Happy New Year from Love Systems!
January 1 means sleeping in…hangovers…and New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve been getting a lot of email and blog comments from guys asking – what do I need to do in 2010 to get the dating life I want?
I’ve been running Love Systems – by far the biggest and most successful dating and attraction system – for a long time. I’ve seen tens of thousands of men try just about everything. I’ve seen what usually works and what usually doesn’t.
A few years ago when this Love Systems’ insider (LSi) newsletter started getting famous and people wanted me to write a book, I decided to call it the Magic Bullets Handbook. It’s an ironic title. It makes fun of the idea that there is a “magic bullet” – a simple solution that will magically attract any woman, free will be damned.
You’ve probably read the Magic Bullets Handbook by now (if not, what are you waiting for?) so I’m not going to waste your time or my time repeating myself. Magic Bullets is a proven system that any man can use to attract desirable women. It’s won awards, it’s been translated into more languages than I can count the world over, and it’s been tested over and over.
But even the Magic Bullets Handbook can’t get you to where you need to go if it just sits on your shelf. It can’t go meet women for you.
So what I’m going to do is share some proven strategies that I’ve seen many men of different ages and backgrounds use to transform their dating and sex life. It’s less “what to change” and more “how to change”.
Print this out. Put it on your fridge or laptop or something you look at daily.
You might not think that meeting and attracting beautiful women is something you practice. So I’ll let you into a little secret:
Beautiful women practice all the time.
No, supermodels aren’t going to the bar to practice meeting men. They don’t have to. Men approach them all the time. That’s why beautiful women usually seem poised and comfortable when you approach them – they’ve practiced thousands of times.
You’re not going to be great at something the first couple times you do it – whether it’s driving a car, cooking a meal, or attracting and dating beautiful women (“Love Systems”).
In the book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell saw that experts in their field put in about 10,000 hours of practice time. He’s talking about guys like Bill Gates for programming or The Beatles for music. Top Love Systems instructors are probably around the 10,000 hours mark. You don’t need to be anywhere near that level to have a life full of beautiful women, but you do need to practice.
How much practice do you need? More is better. In general, a minimum should be at least a few hours every week.
Can you commit to this? Good. Now schedule it. One of my mentors taught me to “prioritize your schedule and schedule your priorities.” So if every Friday night or Saturday afternoon is going to be “find something social where I can meet beautiful women” time, then schedule and prioritize it. Right now.
“I usually wing with a couple of guys from my bootcamp because I know they’re good and they know their stuff. No offense to the guys I was going out with before but other than the bootcamp itself, that made the biggest difference to my game.”
-Darren L., Tulsa, OK
Having guys you like to go out with to meet women ("wingmen") is a huge benefit to your game:
I get a lot of questions about this. It’s not really something most Love Systems instructors like myself have had to worry about – we all took the Love Systems comprehensive bootcamp, and it’s very easy and natural to keep going out with the guys you trained with. Or if we’re traveling, there’s the whole Love Systems Lounge (formerly “Mystery’s Lounge”) to help out.
(The Love Systems Lounge is a free private online community of Love Systems instructors and successful live training graduates.)
But since not everyone qualifies for the Love Systems Lounge, we’ve come up with a new way for the Love Systems community to find quality wingmen:
For the first time ever, The Attraction Forums – the world’s largest zero cost forum for expert dating advice for men – has a whole section of “local” forums. Check it out – scroll down the menu until you get to your specific city or area.
This is the ultimate place to find local wingmen or to see what is going on in your local Love Systems community – get club recommendations, dating advice, and more.
The other option is to train your friends to be good wingmen.
Whether you go out alone or with wingmen, there are specific strategies you can use to maximize your odds:
“Raising my standards hurt my game at first. I just wanted hot women. When I screened for hot women who ALSO shared my interests, I got way more success and better quality. That’s the biggest thing that helped me after the bootcamp.”
-Paul L., Vancouver, BC
This is the secret of “Qualification.” People value what they have to work for. It’s the same principle behind elaborate initiation rituals for some organizations (e.g., college fraternities) or hiring processes for some companies. People who jumped through all those hoops want to believe that it was worth it - that the reward at the end is something they want.
It’s the same thing with women and dating. If she knows she can have you just because you think she is pretty, she’s less likely to be interested. But if you make her work for it…
Qualification is actually a much bigger topic than this, but for the purpose of making your New Year’s Resolutions, here’s what you should do: it’s what “Future” – the #1 pick up artist and dating coach in the world in 2009 – calls “poor man’s qualification”:
Write down at least 5 specific things you’re looking for in a woman. Every time you’re talking to a woman you like, find out if she has these things
You don’t have to do anything weird or awkward. Let’s say it’s important to you that a woman you date share your taste in music. With every woman you talk to, find out what her tastes are.
Just by doing that alone, you will have better success with women, and also attract those who are more “your type.”
To paraphrase Steven Covey:
“If you don’t know what you want…if you don’t know how to get it…if you don’t know how to tell when you do get it…then your odds of success are very small.”
One of the most important things we do on every bootcamp or live training seminar is make any necessary changes to every client’s wardrobe, hair style, etc.
As I wrote in the chapter on fashion in the Magic Bullets Handbook:
“Being good-looking for a man is much more about fashion and grooming than it is about what you look like naked.” (Source)
Be grateful for this. Some women – no matter how hard they try – can never be pretty enough to attract most men. However, almost all men can be “good looking enough” that their looks won’t stand in the way of being with a beautiful woman, if they have a few hundred dollars, a clue about what they’re doing, and a mall.
Knowing what you’re doing is the only hard part, since the type of clothes that will help you succeed with beautiful women (which we’ll call “Love Systems fashion”) is different from “high fashion” or “GQ fashion.”
Fashion is crucial, but not time-consuming. You only have to redo your wardrobe once this year. It’s great to stay on top of trends, but if you get a great look in January, it will still work in December.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, there are a few resources that can help:
You can’t manage what you can’t measure.
Keep a Love Systems journal so you can learn from your experiences, see patterns, and chart your progress. This might be the single best thing you can do to improve your skills with women.
Post “field reports” of your nights out and details from your interactions. If you’re on the Love Systems Lounge, instructors and other live training graduates are likely to give their feedback. If you’re, not, there’s a very active field reports board on The Attraction Forums.
Be detailed and specific enough that people can comment and give advice. Read other peoples’ field reports for examples, and for ideas when you’re there.
Half the value of posting a field report is working through all of the issues in your own head. So don’t skip over complicated parts or failures. Try to break them down and figure out what you’d do in that situation next time. Even just writing about what happened will train your subconscious to think of what you could do better next time. Make an effort to do this once per week, and your results will improve dramatically.
I’ve been teaching pick up and seduction to men around the world for several years now. I’ll be honest with you - it would be much easier to just keep saying the same stuff as we did in 2004. But that wouldn’t work for Love Systems because we actually use our techniques every day, in our own personal lives. The psychology of attraction stays the same, but what creates attraction definitely does not.
Imagine going into a nightclub dressed in a cape, leotards, goggles, furry hat and a feather boa. Ten years ago, that was different enough to be interesting. Today, it is disastrous. Some people adapt and are still attracting beautiful women today. Others cry bitter tears and tell stories about the good old days. Which do you want to be?
It’s not just “dating science technology” that changes. Actual technology changes too. A few years ago, text messaging was rarely used in pickup and dating – no one even talked about it. Today, it’s a fundamental skill – to the point where the Love Systems book on Phone and Text Game (by Braddock and Samurai), with its pages of text message scripts, is one of the most highly-regarded books in the field of dating and attraction. If you can’t text, you’re probably “losing” 2 out of every 3 women you’d otherwise be able to get.
The next big thing is social circle game. Women have always judged men in part based on their lifestyle – who are your friends, what do you do with your time, etc. Until recently, they just had to take your word for it. Now with Facebook and other social media, women expect to know a bit about your lifestyle.
You can fake it, sure. But instead, we’ve figured out how to actually build a lifestyle that not only beautiful women will be attracted to, but will also produce a consistent stream of desirable women. Instead of going to the club and working hard to pick up the beautiful woman surrounded by guys in the corner – be the guy who goes out with her in the first place.
But it’s not just social circle game. It’s all kind of things – new powerful routines, techniques, and more.
Set up a few ways to stay current – this Love Systems insider (LSi) and a couple blogs – and eliminate the rest. Unsubscribe to any self-improvement mailing lists that are not providing quality “news you can use” information every week… I promise this will make a big difference. You MUST get rid of the clutter to leave enough room for the light to get in.
Do this now and it will free your mind up for the year.
I confess – I’m not great at this. Most men aren’t. That’s why there are so many jokes about men refusing to ask for even simple things like driving directions. Women will not only ask for directions, but also share personal experiences, ask for advice, and avoid re-inventing the wheel.
This gives women a huge advantage socially over most men. Don’t blame women for being smarter about dating and relationships and usually setting the agenda and getting what they want. Learn from them.
One of the largest websites for men’s fitness, body building, and self-improvement was looking at exactly this issue a little while ago. Interestingly, they used Love Systems as an example:
The Science of Getting Laid
They have stupid pseudonyms like Cajun, Sheriff, Samurai, and The Don, but it's better than what they used to be called: geek, nerd, jackass, and douche bag.
They dress well but aren't necessarily good looking. Some are skinny with patchy facial hair. Others are slightly overweight. A few are just plain fucking ugly. But they're nothing out of the ordinary. They look like... guys. If you were at a bar hanging out and they walked in you probably wouldn't even notice them.
That's okay with them. You're not their type.
You'd probably laugh with your friends as you watch one of them approach a group of gorgeous girls. But your laughter may turn to disbelief when you see the girls offer phone numbers. Disbelief might turn to shock as you watch a master pick-up artist walk out with the hottest one on his arm. And shock may turn to awe when you see him do it over and over again with different groups of sexy women.
Pick-up artists leave with Playboy centerfolds, porn actresses, models, perfect 10s. You leave with your best friend Steve.
But don't worry; they used to be just like you. Probably worse. And you can learn how to pick up chicks, too. That is, if you're man enough to ask for help.
If you haven’t already, make 2011 the year you man up. Ask for help and take control of your social life.
So, that’s it. Nothing in here should be overly hard or unrealistic. There’s nothing in here about going to the gym every day, taking an improv class, or losing 30lbs. Those things will all help, but aren’t necessary.
These are your new year’s resolutions. They are achievable. Print them out (this is important) and look at them every day. Let’s make 2011 the year you reach your goals.
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