March 08, 2012


When to Say "I Love You" - And Mistakes with Women

Ever say something to a girl you're dating and things go south fast?

Ever wondered when to say "I love you"?

"Can I buy you a drink?" or "Can I have your phone number"? Find out if you've made one of these most common mistakes men make with women. 

Mistakes with Women

1. “Can I buy you a drink?”

NEVER start a conversation this way.  Yes, it works for James Bond in the movies, because he’s James Bond and it’s the movies.  When guys like you or me say this, it tells her that she’s out of our league.  Why else would you spend money just to talk to her?

Once you’re already talking to her for a bit, by all means buy her a drink if you want.  But don’t use it as an excuse to start talking to her.

2. “I love you”

OK, you can say this one.  Just don’t say it first.  That’s a basic principle of relationship management. Figuring out when to say I love you is a very common mistake men make because gauging when to say this can be difficult. 

(Another is that relationship management starts before you sleep with her. Set expectations early: girlfriend, friend with benefits, multiple relationships, etc.)

3. “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

Three problems for the price of one here.

This is a common mistake men make with women. First, assume that she is interested – don’t ask her.  This is a powerful framing and subcommunication tool.  Just say “let’s have dinner”.

Second, unless you’re advanced, dinner is a bad first date.  You’re usually sitting across from each other, so it’s hard to start the “physical conversation” that is so important.  When your conversation is her only source of entertainment, it can be hard to sustain the energy for a couple hours, especially on a first date.  Dinner is also a very traditional date, so it will put her in a very traditional frame – for example, not wanting to get physical with you for several more dates.

Third, “sometime” is weak and gives her all the power.  Women aren’t generally attracted when they have all the power.

4. “Can I have your phone number?”

Here's another to add to our list of common mistakes with women. As above, assume that she interested.  That’s what high-value men do, and this can often be the difference between success and failure.

“Give me your phone number,” or “let’s exchange phone numbers” is a better way to get a woman’s phone number – once she’s already attracted.  But don’t randomly ask for her number, if you can avoid it.  Ask for it once you’ve already agreed on a date.  E.g.:

Guy: There’s a cool show at the Palace Friday, you should come
Girl: That sounds fun!
Guy: Give me your number; I’ll call you tomorrow with details

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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