November 28, 2010


Go Direct | Direct Game | Direct Openers

This is so good I had to share it with you right away.

My friend and colleague Josh Farmer has amazing skills with women. He uses the proven Love Systems approach – the time-tested techniques that let average guys like you and me attract and date beautiful women we’d never get otherwise.

But his specialties are a bit different from mine. I’m a bars and nightclub guy. He’s more of a Jeremy Soul type – he meets women during the day. At malls, coffee shops, parks, and so on. Even on the street – if a beautiful woman walks by who he wants to meet, he doesn’t just stand there and wonder what might have been. He meets her. And most of the time, good things happen.

He’s also known for his “direct” style of Love Systems. He doesn’t come in “under the radar.” He makes his intentions known right away.

Why am I telling you this?

A little while ago, Josh Farmer logged onto The Attraction Forums every day, sometimes a few times a day, to answer questions about Day Game and Direct Game. The Attraction Forums are free, and the Q&A is as well.

You can check it out here.

While you're checking that out, I wanted to get you started with some of the must-have info that can fix common mistakes men make with women – mistakes most guys don’t even know they are making. These are all direct from the booklet.

What are some of the biggest mistakes a guy being “direct” can make in the first couple minutes?

Three big ones: 

  • Being reaction-seeking
  • Body Language
  • Expecting her to do the work

A lot of times, a guy will deliver a direct opener in a reaction-seeking way. To do this is incongruent - you are trying to show you are a high value guy who has no shame and problem with expressing his desire for her, but at the same time you are expecting her to give you the reaction you want. If you truly were a high value guy, you wouldn't need her approval or a great reaction.

Body language is difficult to fix in writing and it is why bootcamps and workshops are such great value, you get to see how you should move and stand in person (Cajun and Vercetti do a great job on video in the Beyond Words Body Language Home Study Course as well). But generally, guys need to have VERY GOOD body language for a direct approach, otherwise, again, you will come across as incongruent, and incongruence is weird to women. Stand up straight, slow down your movements, look her in the eye.

Lastly, some guys will expect her to do the work after a direct approach. Approaching direct is not a magic bullet to make her attracted to you. It is true that attraction can happen quicker with a direct approach, but you still need to be the one directing and dominating the conversation. You have shown yourself to be a confident guy, now you need to be able to speak as a confident guy. Sometimes the women will give you a good reaction and will say things you can play off - but most of the time she will have the rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look and you'll need to direct the conversation.

After you meet a woman, how do you proceed without starting to ask boring questions like “where are you from” and so on?

In day game, these aren't as boring as you'd think. The aim in day game is to have a normal conversation where you can relate to her in various ways. Asking 'where are you from' will be interesting if you know where you're going with it, can transition into other conversational threads smoothly, and can transition into that question while grounding it to something. It will be boring if you just ask her a series of rapport-seeking questions without offering anything about yourself that is relevant to what she said. For example, this would be an interesting snippet of conversation using what you suggested: [starting after the opener and exchange of names]

Me: "You know, you have a great fashion sense, I'm betting you're not from around here, where are you from?"

Her: "Thanks! Yeah I'm actually from New York."

Me: "Oh that's cool, I've never been to New York but a friend of mine works over there and she loves it. What are you doing in London, just travelling around?"

Her: "Yeah, I flew in last week and then I'm off to France."

Me: "That's interesting, I find girls who travel really attractive. I've actually just got back from LA and blah blah blah..." - and you're away into an attractive conversation about traveling

Jeremy Soul (the #1 expert in Day Game) has a bunch of actual pick up transcripts like this in his book, Daytime Dating.

Generally, you want to ask her a question and then offer some value of your own that is relevant to her reply, like me saying I have a friend who's in New York (a female friend, showing possible pre-selection). Follow up her answer with some statements about yourself before asking her another question.

Some things to bear in mind here and some things to put into practice:

  • Running out of things to say is a good sign. It shows you're progressing well if this starts to happen - we all went through it and when you fix this particular problem your results will improve dramatically

  • I would normally say that you should ride this situation out for a week or so more, without learning any routines etc, so your brain naturally gets used to coming up with things to say. Say anything at all to keep the conversation going.

  • In daytime dating, it is crucial to come across as a three dimensional person, and someone she has some rapport and comfort with. But it's also crucial to reserve some mystery about yourself so that she is intrigued about you and wants to find out more by going on a date with you. So the trick is to give enough attractive information about yourself, without telling her everything about yourself - remember, you are talking to her to find out whether she fits what you're looking for in a girl, which leads onto:

  • Write down 3 things that you do or have done in your life that you can talk about with passion. Things like traveling, sports, music etc. As well as writing down the factual things, what they are, also write down how they make you feel and why you like doing them. This is so you can connect with her on an emotional level.

  • Now write down 3 things that you want in a woman. Usually these will be similar to your interests above, but they might not. E.g.: adventurousness, likes traveling, dances.

  • Now you should have things to talk about. You want to find out whether she has the 3 qualities you are looking for, and then present to her the 3 qualities and exciting things going on in your life. The art is smoothly transitioning from one subject to the next, which is a huge topic that is taught in Day Game Workshops. It is similar to qualification and comfort stages, so read those chapters again in Magic Bullets.

  • For now, an easy way to transition into these topics is by a cold read. The model you should use for now should be 1. Cold read based on one of the three qualities you are looking for  2. Transition from her reply into  3. One of three qualities about yourself.

    A typical example, based on travelling, would be:

    You: "Hey you don't look like you're from around here."

    Her: "No I'm from New York."

    You: "Oh cool, I've always wanted to go there, I think I'd like the jazz bars there, so do you like travelling?"

    Her: "blah blah..."

    You: "That's cool, travelling is one of my passions, I just got back from Mongolia where I was....." (and into an attractive story)

    Make sure you display enough of the attraction switches in your 3 qualities about yourself and you should be fine.

Quick Summary: If you ever find yourself running out of things to say, ask her a qualifying question - "So do you like X Y Z?" - or cold read her - "You look like X Y Z." Use her reply to transition into something you can talk about with passion.

How do you set up a date after getting the number?

It's the other way around for me. This little technique made my date plans and game much more solid when I learned to do it. I only take the number when I have arranged to go on a date with her, kind of like a receipt. So after building enough rapport, I ask her if she wants to meet for a drink. She says yes and I ask her what her week looks like - getting her to suggest a few days. I choose one that suits me, and only then do I ask for her number "in case my plans change or you need to get in touch" or something similar. The aim is to get the date set in stone, and then get the number after.

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Nick Savoy
Nick Savoy


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