from there, give up you are destined to join the monkhood…..Peter

Alex Wolff
Alex Wolff

December 27, 2015

Very insightful, I like the idea of thinking to your self, you own the place and you are asking a customer, how they are being acommedated. I also thought approach 4 girls everytime you go out was a great goal thank you very much

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