February 02, 2012


How To Be Confident


Confidence is one of those things that can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it. Women love confidence and can sense whether or not you (as a man) have it from a mile away.

Why do women love confident men? Because they can use it as a shortcut to tell whether a man has the type of qualities she's looking for. Guys who are successful, who have good social skills, who are in good shape, who have had success with women before, and even who have wealth and status - those guys tend to be confident.

Think about it – any guy can lie or pretend to be someone he's not. At the very least, a lot of guys exaggerate. Women know this. They'll listen to what you say, but they're also looking past your words at the complete you. And if you seem confident, then they're more willing to believe good things about you. But if you sound like you're the greatest thing since sliced bread but you're shaking like a leaf, she'll think, "there's something wrong with this picture."

Now, telling you to "be confident" is like telling you to "be rich." It's a destination, a goal, a result, not something you can actually do to improve your life. Instead, start by copying what confident men do. A woman has no way of telling if you have great body language because you're successful and comfortable with your success or whether you're just deliberately displaying confident body language. She'll just be attracted. And having beautiful women attracted to you a lot will help you develop genuine confidence. Thus the behaviors and habits you imitate all become natural.

Voice and Body Language

A good starting point is to improve your tonality and body language. Love Systems Master Instructor Daniel Vercetti gives some excellent tips on The Attraction Forums, in his famous post on body language tactics.

Try these tips out. They will work. If you're not convinced about the importance of body language, then check out these two clips, both from comedy films but you'll get the point. First, take a look at Simon Pegg, wearing the tie, in this first clip where he plays a loser:

Now in the next clip he plays a totally different character. He looks the same physically but because of his tone, posture and body language, women will react to him totally differently than if you met him in the street.

Now, there are limitations to the "appear to be more confident so you really will become more confident" approach. If you have deep-seated issues about your self-worth or happiness, then those won't go away without you attacking them directly. But in terms of normal day-to-day stuff and appearing confident and attractive around women, you'll be fine.

Often you can be our own worst enemy. Imagine if someone followed you around all day whispering sentences in your ear like: "You look like an idiot," "You're never going to achieve anything," or "You're a loser."

Two things would happen:

  1. You would feel absolutely terrible.
  2. You would soon eject that person from your life.

Unless that person is you. People too often let themselves be that annoying person, feed themselves negative thoughts, and undermine their own self-confidence. Controlling your thoughts is hard and takes discipline, but rephrasing what we say and think has a big impact on how we feel about ourselves. For example, if you are approaching women and getting poor results don't dwell on the negatives; try to focus on the fact that the more mistakes you make the faster you'll learn. Don't tell yourself "I'm terrible with women." Rephrase it with "I haven't learned to be good with women... yet."

And while you're at it, give yourself a pat on the back for finding Love Systems and for having the balls to put yourself out there, knowing that at first you'll fail more than you'll succeed, because you're the kind of man who is going to get what you want. You're already ahead of 90% of other men out there.

Facing your fears is another sure way to gain confidence. Every time you avoid doing something worthwhile because of your fear a little deduction is chipped away from your self-esteem. If you face up to your fear and do that thing that feels uncomfortable you will be rewarded by growing a little stronger and more confident. Approaching a hot girl on the street may frighten you senseless but that feeling of overcoming your fear will be worth it in the long run. Set yourself challenges as often as you can - run a marathon, take a boxing class, stand up to a bully, learn a language, whatever. Your confidence will improve by conquering your fears AND by feeling that you are grabbing life by the balls.

Once you begin to feel more relaxed and sure of yourself it quickly snowballs. It leads to more success, more women and even more confidence. Finally remember that there's nothing unusual about feeling a little uneasy at times. Often you may think you're the only one feeling nervous or self-conscious, whereas in reality the guy next to you probably feels the same - but we are guys; we don't talk about it.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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