Are you “the friend”?
The “nice guy”?
Do you get good conversations and the occasional phone number, but it doesn’t go further?
If you do, relax. There’s nothing wrong with you. This is normal for men, especially more intelligent or “left-brain” sorts. Talking to a woman you don’t know and making the conversation romantic or sexual is NOT a skill most of us are born with.
But it can be learned. Ready?
Sometimes women will drive things sexual. She’ll start touching you or hinting about better logistics (e.g., “What are you doing later?” or “What do you want to do next?”).
But usually the responsibility is on you, the man. Most women are used to being seduced instead of seducing. So if you don’t push things in a sexual direction, don’t expect it to happen.
This is true for a lot of things about women and dating. Not only do women want a man who can seduce them, they want a man who is the “alpha male” in every aspect of their life. Alpha male is a term that’s often misused or misunderstood.
You can’t talk your way into a woman’s bed. Or her heart. At least not very quickly.
Sure, talking is important – that’s how people become emotionally comfortable with each other. But a woman who is emotionally comfortable with you but not physically comfortable is a woman who is about to say:
“Let’s Just Be Friends”
Let me repeat that again, in nice italics and asterisks everywhere, because this is important:
*** If you don’t make a physical connection, any emotional connection you make with a woman is just going to lead to “Let’s Just Be Friends.” ***
Next time you’re out, watch two people who are obviously attracted to each other. See how often they touch each other. Notice the rhythm. It’s almost a conversation in itself. In fact, we call this the “physical conversation” and it is the single truest guide to how a pickup is going.
Your goal involves sex at some point with her. Most of the time, you’re not going to go from “first touch” to sex in a few minutes. So the earlier you start getting her comfortable with your touch, the more time you leave for that to escalate, the more likely she is to be comfortable.
Or, put more crudely – the first time you touch each other isn’t going to be you putting yourself inside her. There’s a buildup, especially for women. Start small, like touching each other on the shoulders, arms, or upper back, as a normal part of conversation.
I know, I know. This is easier said than done. It takes skill to be able to walk up to a woman who is with her friends, ignore their efforts to shut you down, start an interesting and compelling conversation with them, AND get the physical conversation rolling. But you have to.
We did a very special, one-off seminar a while back JUST focused on body language and physical escalation. We brought all of the biggest names together. Cajun. Vercetti. Keychain. 5.0. Legends in the “pick up artist" community. Then we hired a few models for demonstrations, invited a few lucky people, and let the magic happen.
These step-by-step breakdowns of exactly how to escalate physically and what NOT to do (almost as important!) were so popular, we first did a limited edition DVD set, and when that was gone, we made a few more.
Click below to learn more about the secrets of body language and physical escalation.
Just because you “can’t talk your way into her bed or her heart,” doesn’t mean that you can stand there completely silent and mute either.
Introducing sexual themes into a conversation – and making her comfortable talking about sex – is one of the CRUCIAL differences between her seeing you as a Man or as a Friend.
There are tons of different ways to sexualize the conversation. I’ll touch on three of the most common:
Blatantly, directly – Tell her she’s hot and that you want to take her home and do horrible things with her. Here it’s not what you say and how you say it. This requires skill in Direct Game and in Body Language (Beyond Words is your best bet here again). There’s no way I can do justice to hours of DVDs here, but a couple of key elements are to smile slightly, hold absolutely still, and maintain eye contact when you say something boldly sexual like that. Let your comment sit there for a full second or two, holding eye contact and a slight smile, and then change the subject.
Humor. If you saw pick up expert “Big Business”’ presentation at the Love Systems Super Conference, you know all about this – it’s amazing how quickly he takes things deeply sexual just through a few humorous routines anyone can use. (His very popular Humor, Improv, and Attraction program covers this too) Developing your sense of humor – and especially your ability to think on your feet with quick, witty comebacks – is crucial here.
Storytelling. You can lead a conversation to sexual themes through stories about yourself or “friends”. The Routines Manual and especially the Routines Manual Volume 2 has tons of personal routines that the best guys in the world use. You can use these word-for-word or make your own. These shouldn’t be “bragging” stories – they should treat sex as something normal and fun. And they shouldn’t give her the impression that if she sleeps with you, she’ll become the next “story”
Getting stuck in the friend zone, or having “nice conversations” that don’t lead anywhere – this is a normal sticking point that most men have at some point or another. It’s also very fixable once you have the right direction and know exactly what to do.