December 12, 2011


Dating Tips For The Holidays

2011 is almost over, but there’s still time to get a great girl for the holidays. First of all, if you missed my post last week on how to meet women over the holiday season, go read it now!

This has been pretty popular, and all week I’ve been getting mail and tweets from guys who are surprised how easy it is to meet women using Love Systems. But they don’t always know what to do next.

Are you one of those guys? If so, let’s get this solved!

3 Ways to Get the Girl – Once You’ve Already Approached Her

Do you want a phone number and a date? Or do you want to take her home? Or is she your next girlfriend? Make a decision, because each path leads in a different direction.

1. If you want casual hookups...

Focus on Physical Escalation (touching) and Logistics (getting her alone with you somewhere where you can take things to the next level). If you know the Love Systems Triad, this should be obvious, but even if you haven’t, remember to touch early and touch often. Find out early in the night who she is with and where she is going later. A couple quick tips: 

  • Make the numbers match. If you’re alone and the woman you meet is with her friend, get an instant wingman. You can use opinion openers with guys you don’t know in order to draw them into the conversation.
  • Use state-based attraction instead of intrigue-based attraction. (If you have 11 Essentials, review the whole second module)
  • Whispering is a great way to create sexual tension – it lets you get right close and is a huge turn-on to many women.
  • In Day Game, physical escalation is less important and logistics are more important. Don’t try to seduce her on the street. Make a date for later that night.

Keychain did a great job explaining rapid escalation on the interview series this year. He’s one of the stars of the Beyond Words course and is a master of quickly turning things physical with a woman, so I heartily endorse this:

Rapid Escalation

And in terms of state-based attraction, if you’re looking for casual hookups, I definitely recommend the high-energy sexualized roleplays like the kind that Braddock and Daxx use. Their best and most original material is on their Push/Pull Interview last month:

Advanced Attraction (Push/Pull)

(The Braddock and Daxx push/pull interview may be the best one we’ve done all year. Click the link above to listen to the first ten minutes right away)

2. If you want phone numbers and dates

...then it’s mostly about the Emotional Connection. Physical Escalation / touching is less important on the first meeting (but still do it) and Logistics aren’t usually very important at all.

Emotional connection comes through conversation. So you need great conversation and flirting skills. Can you think on your feet? Here are a couple of flirting/conversation skills: 

  • Never ask two questions in a row. Alternate statements and questions.
  • Don’t play tourist in her life. Add value.
  • Flirting is playful, not serious. It’s also supposed to be fun. Make her have fun.
  • Cut off any conversation topics that won’t help you (e.g., her ex-boyfriend, her sick cat, her 6am wakeup call tomorrow, etc.).
  • Be at the same energy level as her or slightly higher.

Want to get better at flirting and conversation skills? This will help:

Conversation Techniques

The second part of this is that once you get her phone number, you still need to turn it into a date. The ultimate resource for this of course is Braddock’s book but here are a couple hints to get you going:

  • Texting is usually better start than phoning for the first contact.
  • Always sign your texts. If she has to respond with “who is this?” it kills the emotional momentum.
  • If you call, get off the phone first, after about 10-12 minutes. Never leave voicemails.
  • Never text her back quicker than she texted you back.
  • Be unpredictable. Alternate long and short texts, funny and serious, questions and statements.
  • Use statements more than questions. You don’t lose anything if she doesn’t respond to “I’m going to the House of Blues tonight!” You do if she doesn’t respond to “Would you like to come to the House of Blues with me?”
  • Use Callback Humor whenever possible. If you did any role-plays when you met, start the call by continuing the roll play. If you gave her a goofy nickname, start by calling her that.
  • Speaking of Callback Humor, remind yourself to set it up when you’re actually meeting her the first time. For example, I always run the same Crime Lord routine when I’m doing the phone number & date thing. It’s automatic. That way I know when I call or text her the first time, I can say my getaway car driver didn’t show so I need her to come in and work the bank robbery on 64st street today. It always gets her texting right back or (if we’re on the phone) laughing and happy.

There’s lots more I want to say about Callback Humor, but we’ve got to move on. If you want to pump up your phone game with Callback Humor, click the link below:

Callback Humor

3. If you are looking for a girlfriend or long-term relationship

Here’s where you need the full package. You need the conversation skills, you need the phone and text game skills (because there are going to be a few dates before she becomes your girlfriend and you’ve got to keep things going in between those dates).

You’ll also need – unlike in the last two cases – an attractive lifestyle. A woman can hook up with you without caring about what you do with your time, but for a woman to become your girlfriend, she has to want to join your life. That’s friends, hobbies, job, social life, interests, etc.

Here are a few handy lifestyle hints – actually, before we get into that, what IS lifestyle anyway? Personally, I like this quote, from Aristotle:

You are what you repeatedly do.

So if you think you don’t have a lifestyle now, you’re wrong. You do. It might not be an attractive one, like Corporate Drone or Internet Addict, or if you’ve got your life together, it might already be a great one. Okay, onto the tips:

  • Prioritize your schedule and schedule your priorities. If you don’t make time for what’s important to you, it won’t happen. (Remember the Aristotle quote.)
  • It’s much better to be passionate about something that she might not be interested in than to adopt “high status” hobbies you don’t connect with. I spend a frightening amount of time designing board games. No woman I’ve met wants to play any of them. But they love hearing me talk about it with passion and love telling their friends about my nerdy hobbies.
  • It’s all got to tie together. You can’t have a beach-y laid-back surfer identity if all of the friends you introduce her to are straight-laced corporate types.

This year was a great one for the interview series – back in the summer there was a great one on Attractive Lifestyles. Listen now by clicking the link below:

Attractive Lifestyle



Actually, now all of the interviews from this past year are in one just-released “10 Interview Value Pack”. Not only do you get all of the above interviews – for hookups, for dates, and for relationships – but you also get a couple of my favorite volumes that apply to all three goals:

  • SOCIAL PROOF: Social Proof is what gives you the all-important “Social Status” attraction switch, even if you have no status at all. It’s critical for any kind of party, bar, restaurant, or nightclub environment, no matter what your goals are with her.
  • TRIAD MODEL: The Don himself breaks down the Triad Model from the point of view of how to use it to get the results you want with women – quickly and efficiently. Comes with the Triad Model book (at no extra charge) with pictures and examples to explain how it all works.
  • INNER GAME: Your beliefs, confidence, and psychology. (Another top-rated interview in 2011)
  • NATURAL GAME: I like this one a lot, not just because I’m on it, and not just because it was Jeremy Soul’s last interview. It’s most peoples’ ultimate goal right? This is a sneak peak about what it all means.

Bonus – Are You an “Orbiter” Quiz

Are you an orbiter? The platonic friend of a woman you’re attracted to? If you answer “Yes” to more than 3 of these questions, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this woman:

  1. Do you hang out with a woman you have a crush on, but it’s never anything physical or sexual?
  2. Does she ever talk about other men or flirt with other men when you’re around?
  3. Does she get uncomfortable when you get beyond Social Touch (from the Triad Model).
  4. If you hang out with her alone, does it feel like a date without the sex? (You pick her up, pay for dinner, walk her to her car, etc.)
  5. If you told her you were gay, would she need to change anything about how she acts toward you?

Don’t go into 2012 being an orbiter... these situations don’t turn around by themselves.

Happy holidays!

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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