January 21, 2010


Don't Get Stood Up!

I probably should have seen this coming. At the end of last year, Jeremy Soul, already the world’s #1 Day Game Expert, was voted the pickup and dating instructor of the year at the 2008 Super Conference. (Future won this year.)  

Being famous makes you really busy, and we had to push back his highly-anticipated Daytime Dating book to next year because he’s been so booked up with live Day Game Workshops and one-on-one training. He’s helped so many guys this year just SOLVE women and dating. Especially guys who don’t want to rely on nightclubs.  

And, he moved to Sweden, where he’s living the life of a king with Swedish beauties vying for his attention. One was just leaving his house when I got him on the phone and asked him to write – for people who haven’t been able to take his Day Game Live Workshop yet – one tip that any guy, experienced or not, could start using right away.  

I think you’ll agree that he hit a home run.    

Stop Chasing Bad Leads: Delete Those Flakes!  

By Jeremy Soul, Love Systems Master Instructor  

So, you’re determined to get this “dating stuff” handled and you’re going about it the right way. You’re going out lots, working your Day Game, and approaching a bunch of women day and night. You’re able to get into good, interesting conversations with attractive women. You’re even starting to get phone numbers consistently.  

Now, here’s where a lot of guys hit the first of their big “sticking points.”  

Some of the phone numbers don’t go anywhere. She doesn’t call you back or respond to your text messages. In other words, lots of your phone numbers turn into flakes.

What do you do? Definitely don’t fall into the trap of obsessing over your “precious numbers.” Don’t be the guy who agonizes for hours trying to construct the perfect text message or structure the perfect phone conversation.

Don’t be the guy who persists for weeks with girls over email, text and phone, exhausting yourself emotionally and mentally to try to come up with ways to “win back” the girl who you thought liked you but hasn’t responded to your last 48 text messages.

I’m not an expert on Phone and Text Game (like all of you, I’m devouring Braddock and Mr. M’s new Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game). But, no matter how tight your game is and how strong your follow ups are, not EVERY number will turn into something.

Maybe she just wasn’t that attracted to you and you just didn’t read the signs right. A lot of women give out their number because they don’t want to be rude, even if they never plan on answering when you text or call.

As your game gets better, you’ll learn to recognize signals of attraction that mean a woman really does want to meet up with you again, instead of passively agreeing to give you her phone number just so she doesn’t come off as rude.

For example, when I set up a date, I make sure she genuinely is interested in talking with me again. If a woman starts telling me, “Oh yeah, you can try calling me and I’ll see if I’m free,” that’s not enough commitment for me. I’ll walk away rather than take a flaky number.

Or, she may have been attracted to you in that moment but you didn’t build enough comfort with her. So, when you contact her later on, that spike of emotional attraction is gone and she can’t logically rationalise why she likes you.  

See the Love Systems Triad for more on why this happens.  

There could also be something completely external going on. Maybe an ex-boyfriend got back in touch with her, she met someone else, she’s busy or she lost her phone. Who knows and frankly, who cares? There are so many other things that could have happened; why waste your time trying to figure it out?

Obviously, you should keep working continually on your social skills and your ability to build attraction and comfort (if you don’t understand these critical phases of the Emotional Progression model, you really should read Magic Bullets). But, given all this, you should MOVE ON from flaky numbers.

So long as you are consistent in who you are and what you do, there will be a steady stream of women you meet who are into you. The trick is to focus on these girls and cut the flakes out of your life quickly.

The 80-20 Rule

Let’s use a sales analogy.

In sales, you start out trying to make every sale work. You hang onto every phone call and every hint of a potential sale. You chase and follow up everything. You keep chasing until you get a clear “no” from the customer. Even then, sometimes you stay in touch and chase from time to time.

You learn very quickly that you’re wasting a lot of your time. You’re chasing bad leads. It is better to move on quickly, so stop wasting your time and spend time finding GOOD leads.

Ever heard of Pareto’s Law? It’s also known as the 80-20 rule. It means you get 80% of the benefit from an activity with 20% of the effort. 20% of clients provide 80% of profit. In a business context, it’s the principle that 80% of your sales revenue comes from 20% of your clients. Applied to your dating life, it is the principle that 80% of your successes will come from 20% of your efforts and prospects. If one in five girls you talk to ends up meeting with you for a date, you are doing something right.

Throw out any ideas you have of being a “pick up artist” with a 76.4% close ratio. That stuff will mess you up. In the real world, you talk to a bunch of women, be the best, most attractive man you can be, and you find women who are into you. You will also, along the way, meet a bunch of women who aren’t into you.

Even the best guys with women still can’t get EVERY woman. Who the hell wants every woman anyway? Looks really aren’t everything. Even if she is hot, if she doesn’t dig your sense of humor or the kind of person you are, do you really want to pretend to be someone else just so you can sleep with her?

Talk to all the women you find attractive, and focus on the ones that you click with. These are your good leads. As you get better, you’ll be able to filter out the women that you’re not going to click with more quickly and waste less of your time.

Use your resources wisely

So, if a girl doesn’t respond to your initial text or phone call, don’t bother chasing her – it is almost always not worth following up. If a girl doesn’t initially agree to meet for a date or seems to be forever “busy,” she is most likely blowing you off but trying not to be rude about it. If after one date she’s flaky about meeting up again, don’t waste your time.

A girl who wants to see you again will make it reasonably easy for you by agreeing to meet up or, if she is busy, by suggesting an alternative.

It may be worth occasionally touching base with people (sometimes their situations change, e.g. a girl dumps her boyfriend), but don’t agonise over it or make it a priority. You should focus your time on stronger, more immediate leads.  

Magic Bullets (again) has some good material on how to “touch base” without much effort. Holidays are also a great opportunity to send “mass text” greeting messages to all of the women in your phone, including buried leads.

Good luck, and remember that time is your most precious asset in this life.

Jeremy Soul    

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